Tag Archives: Amsterdam

New Light

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I’ve been updating the design of this website on and off, it’s a work in progress still and something that needs to be done in my spare time which is a luxury these days. I miss blogging and lately I have felt a strong urge to start writing again and pick up where I’ve left. There has been such a change in my life that I can’t even think of what to write first. Fact is though that it has and most in an extremely positive way. I’ve written about part of the changes in my previous post and how I felt I needed to redefine this blog.

So I have but it is going to show over time at a slow pace. Since I’ve started this blog as a personal diary about 10 years ago I have decided to unpublish some post that are no longer of any ‘use’ to me. They’re archived and I guess will be deleted at some point (or not). It’s still something I need to figure out, think about and make a decision. Some things I’d like to put behind me, some posts that I’ve written are fading memories that I’d either like to keep in my heart or like to forget. The latter is the reason for archiving or deleting: I am past that point and I have moved on, I’ve used it as a written waypoint at the time when I needed to stop, rethink and take action.

So ever since my last post, there has been personal turmoil on the side as well, pretty intense and undesirable but it’s the kind of stuff I do not wish to write about. It’s the kind of stuff that has been solved over time by giving it time to be solved if that makes sense. It might be best to let quiet take over and listen to what you’re being told by the Universe, I mean truly listen. And although my heart is still hurt at times, I’ve solved issues by being compassionate and learn to trust again which is the hardest part. Yes there has been damage but nothing that the strong-minded goat can’t cope with.

I’ve promised myself to focus ahead since I want to move away from deceitful scum and start with a clean slate. Ignoring the pathetic and childish stalker actions of the psychopathic cretin is one for instance. So here I am, slowly starting to write again and putting the past where it belongs: in the past. I feel like spring cleaning. Getting rid of the stuffy cretin -and other particles for that matter- that instantly make you cough or sneeze when lifted by sudden atmospheric velocity. It’s time to open the doors and let the light right in and sweep the dirt right out… :)

Dear Pheromones… (Leave Me Alone!)

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I took the train to Amsterdam yesterday to meet up with my friend IvS from Scotland who was in the Lowlands for a short vacation. It was fun! She rented bikes so we could cycle all across town, which was great. It was nice to be in Amsterdam again but I can tell that the city has no longer this vibe to me as it used to have. It wasn’t as busy as it normally is, probably because half the Lowlands is currently abroad but I don’t really feel the need to live there anymore… which feels odd in a way.

I bought three gorgeous dresses -wearing one this very moment while writing this post- two from Waterlooplein, both silk and Asian *of course* and the other I got from a shop called Streetclothes at the Albert Cuyp market. It’s a dress by DEPT and yes it was way over budget but amazingly beautiful and just my kind of style, something that will last for the next 8 years and still remain a pleasure to the eye, timeless… I was actually looking for new Doc Martens to replace the old ones.

But I was utterly disappointed in the quality of the brand, the leather is half the thickness of what it used to be, the soles were replaced with a less solid kind of rubber. Rubber that could easily tear or cut. I read somewhere that the actual factory in England took their business abroad and these shoes are now manufactured in India or Thailand. It shows… Coz the quality that I was used to (I’ve had these boots for 10 years!) has disappeared just like that. I fear they will lose lots of customers because of this!

So… since I decided not to spend the 149 Euros *YES! it was fine when the quality was right* on something that had lost its quality over time, I thought it was okay to spend half of it on the gorgeous dress… Anyway, on our way back from the market I ran into an ex of mine, I hadn’t seen him in a long time. Only once over the last ten years and I avoided him that day because he was with a woman and had a child with him. I didn’t want to disturb them so l just pretended not to have seen them and kept walking.

We had a fun chat, he told me he’d been married, divorced again and he has an eight year old son. It means he got married two years after I broke up with him and had his son the year after. Wow… hearing this from someone who didn’t want the commitment at the time is odd. He asked me lots of question and ‘joked’ that he wouldn’t mind hooking up with me again. I think meeting up one day to have a coffee with him and a nice chat is fine with me, so I gave him my business card which he asked for.

It was great to see him but that’s it *wink*. I don’t know what is going on at the moment but there’s been others as well. I’m being stalked by some idiot on FB, I keep ignoring his emails and friend request, what a moron. There’s another who tried a few weeks ago but I ignored him as well. Perhaps it’s because I’m enjoying myself lots lately, I feel more confident and better about myself, I get positive attention and feedback and I feel better about life in general. I guess it rubs off on others.

Men particularly…