Tag Archives: Dishonesty

Malleable Inflexibility

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There’s been something going on over the last two, three weeks that has had a major effect on my mood. As a contractor I’m used to having to adapt to different systems, work environments, people, politics, flexable work spaces etc. Most of the time when I start on a new assignment it takes a couple of weeks to get to know people, the system, and everything else I have to work with. It takes time to adjust. So far I’ve been on an assignment by myself mostly, meaning that the contracting company (let’s call it company A) that I work for outsources me as a skilled individual to one of their clients (company B) for a certain period of time. Most of the time I’ll join a team of people but in other cases I have also worked just by myself.

I’ve been doing this for nearly six years now and never ran into problems as I was easily adjusting to new situations and people of company B. At times direct colleagues (from company A) would work for other departments of company B, but I wouldn’t have to work with them. Until about three years ago when I was asked to become part of a scrum team by company A which was placed at one of the ministries. It was the first time I was part of a team of direct colleagues, about 14 of them, divided into two teams. I was the only designer that was hired, so I had to design for both teams. This assignment lasted for a year and half before it all went pear-shaped because of the behaviour of certain team members.

I won’t go into details but let’s say my strong work ethic was way different from theirs and particularly from the scrum master. If there is any chance I would have to work with him again in the future I will refuse it, my manager knows my reasons and agrees with me. There was a clash in the end because apparently I was not allowed to vent my opinion about situations where this scrum master would abuse certain privileges given by the client, which he did almost daily. Because I had said something about it, I was no longer his ‘friend’, I was now his foe, thus he turned the teams of ‘young, malleable, first-time-job graduates’ against me. Who -of course- would follow him like sheep. Talking about professionalism ;)

I was happy to leave this toxic environment. Four months into another government assignment I’m running into something similar. I’m currently dealing with a naysayers scrum team (different client, different scrum team but people from my contracting company) showing similar traits. So far it’s manageable but the main issue is, that another direct colleague from company A has been hired at the current place as an engineer. The product owner that I worked for has left since a couple of weeks and has not been replaced yet. So this colleague is now also temporary product owner and ever since he is feeling his ‘power’ it’s gotten to his head in a negative way, displaying an extremely dominant ‘attitude.

He keeps trying to undermine my position within the department, while I don’t need to answer to him but to another co-worker. And recently he’s been trying to undermine her position as well, telling me that I don’t need her approval on my designs, that he can do that as well. Which is absolutely not true. What he doesn’t understand is that she has certain knowledge and responsibilites that are related to her job and the reason why she is hired. He is basically saying that he has the same professional skills as she does. It would be like me saying that I could easily replace him as an engineer, which I can not because I didn’t study engineering *duh*. He can’t seem to get it through his thick skull tho.

I have no clue what it is that is causing people to act like this. My attitude is and has always been one of trying to solve issues and make sure a client is contented with my designs and solutions. Trying to undermine my position in this as a co-worker is not going to make things easier as I’m not willing to just give up and bow down. I’m not the one causing the friction and you will definitely meet the Capricorn side of me. There’s more but I think it will be best to focus on how to deal with it without getting angry about it. I’m sure there will be a ‘to be continued’… hopefully in a more positive way. If not I might have to draw my conclusion and find another assignment. ‘Solo’ this time…

Can’t Be Bothered

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Once again my intuition proved me right. I have certain people in my life that I can’t rely on really. In the past it used to bother me big time, I would even let it upset me to a point where I was angry at myself for having high expectations once again. Point is, it has nothing to do with me. These people are who they are; they only need someone when they can use and take advantage of the person. They are calculated and ambiguous. You won’t hear from them (until they need you again) once they got what they want from you.

That’s all.

People that I thought were my friends, proved otherwise. These days I can’t really be bothered anymore, they say one thing and do another, they’re phony, they’re not genuine and they’re transparent to me. My intuition tells me to be aware and so I am. I play their game along and tell them what they need to hear from me but always keep a thought in the back of my mind. I’d say to myself: ‘Common, I challenge you to play your cards, show me what you’re made of, coz whatever it is I’m always a step ahead of you…’

In the past I’d do anything to please ‘friends’ whenever they needed me. I’d be willing to make them happy, I would be extremely flexible and forgiving. Back then I was not willing to distance myself so it would not get to me. Instead I’d let them upset me, whilst looking for their approval and wanting to be part of their interesting *not* lives. It would take me time to find out the truth about their superficial traits, thus their superficial ‘friendship’. And in the process I would get hurt or upset over and over again.

These days, I do take my distance and whenever they try to get in touch or meet up, there’s always this voice in the back of my head telling me ‘seeing is believing, you’d better prove to me first that you are worth my time…’. It’s fine, I let them be who they are, I approach them the way they approach me. Funny thing is that most of the time, they don’t like that at all, I guess it’s because I put a mirror in front of them and show them their true colours. If you want to play games with me, you’ll get to play, so play wisely…

Friendship is not based on games though but on affection, trust, and a mutual sense of concern and respect. Friends are there for you when you need them. They would leave you alone when you need solitude. A truly great friend can tell the difference between these two. Aristotle speaks of three kinds of friendship; ‘friendship of utility’ based on usefulness of the association with another, ‘friendship of pleasure’ based on pleasures and enjoyment produced by the association of another. Both self-centered and egocentric.

And a third: ‘friendship in virtue’ which incites each other to higher purposes. I’m afraid that those ‘certain people in my life’ which I’ve referred to in the first sentence are the kind that would be part of the aforementioned friendships. The self-centered and egocentric kind. The kind of friendships that are subject to dissolution with time and circumstances. Lucky me I recognise it a lot faster nowadays, so I take distance and lower my expectations. And instead I spend more time with friends of the last category ;)