Visceral Charge

Have you ever been in a situation where you felt extremely uncomfortable without being able to identify the exact issue that is causing it? I have… On several occasions actually and each time triggered by a person, spirit or thing. The other day when I was on the train on my way to work a man sat down on the seat beside me on my right. He was tall and big, not extremely big but big enough to be present in my private space as I could sense him invade it with an energy as dark and thick as night, reflecting his inner turmoil. He was restless: either leaning against the back of the seat and touching my arm with his arm or leaning over looking at me from the side or staring out of the window. I felt utterly intimidated…

His clothes were rank with this pungent smell of greasy body odor. Whenever he moved around on the seat I could catch a whiff of it, making me want to hold my breath to avoid sudden and violent projectile vomiting. I was very aware of each movement he made because of this and because of the bad energy he was exposing. Normally I don’t instantly feel intimidated by someone or something, but this time the feeling was overwhelming. As if he had taken over my private space, like a thick black unavoidable steady stream of mud continuously flowing until everything was completely covered with it. Every three minutes he would move to one side and take his phone from his right pocket to check it.

In doing so he had to lean over towards me to get it out of his pocket thus violating my space. He would check his phone for a few seconds then put it away again. This went on for about twenty minutes just before arriving at the next train station. In the meantime I was trying to avoid him by playing a few games of solitaire on my phone but his presence was unavoidable. Each time he moved I was made very aware of that, so I stopped playing and looked out the window instead, trying to ignore the restless bulk that was sitting next to me. Like an emotional predator, he was waiting for the kill but I wouldn’t give in that easy. If he was in for a mental tug of war he could definitely get one by making him feel agitated.

The more I ignored him -imagining myself sitting inside an enclosed space filled with bright light, a space that grew larger and larger- the more restless he became. He tried to make eye contact by leaning forward with his elbows on his knees, turning his head towards me and staring at me for half a minute, then he would move back again trying to lean against the back of the seat and moving his arm away in order to avoid touching my elbow. I just sat there quietly ignoring and ‘allowing’ him to play his cat and mouse game. I sat in my own white glowing energy, growing stronger by the minute. The more I imagined myself in my energy the more agitated he became which only proved what I’d sensed about him all along.

Finally the train arrived at my destiny, whilst he was sitting next to me I didn’t have a good look at him because his psycho vibes warned me not to do so, but the moment he got up I did. A rising bulk still but far less intimidating as twenty minutes earlier when staring at me. He didn’t look back but I’m guessing he could feel my piercing third eye telling him to F.O. He was wearing a military parka and a backpack, his hair was greasy, uncombed and showed scabs. His face didn’t show any expression, he was the kind that would easily blend into the crowd without anyone noticing anything odd about him. The quiet silent type and at the same time asserting a warped sense of mental authority.

I continued my commute and watched him disappear in the overcrowded train station, but it took a while to shake the feeling of what had been going on not so long ago. I still can’t explain what it was what made me feel uneasy, but it was something dark, this I know for sure… 13 Feb 2017 @ 08:03

Friendly Face

I’m on my way to my mum to sort out the last few boxes that are still there. I’m on the train when I write this. The train is delayed but I don’t mind because it’s a beautiful sunny but windy autumn day and I’m enjoying my trip so far. Something got me thinking just now because something happened a few minutes ago and on other -previous- occasions when I was on the train as well. I’m not sure if I was rude or not but let me explain first so I can draw a conclusion after.

A person walks by through the aisle and puts a note on a seat near me, most of the time without saying anything. This person will then continue to walk in the same direction thus disappear for a while. He or she is in the next carriage to put these notes on all other available seats in view of those sitting nearby. This person wants people to read the note but I found myself ignoring it this time as I know very well what is written and I was busy doing other -more important- stuff.

Basically what it comes down to is that men as well as women beg for money using some kind of a sob story. I’ve experienced other versions as well where the guy -today it was a woman- would leave a package of tissues on the seat so it doesn’t come across as begging. Of course commuters have seen it before so most ignore it like I did today. The guards also mention it through the intercom when beggars are spotted by them or people on the train.

I once read the note just to see what it was about, I had a one euro coin ready to give to the tissue guy but I had to get off the train and he wasn’t back yet so he never got the euro. At the time I thought it was a one-time thing but a few weeks later I saw the same guy on a totally different train to a totally different destination. I then realised it probably was some scam. I’ve checked the website of the railway company and noticed their article about this situation.

They tell you to warn the guards on the train the moment you see these beggars but they can only really do something about it when the guards catch the person red-handed. They will be guarded by the police out of the nearest train station and get a fine. But these people are either illegal thus have no work or they’re part of a large criminal organisation that makes lots of money through this scam. Either way, they’ll probably laugh at the fine and take the next train elsewhere.

Today when the woman came by, I was busy doing stuff and ignored what was going on. The moment I noticed the note on the seat opposite of me I realised it was ‘one of them’ again and I continued doing what I was doing. When she came back to collect the note I ignored her til the very end but she then asked me something and I had to look up and look her in the eyes. She had a friendly face and was smiling, I shook my head for a split second and ignored her again.

Right after she’d left I felt guilty for some reason, I felt I had been rude to her and wondered why I felt that way. Probably because she seemed friendly and somehow genuine while at the same time my gut was telling me I did the right thing. I somehow can’t stand people who beg. There are also homeless people near the entrance of supermarkets selling magazines but at least they do something for a living and I don’t mind buying them food or giving them one euro.

They are also polite and friendly but I never feel like they’re trying to scam me somehow. I guess that’s the main difference and I guess I shouldn’t feel guilty about not giving a friendly smiling scammer one euro, after all no matter the friendly face, a scammer remains a scammer.