Tag Archives: Universe

Getting Ready

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I’m going to move this blog elsewhere… My life has made a 180 again in a good way and I feel it’s time to let go of this domain as it is a constant reminder of a past that should be just that, a past. I have moved on a long time ago and though the years I lived in the UK will always be a major part of my life, I don’t wish to make it bigger than it actually is. I’m focused on my future and have been for a while so those old posts have been archived and will remain there like old books on a shelve collecting dust until one day someone decides to clean and read them again.

I’ve been looking to buy an apartment, in a different part of the Netherlands where tourists are still sparse, where it is quiet in the streets at night, where I can make a home and unpack my boxes and all the surprises I’ve kept in them for years now. The other day I realised that I have been living out of boxes since 2006. Yes I’ve sorted them all out and I’ve given half of it to charity shops but still, I haven’t used my own things since 2006. Thirteen years altogether so it’s about time that I’ll move to an unknown place to start anew and be closer to where my current assignment is.

I’ve saved enough money to get a perfect home, replace all the things that I had to give up on when I moved to the UK. I’ll need a bed, mattress, fridge/freezer combination, wardrobe, TV, and a lot more. And looking at things online is half the fun already. I’ve checked websites and found cool furniture, even cheaper and nicer than what I had in mind when I started this journey. No prefabricated stuff but furniture made by a designer/artist with an industrial touch and a practical design as I will use two of these to set up a studio so I can neatly store my jewellery supplies.

I’ll need a small sofabed so I can have visitors stay over, friends from Amsterdam or family from Belgium or … I’ll need lots and lots of plants and a few Persian rugs on the floor, warm colours like taupe, red, grey, brown, to reflect my oriental/colonial style interior design. A moss green styled bedroom that induces a relaxing atmosphere and lots of zen energy. I could dream about it all day long if I have to and I’ve designed each and every room six times already ;) But first things first and that’s finding the perfect ‘home’ where I can have an inspiring studio to work on my jewellery.

But you see, thinking about this and going to apartment viewings makes me happy, it is something I have wished for for a long time and I’m finally at that point where I can take time to decide. Tho I am impatient too, but I should try to find that one space I can really call ‘home’, so far after all the viewings in January, there was one apartment that actually felt good, but it wasn’t ‘the one’… I have my eye on another and I’m waiting a few more weeks to see if the price will get down. If not I’ll make an offer and see if they’re interested in selling. It has the perfect space and layout.

So this is why I’ll move this blog elsewhere, I’d really like to focus on the future and getting another move done within the next six months hopefully. I’ll trust my gut feeling and I’ll trust the Universe to have it all planned for me. And when the time is right, everything will come together, like a puzzle it will fit and the missing pieces will be found and added. I can’t wait… :D

The Dream

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“…The mate for the wildish woman is the one who has a soulful tenacity and endurance, one who can send his own instinctual nature to peek under the tent of a woman’s sould-life and comprehend what he sees and hears there. The good match is the man who keeps returning to try to understand, who does not let himself be deterred by the sideshows on the road…”

~ “Women Who Run With the Wolves” by Clarissa Pinkola Estes

I dreamt about ‘my Manawee’ last night… and I wonder… I don’t wonder why because I know the reason why, I simply wonder if it’s possible to love a person for a long period of time without actually realising it until you’re reminded of this person. I don’t wonder because I’ve been aware he has often been on my mind on and off ever since. Pain has the tendency to diminish over time even when you were hurting. At times that’s a good thing, occasionally it could become something unrealistic if you lose sight and fail to take into account why you were hurt to begin with.

I had to let go which was the toughest thing I ever had to do. I had to let go because I couldn’t carry the weight of two lives gone wrong. I had to fix mine first. Last night I was looking for something on my NAS and was wondering where I kept movies and tunes he’d sent me over time. I’m pretty sure I have them still as I’d never throw out any of the things he’d sent me. I just realized they weren’t on the NAS as I bought it about two years ago.

But there were some other things I had a look at: pictures. The first one that I opened was him. My heart skipped a beat as I hadn’t seen that face in a long long time. I was overwhelmed with feelings. It came as a surprise, but then again it didn’t. It was just a confirmation of something that I’ve known all along. And realizing this brings back lots and lots of emotions, longings and feelings. So… there it is! The kind of stuff that dreams are made off.

But I haven’t got a clue what I’m supposed to do about/with it… Although the dream(s) were real and the way I felt when I woke up was pretty real too…