Tag Archives: Gut

The Grown-up Bully

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I had an unexpected meeting last week about issues I have with a colleague. This whole situation is draining my energy and I’ve not been a happy bunny lately because of this. The person involved has been bullying me for two to three months now. I’ve tried to ignore it but the situation has become aggrevating and his attitude extremely unprofessional. So a meeting was arranged by my unit manager and his in order to talk things out. As I was expecting, it didn’t turn out well, because he is the type of person who would never admit to his behaviour and/or being wrong.

I explained what was bothering me about him and about the political games that are played and how I’m stuck in the middle whilst all five parties involved point fingers at and blame each other or bury their heads in the sand. At some point when I told him he was stubborn he nearly exploded and had to count to ten in order to control a certain outburst. Shame he managed, as it would’ve been the utter proof of what I was trying to make clear. In return he made up a nasty lie about someone who had complained about me, I could tell by the look on his face he was lying. Pathetic indeed.

Last Monday, I ran into another colleague who has started only a few months ago. We take the same bus so we’ve spent some time together that day talking about the situation at work. The first thing she said to me was that she feels like she’s in some sort of LSD trip, pointing out all the political issues and games. Up till then I thought I was the only person within this organisation who felt this way so I was happy and relieved that someone else had noticed it as well. She told me she had a good book about this explaining what was going on and how to deal with the situation.

The next day she’d sent me the ebook which was about bullying and being bullied at work. She’d told me to read a certain chapter and when I did I immediately recognised each and every subject that was explained. I just want to be left alone, do my job, do what I’m hired for and be productive, I refuse to take part in these political games and accept bad management that is causing this situation. So I’ve mentioned several times that if it won’t improve I would be gone and look for a new assignment. I’ve talked with several parties but none seem to understand what is going on.

No, let me rephrase that, they aren’t willing to see, which is a huge difference. They refuse to understand and rather blame me for the current situation. As a result of these meetings I had, and a clash with the colleague I mentioned earlier which I will now call ‘the bully’, they came up with a list of rules and regulations in regard to my responsibilities. After reading parts of that ebook I came to understand that people bully others due to their own insecurities. Usually because they’re jealous of you or because they feel like you are competition that is likely to win. Point taken…

The bully did a 180 when he replaced my former co-worker and gotten into a position where he could manipulate, make condescending comments and feed his power over others. The book is an eye-opener and a strong confirmation that this place is not healthy. I should’ve listened to my gut feeling but I was protected from these issues by my former coworker until she left (in hindsight for the exact same reasons). The presence or absence of negative consequences after bullying is what encourages the bully (‘bad’ to ‘almost no’ management, no one takes responsibility).

1. The Target’s refusal to be subservient, to not go along with being controlled (reported by 58 percent of survey respondents) If the bully is the boss of the independent and skilled Target, the boss has only to constrain the Target’s creativity, pile on impossible burdens, or steal credit for accomplishments. These Target types will leave the job or stay to outwit the bully because, thanks to their self-confidence, they have a low threshold for the lies bullies dish out. All Targets want ‘to be left alone to do the job I was hired to do, as best as I could do it.’

Time to look somewhere else ;)

Friendly Face

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I’m on my way to my mum to sort out the last few boxes that are still there. I’m on the train when I write this. The train is delayed but I don’t mind because it’s a beautiful sunny but windy autumn day and I’m enjoying my trip so far. Something got me thinking just now because something happened a few minutes ago and on other -previous- occasions when I was on the train as well. I’m not sure if I was rude or not but let me explain first so I can draw a conclusion after.

A person walks by through the aisle and puts a note on a seat near me, most of the time without saying anything. This person will then continue to walk in the same direction thus disappear for a while. He or she is in the next carriage to put these notes on all other available seats in view of those sitting nearby. This person wants people to read the note but I found myself ignoring it this time as I know very well what is written and I was busy doing other -more important- stuff.

Basically what it comes down to is that men as well as women beg for money using some kind of a sob story. I’ve experienced other versions as well where the guy -today it was a woman- would leave a package of tissues on the seat so it doesn’t come across as begging. Of course commuters have seen it before so most ignore it like I did today. The guards also mention it through the intercom when beggars are spotted by them or people on the train.

I once read the note just to see what it was about, I had a one euro coin ready to give to the tissue guy but I had to get off the train and he wasn’t back yet so he never got the euro. At the time I thought it was a one-time thing but a few weeks later I saw the same guy on a totally different train to a totally different destination. I then realised it probably was some scam. I’ve checked the website of the railway company and noticed their article about this situation.

They tell you to warn the guards on the train the moment you see these beggars but they can only really do something about it when the guards catch the person red-handed. They will be guarded by the police out of the nearest train station and get a fine. But these people are either illegal thus have no work or they’re part of a large criminal organisation that makes lots of money through this scam. Either way, they’ll probably laugh at the fine and take the next train elsewhere.

Today when the woman came by, I was busy doing stuff and ignored what was going on. The moment I noticed the note on the seat opposite of me I realised it was ‘one of them’ again and I continued doing what I was doing. When she came back to collect the note I ignored her til the very end but she then asked me something and I had to look up and look her in the eyes. She had a friendly face and was smiling, I shook my head for a split second and ignored her again.

Right after she’d left I felt guilty for some reason, I felt I had been rude to her and wondered why I felt that way. Probably because she seemed friendly and somehow genuine while at the same time my gut was telling me I did the right thing. I somehow can’t stand people who beg. There are also homeless people near the entrance of supermarkets selling magazines but at least they do something for a living and I don’t mind buying them food or giving them one euro.

They are also polite and friendly but I never feel like they’re trying to scam me somehow. I guess that’s the main difference and I guess I shouldn’t feel guilty about not giving a friendly smiling scammer one euro, after all no matter the friendly face, a scammer remains a scammer.