Tag Archives: Creative

Creative Sources

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I’ve been reading some old posts and wasn’t too happy about my writing. I guess these last two months have been too hectic as I can tell I’ve been rushing to finish writing certain posts, mostly whilst on the train commuting. I’ve promised myself to write every other week, but the thing about writing is that it won’t come to you if it doesn’t, just like any other creative process. I’m seriously lacking creativity lately because life seems to consume every bit of energy and time. I’ve decided to rewrite some of these posts as they do not reflect what I was trying to say, either because of bad English or rushing to get things done.

My creativity strongly depends on my mood: if I’m not happy I can’t create, I’d feel blocked and it’s no point trying. Especially with the design of jewellery, it can be hard to get started when I’m not in the right mood. Writing is a different story; I can still write when I’m pissed off, at times it even adds to the writing ;) But creating jewellery, paintings or anything else is simply not going to work. In the past I’ve tricked myself by looking forward to spending time creating jewellery over the weekend. Often it turned out utterly disappointing after I’d have a fight or discussion, instantly killing the creative process in my mind.

Something I’ve been looking forward to doing has died and when that happens I feel so frustrated. Time and energy are sparse when working and trying to juggle all the balls that life throws at you. What makes it worse, is that when I can trully dig into these creative sources it actually gives me lots and lots of energy, it’s totally relaxing and when I accomplish something it is extremely rewarding. Particularly the part when people see what I’ve made and comment on it. I don’t think I’ve ever gotten a negative reaction or criticism. Everyone seems to love it which makes me a contented and proud designer.

So while I try to keep all those balls in the air, I find myself struggling with doing the things that are most rewarding. It seems a constant battle that I can’t win especially when I need to rush because I try to make use of a commute where I would normally doze off or think about what the day will bring or has brought me on my way home. Basically what it comes down to is focus which I’m lacking because there’s too much on my mind thus too many balls to keep in the air. A circle that needs to be broken somehow but ‘how’ seems to be the main issue here. Plus knowing myself: I want it all at once…

My planner has been neglected for the last four weeks perhaps I should start there because it tells me to write down everything I did have accomplished per week. It also wants me to write down all the good things that happened during the week and I’ve noticed that if I forget to fill out this planner or neglect the tasks that I’ve appointed to myself I either feel guilty for not having done this or I find myself not focussing on stuff that actually needs to be done in order to create spare time. Like writing this blog every other week ;) this post should’ve been finished last Thursday :roll:

Only because I have a bit more time -the second assignment has finished for now until this upcoming Thursday and/or Friday- I’ve decided to catch up on things so I’d feel better. Writing this makes me grin because I still have a half year evaluation to do. This planner is actually a good way of keeping track of accomplishments and how you deal with time planning in general. I believe I’m my worst enemy when it comes to that. I’ve noticed that whenever I set my mind to it I do get stuff done which leaves me enough time to also be creative, but there’s still not enough balance.

One page contains a doodle of mine that says: ‘there should be more!!! green (in this planner)’… I’ve bought five different fluorescent markers to mark all the tasks and things that I love or should do. Each subject has its own colour, green stands for ‘jewellery and crockery project’ and guess what, it hasn’t been green in ages ;) Orange stands for ‘work’ and guess what, there’s way too much orange showing :P Writing gives me clarity, I guess this post has given me enough insight for now, I actually need to get busy sorting that planner it seems… Guess an evalution may be at hand ;)

Insommnia

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There’s this song on my mind by Faithless called Insomnia where he sings

I’m wide awake in my kitchen

It’s black and I’m lonely

Oh, if I could only get some sleep

Creeky noises make my skin creep

I need to get some sleep

I can’t get no sleep….

This is what it has been like for me, ever since I’ve been ill in December last year. I had a really bad flu for two weeks in a row with a high fever. The result of this was that I would be asleep during the day most of the time. Well at least the first couple of days. It completely messed up my sleep pattern so most of the time I’m either wide awake till five or six in the morning or I’ll fall asleep, wake up a couple of hours later and can’t fall asleep again… It’s really utterly annoying!

In February this year I became ill again for another three weeks and thus the cycle continued until now. It’s something that has reoccured over the years but for different reasons. For example tonight I feel like my head is spinning and I can’t seem to stop the endless stream of thoughts that is going thru my mind. I was out last night having a few drinks with some friends at the pub. And I ended up talking with one of them about my start-up business and my jewellery designs.

He was so enthusiastic about the things I told him, the ideas I have that it has been stuck on my mind ever since. And not just him, others were very enthusiastic as well when I showed them the pictures on my cell phone. Also my idea about the crockery was received in a very positive way. The guy even offered me a free advert in this glossy that he works for as a photographer, worth 40.000 euros. Of course seeing is believing, but it got me thinking altogether. And here I am, still thinking…

Of course it got me thinking since lately everything points to the same direction which is that I should quit my job and do what I love doing. My day job hasn’t given me any satisfaction for years already. It’s just a job to get the money in and not something I can be passionate about. Hence the lack of sleep tonight. Well I’d better try to get rid of the thought stream now and try to get some sleep instead!