Tag Archives: Balance

Time-consuming Backups

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It was bound to happen one day, I couldn’t trust my backup system anymore as it was giving errors. So I’ve been busy for at least a week sorting out my digital footprint. Just like I’ve been busy sorting out boxes for months it keeps surprising me how much stuff a person collects over time. I have two external hard drives in raid that I’ve been using to make backups for years now, but the time had come to change to an upgraded version which I bought a couple of weeks ago, a NAS with two 4TB harddisks. Copying over the network seemed to come with some hickups as well but I’ve managed tonight to sort all the information (2TB of ‘stuff’) on the new NAS.

In the past I’ve made use of TimeMachine but I stopped using it a couple of years ago to manually make backups instead. TimeMachine keeps making copies of the same files over and over again and since I had a couple of crashes over the years I ended up with several copies of system folders and copies of a folder structure of things that I wanted to keep. I’ve been going through each and every folder to delete duplicates and arrange a new filing structure. Some months ago when I started to sort out those boxes I’ve thrown out each and every item that I nolonger used, either giving it to charity shops or putting it in bin bags to have it collected and destroyed.

I was surprised by the -insane- amount of ‘stuff’ that I had managed to collect over time as I wasn’t using most of it anymore or I simply nolonger needed it. Cleaning out each and every box made me feel better and better as it was lifting a weight from my shoulders. Decluttering is the most effective thing to do to me, making space around me and also in my head. But I didn’t expect the amount of digital clutter and I found out that I felt less comfortable deleting system files and backups I had made because of crashes, tho I’ve managed to delete about 180Gb of dublicates by manually comparing files. Yes a total drag but I kept in mind that I only had to do this once ;)

I always got the impression that all my photo archives would take most of the disk space but boy was I mistaken. It was good having to go through each and every folder to see what was in there and if I really ‘needed’ it still. Most of it I got rid of anyway and the largest folders where the ones containing software and those system backups. Folders with 200.000+ files in them, old system folders, folders that nolonger had any use since I’ve bought at least four other computers after making the first backup and changed OS about three or four times as well. I guess the largest is my music collection but since I’ve started buying from iTunes this issue has become more organised.

Sorting my digital history was a total pain but I’m happy that I’ve managed to finish it within a time span of two weeks on and off. It was something that had been dragging my heels for years. I was extremely reluctant to act on it because of the time-consuming copying and checking, but as the other backup system slowly became unreliable I was forced to do this after all those years and I feel relieved now the job is mostly done. I still have some really old IDE disks to check but these are so old, I don’t expect to find anything spectacular on these that is worth saving. Still… I need to see what’s on them before I will use brute force and destroy all the sensitive data ;)

The challenge now, is to keep things organised and tidy… but when I think back of all the aggravation caused by having to go through many folders containing 200.000+ files I’m pretty sure I can keep an eye on that to make sure!

Off The Radar

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Last Friday I had to travel South to be there for my mother. That morning I’d received an email that my aunt had passed away. We had a strong bond for years until I moved back from London. I became tired of having to listen to complaints all the time, tired of this negative attitude, tired of her being so pushy. She never called me although I called her and kept sending her cards and letters. I received one letter after months.

A letter telling me she’d had cancer and she didn’t want to be pitied so she wrote and send the letter after the fact. It was a letter with a tone in it, bitterness and disappointment. A letter that I was to read between the lines. She wrote she didn’t want visitors to come see her because of her cancer, the cancer did not define her so she did not want to be judged by it. Then a few lines later she asked me why I didn’t had come to visit her (…)

I was upset about this, she was blaming me in her letter and confronting me. She’d asked me: how come you can travel everywhere for work but you can’t come up North to see me. Weeks later I called her and told her she wasn’t being fair because she has known my reasons for not traveling by train for years, so why is it now used against me all of a sudden? I travel for work because I have to not because I choose to, big difference.

She’d sent mixed signals telling me she didn’t want people visit her because of her illness, she didn’t contact me for over nine months and never told me she was ill. On the other hand she blames me for not contacting her or go see her. When I made the call something was damaged. Whatever I said she made me feel guilty and when I hung up I felt horrible. I could not live up to her expectations and every explanation felt like an excuse.

Then later at my uncle’s funeral last year, she avoided me and was busy talking to everyone else. At the funeral reception, her husband sat next to me at some point and we had a nice conversation, he was sweet. When the reception was almost over she sat near me and asked me to visit her some day by myself.

Her attitude had started when I was living in London. I used to call her often, at least twice a week, it was nice to talk to her most of the time. But she wanted me out of there asap, of course I understood her motivations and reasons to keep repeating the same questions over and over again. She was worried and I guess she had every reason to be. But it’s not helping when you give advice with a negative undertone or wording.

It’s not helping repeating facts that are already wholeheartedly known. Or asking for accountability or justification when I have solid reasons for taking or not taking actions. I needed her to be there for me and support me, but most of all trust(!) me to be able to solve the mess I’d gotten myself into instead of questioning me. I got the cross-examination treatment where I had to answer to her about everything.

So when I heard the news last Friday, I had to go see my mum. The announcement stated that she was already cremated the previous week. I respect her wishes but somehow it feels to me like she didn’t want people to pay their last respects to her because she was disappointed in them. My uncle’s funeral last year felt like her personal goodbye to him, emphasising only her relationship with him and no one else’s.

It felt wrong… So ever since I have mixed feelings. I’ve not been able to shed a tear because I’ve not found a way to understand this situation. I guess I never will though. At least I could be there for my mum when she needed me and that means a lot to me, realising how things have been between her and me in the past.

I guess that’s all that matters really.