Forest | A Zestful Quest

I’d almost forgotten what it feels like to wake up by the sound of birds in the morning or to get your shoes all dirty with thick greasy mud or peat, having to walk across a bog trying to stay dry [mission impossible] or cycle to the top of a steep hill on a mountain bike… I was in New Forest, National Park near Southampton, over the weekend to visit friends. I went sailing with them in Croatia in 2006 facing some hectic gales and hail and thunderstorms at the time.

The trip to the south was crap since the M25 was the usual Saturday annoying kind of M25 where you sit in solid traffic for hours moving 50 mph -if you’re lucky- because there’s some serious rubbernecking going on literally over ‘nothing’. Because of this there was a two hour delay which was reduced to one hour at arrival due to the exceeding of speed limits the moment the rubbernecking zone was finally passed *sssh*.

Later that day I went to Lymington with M. to visit the local market and the pet shop. Lymington is a nice little place, slightly touristic but not in an annoying way. On our way back to the car, we sat down on the quay for a while to relax and enjoy a Cornish pasty and the view of the sea, the boats and the old! train going across the water. In the evening we went out for a pint and a curry at the local pub and the Indian restaurant in Ashurst.

Sunday we cycled most of the day through the New Forest, the weather was amazing: for two days it has been sunny and warm: perfect to go for a bike ride, speed down a hill, watch the wild horses or sit near a babbling stream for half an hour to enjoy a picnic while basking in the sun. I had some quiet time sitting next to a stream listening to the birds and the sound of the water. I came back with a ‘Katjang’ tan and totally relaxed: holding on to this while I can…

Coz today, it’s pissing with a strong wind and grey sky that’s about to burst with thunder any moment now.

Lymington

A picnic break enjoying the sun

New Forest, National Park

Sitting next to a babbling stream for a while

New Forest, National Park

Swamp

The wild horses

If you wonder where I’ve been… Well besides being busy I had to come to terms with a few issues so I needed time to reflect. Things have been slightly rough again lately or perhaps they still were: I might have been a bit in denial for some time and were forced to face it over the last few weeks. I had some kinda wake-up call and I’m not so sure yet if I should be happy about the situation or not. Actually there are a few, not just one…

Some things can make me feel extremely helpless and leave me frustrated or upset. I see someone close and dear struggling and I see someone else being completely absorbed by a relationship resulting in losing identity. In the first situation it happens long-distance so I can’t do anything about it except being there when I’m needed and I seem to fail doing so because of my own needs, making it hard to juggle. This one is passionate and slightly complicated…

In the second situation I just found out that the person might not be aware or is just blissfully in denial. I can see change in character because of the influence of a partner. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve been in a similar situation so I guess that’s exactly why my radar picked it up. Again I can’t say or do anything about it but sit this one out and when it does I better have the Kleenex and a spare room ready. I just need to figure out a way to deal with it in the meantime…

Now picture my chauldron filled to the rim with the above ingredients including an equal measure of my own concerns which aren’t exactly rosy at the moment either. Let it stew for a while… And after making a real meal out of it, the result is something that then needs to be consumed while it doesn’t really look tasty at all: a bit burnt even. Then after consuming there’s cleaning to be done so you might understand what all of this is heading for in the long run.

I’m in serious need of a time-out, so I’m taking one and only focus on the job section for now until that is all sorted. Yes it is kinda tough to me because I find it difficult to put myself first and it feels like I’m running away from others but I figured out that if I don’t put myself first I can’t be there for anyone else. So it will always be a Catch-22 if I don’t decide to do what is best for me. I’m a fast learner but a slow achiever neither is good/bad, just extremely inconvenient at times.

Last week’s other activities involved chasing up someone in the US about an order that I placed a month ago, voting for the first time in London and discovering a most beautiful art deco library [polling station] five minutes from where I live, finishing complex time-consuming flash animations, getting frustrated about recruitment agencies and their inconsistent terms of folio sizes and CV formats, I have twelve different versions of both: the number is still increasing…

So yesterday was May Day in the UK, my parents’ Wedding Day, Liberation Day in the Lowlands and a day for me to relax and clear my head. It was sunny and perfect to go for a stroll in the woods. Today will be another day of annoying recruitment registrations… At least my parcel from the US finally arrived this morning. A creative gift: something I wanted for years, to brighten my day and hopefully someone else’s when I will use it… and I’m eager to!