Tag Archives: Thoughts

Universal Language

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I’m looking for words and can’t seem to find them. I can’t write, not because I’m blocked coz I ain’t, I just can’t find the right words. At times words seem so meaningless, empty almost. I feel like they don’t communicate what I would like to communicate. This has nothing to do with a certain language, actually it’s a universal language I’m talking about. One that is capable of traveling distance and time, one that doesn’t need any definitions.

Definitions made up by humans to make us understand our own complexity of words. Isn’t that hilarious? Why is it that everything in this world needs to be explained [read understood]. Why can’t we just accept things the way they are and try to speak that universal language instead, so distance and time wouldn’t be an issue. Words and definitions wouldn’t be an issue either. If only we could trust in the power of faith and that bigger plan that the universe has in mind for us. Things would be so much easier…

So I’m not going to try to write things down, I just know it won’t come out as I want it to. Instead I have been creating again, something I forgot about for some time. The urge was there: my hands were itching to get started and change words into colours and shapes, depths and heights… It’s the most wonderful feeling: to go through this process and be excited to see the final result: something beyond words although they’re still there, just hidden and only readable for those who know how to obtain meaning and understand…

A life-time is not what’s between,

The moments of birth and death.

A life-time is one moment,

Between my two little breaths.

The present, the here, the now,

That’s all the life I get,

I live each moment in full,

In kindness, in peace, without regret.

~ Chade Meng

Coffee and Chocolate

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Coffee and Chocolate. Two of my favourite things, two things that could really win my affection. I couldn’t resist and had to redesign the theme of this blog. I am in need of these two things, I want them to surround me constantly on a daily basis, because they make me feel happier which is a good thing and most of all something I desperately need at the moment.
I’m okay but I had two really bad weeks where I couldn’t get anything done because of personal reasons that I wrote about somewhere in February or March this year. It’s not nice having to walk on eggshells all the time or else you’re attacked for no particular reason, since anything you say or do will be a trigger. What I find hard to understand is why it’s not dealt with, but instead taken out on me. Well, it’s dealt with but only when I point out the type of behaviour. I reckon that’s the way it is and has been for quite some time now. That’s when I start to wonder what happened to me.
I trusted the other person not to crush that part of me that was longing to be loved, be vulnerable and open, isn’t that a normal thing to expect from a relationship? Mistake. And I guess I didn’t want to see the signs and therefore have to pay for it these days by having that part of me severely crushed from time to time… So when I have a good day I try to pick up the pieces and try to find myself, the ‘me’ that is known to my friends, to those around me who respect me and accept me for who I am: the vulnerable and strong person, the surviver and fighter…
But I have trouble finding her when I’m crushed again, hurt and in need of comfort and support. Comfort and support doesn’t seem to be within reach ever since I moved country. So if I have a bad day I increase the Seratonin and Phenylethylamine levels by having some chocolate, just a bit, I know my limits. Well… at least when it comes to chocolate.
I wish things were normal again…