Tag Archives: Progress

Creative Sources

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I’ve been reading some old posts and wasn’t too happy about my writing. I guess these last two months have been too hectic as I can tell I’ve been rushing to finish writing certain posts, mostly whilst on the train commuting. I’ve promised myself to write every other week, but the thing about writing is that it won’t come to you if it doesn’t, just like any other creative process. I’m seriously lacking creativity lately because life seems to consume every bit of energy and time. I’ve decided to rewrite some of these posts as they do not reflect what I was trying to say, either because of bad English or rushing to get things done.

My creativity strongly depends on my mood: if I’m not happy I can’t create, I’d feel blocked and it’s no point trying. Especially with the design of jewellery, it can be hard to get started when I’m not in the right mood. Writing is a different story; I can still write when I’m pissed off, at times it even adds to the writing ;) But creating jewellery, paintings or anything else is simply not going to work. In the past I’ve tricked myself by looking forward to spending time creating jewellery over the weekend. Often it turned out utterly disappointing after I’d have a fight or discussion, instantly killing the creative process in my mind.

Something I’ve been looking forward to doing has died and when that happens I feel so frustrated. Time and energy are sparse when working and trying to juggle all the balls that life throws at you. What makes it worse, is that when I can trully dig into these creative sources it actually gives me lots and lots of energy, it’s totally relaxing and when I accomplish something it is extremely rewarding. Particularly the part when people see what I’ve made and comment on it. I don’t think I’ve ever gotten a negative reaction or criticism. Everyone seems to love it which makes me a contented and proud designer.

So while I try to keep all those balls in the air, I find myself struggling with doing the things that are most rewarding. It seems a constant battle that I can’t win especially when I need to rush because I try to make use of a commute where I would normally doze off or think about what the day will bring or has brought me on my way home. Basically what it comes down to is focus which I’m lacking because there’s too much on my mind thus too many balls to keep in the air. A circle that needs to be broken somehow but ‘how’ seems to be the main issue here. Plus knowing myself: I want it all at once…

My planner has been neglected for the last four weeks perhaps I should start there because it tells me to write down everything I did have accomplished per week. It also wants me to write down all the good things that happened during the week and I’ve noticed that if I forget to fill out this planner or neglect the tasks that I’ve appointed to myself I either feel guilty for not having done this or I find myself not focussing on stuff that actually needs to be done in order to create spare time. Like writing this blog every other week ;) this post should’ve been finished last Thursday :roll:

Only because I have a bit more time -the second assignment has finished for now until this upcoming Thursday and/or Friday- I’ve decided to catch up on things so I’d feel better. Writing this makes me grin because I still have a half year evaluation to do. This planner is actually a good way of keeping track of accomplishments and how you deal with time planning in general. I believe I’m my worst enemy when it comes to that. I’ve noticed that whenever I set my mind to it I do get stuff done which leaves me enough time to also be creative, but there’s still not enough balance.

One page contains a doodle of mine that says: ‘there should be more!!! green (in this planner)’… I’ve bought five different fluorescent markers to mark all the tasks and things that I love or should do. Each subject has its own colour, green stands for ‘jewellery and crockery project’ and guess what, it hasn’t been green in ages ;) Orange stands for ‘work’ and guess what, there’s way too much orange showing :P Writing gives me clarity, I guess this post has given me enough insight for now, I actually need to get busy sorting that planner it seems… Guess an evalution may be at hand ;)

Sell Me Short

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It’s kind of sad when someone becomes so resentful and bitter that it will reflect badly on their future and its posibilities. I could see them end like that. I should’ve known better since I grew up with a person with an attitude like this and now I see another -actually three- become the exact same copy of emotionally draining negativism.

Tho it’s certainly not my responsibility, I do feel sorry for them, for not being able to take the good part from an experience, contemplate the whole, and move on without grudges. Over the years I’ve become tired of, and immune to hearing the constant whinging. Funnily enough, the one person I’d already given up on, drastically changed.

It’s because I’d changed my attitude towards her and showed her the consequences of verbally attacking someone. I would tell her exactly what I would do: because I refuse to listen to the constant nagging, she should either stop or I would walk out of the room. I didn’t realise that I was actually dealing with a three year old at the time.

But treating her like a three year old has paid off, she is now showing respect. At times the drama starts again -especially over the phone- but then I don’t say anything and now she knows that once I don’t react it’s no point to continue and she will change subject. It’s almost like I’ve been reprogramming a mind to enable it to think positive.

I’m happy it worked out like this because the bond has become much stronger since. I guess the negative attitude must have rubbed off on others though, either that or it is a gene pool issue and passed on in families. I’ve chosen to let go of a close family member because she became the copy. Calling her, only brought me frustration.

Last time I’ve spoken with her she’d become so self-absorbed, it confirmed my decision made months earlier, not to contact her again. I guess people are shocked because I’ve not set my boundaries with them before. So when I tell them I don’t wish to continue an off-ballance relationship, they become angry with me for telling my truth…

There’s a point in your life when you get tired of trying to fix everything and trying to make everyone happy. When you finally decide to quit, it’s not giving up. It’s realising you don’t need certain people, the blah-blah and the unacceptable behavior they bring to your life.