Tag Archives: Silence

On The Train

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I’ve been commuting for quite some time now. Each day I take the train and travel for nearly an hour and half when it’s a good day… On bad days it takes me almost two hours depending on circumstances like the weather, what time I leave and how busy the train is. Today it’s rather quiet and on days like this I quite enjoy the trip.

At times people annoy the hell out of me -I’m quite easily annoyed in the morning I must admit tho- especially when I’m not awake yet. People these days seem to forget that they’re sharing the same space. They’re not aware they’re having extremely loud conversations on the phone. They have a tendency to scream.

Either that or they try to impress others who can overhear the conversation. I still haven’t figured it out and to be honest I don’t want to know. To me it’s all about courtesy, discretion and keeping in mind that the space you’re in is not your own. But today is a good day… It’s quiet on the train. So quiet that I can hear myself think.

So quiet that I can concentrate on writing this post on my Samsung tablet -a gift- since I decided to use the time on the train in a productive but fun way. I’ve been postponing and neglecting writing for way too long and like I mentioned before I do miss putting my thoughts in order for a while now.

It’s an excellent way to relax and finally start updating this blog again. The only downside is that I do not get to see the amazing views in the morning. Views of frosty meadows and the bright yellow sunrise… I ain’t complaining though. I’m pretty sure that one day -probably too soon- the wonderful quiet won’t be there.

And I’ll be harshly disturbed by annoying cackling sounds of people who talk senseless unimportant stuff over their phones… Bless the ignorant ones… *just being the usual synical me*

It Doesn’t Sit Well…

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I had some struggles with a friend the other day and it doesn’t sit well with me… Why? Coz it’s been the second time where I felt like: what on earth is going on? What are the real reasons for biting my head off over absolutely nothing. I don’t like to be criticized while I’m doing the best I can. I don’t like being given ‘advice’ when assumptions are made without asking questions first to get the facts straight.

I don’t like someone telling me what to do without checking with me first whether I’ve tried all options or not: it clearly shows a lack of trust in me to do what is right for me which is not necessarily right for you… I definitely don’t like someone implying that I should try harder either. Don’t tell me what to do or how to feel, just don’t. I’ve become allergic to people like that ever since my previous relationship.

But all of that isn’t what is not sitting well with me, it’s the fact that I’m used as an emotional punchbag… twice now (first time Aug 2008)… I can understand emotional pressure, and I can even understand some reasons for lashing out at someone. But all I did was being nice and I didn’t deserve to be treated like that even though there might have been valid reasons. I refuse to be anyone’s emotional punchbag.

I feel it’s not right to compare problems and imply that I have no reasons to complain and be negative -which I wasn’t, I was merely stating facts after doing extensive research for months- it’s called being realistic. Everyone has his/her own cross to bear and one isn’t ‘worse’ than the other, they’re just different. It’s no point projecting your problem on others and you definitely can’t tell others how to feel.

Yes I care and empathise but I don’t like being the punchbag, it just happened one time too many… So I’ll stay in my own quiet corner of the Universe for now. All I said that day was, that after trying the best I could for months, I now wanted to live in the present not the past. I took responsibility and focused on an important job application. And because I did over the last two months, it got me where I am today.

My strength was, that I continued to fight for my goals, being realistic at the same time. Knowing what I could achieve and what I couldn’t whilst dealing with bureaucracy, rules and regulations. I don’t see anything negative in that, it got me where I wanted to be and I will continue to do so. Perhaps one day the blinkers will disappear but till then I’ll keep a certain distance because I feel it’s the best thing to do for now.

I wish you strength my friend…

“Strength does not come from winning. Your struggles develop your strengths. When you go through hardships and decide not to surrender, that is strength.” ~Arnold Schwarzenegger