The Fox Foxing (again)…

I ran into some info today that made me grin in a way… I know I shouldn’t but it did. Let me go back to the days of ignorance and bliss in a few… I wish I could trust my gut more often, I used to though but these days I tend to neglect it when I need it most. Back in the days -it seems ages ago- I was seeing someone whilst at the same time my gut kept warning me in a variety of different ways. I remember the dream I had repeatedly during that period of my life, it’s so vivid still that it feels like it has transformed into an actual thing. And I guess in a way it has.

In the dream there was nothing but a traffic light that jumped from green to red, lasting only about 20 seconds. The traffic light would disappear again and another dream would continue. Each time when a regular dream was entered by the person I was seeing, it stopped and immediately the traffic light would appear for a few seconds and disappear again the moment it had turned red. At the time I thought it was odd and I wondered often why this was happening. One evening I decided to ask the person I was seeing if he could explain to me what it could mean or meant to him.

He said he didn’t know and I asked if I was being warned for something he was doing without me knowing of it but he said he couldn’t think of anything. About five months later I found out the truth and realised why I’d been having these dreams and what my subconscious was trying to tell me. By then he had moved in and I decided to confront him with the lies and deceit. I’d issued an ultimatum by promising myself I would give it another chance, wait a couple of months and let it rest. When those months were over I checked again only to find out about broken promises.

That evening I kicked him out and I have not looked back. Ever since that day there have been others and because there was a trail of issues in his past I assumed it would not be long before history would repeat itself. I found out I’ve been right all along which was what made me grin. I feel sorry for those involved but since one’s dealing with a sly fox it was to be expected and the grin was merely an expression of what I was thinking: good riddance!

Left Turn

One hour before I had to leave for an interview this afternoon I had a conversation with a Mensendieck therapist* about my doubts…

*Mensendieck is a paramedical system of correct body mechanics, correct muscle function, and correct posture based on sound fundamental research developed by Dr. Bess Mensendieck and has widespread use in Europe, specifically Denmark, Sweden, Norway and the Netherlands.

She told me to just be honest and to tell them what my reasons were for having those doubts. I was nervous not because of the interview but because I would have to go there with mixed feelings while I should be overenthusiastic, convincing and showing my total commitment and a drive to attain the goal: getting this job.

I had the interview, I was honest and I told them about my doubts halfway through. I can’t fool these people: they’re psychiatrists… professionals… They have the ability to x-ray your thoughts and your soul and make you say things that you think were safely put away in the back of your head, unreachable and hidden to others… NOT.

What was supposed to be a quick and short interview became a fifty minutes one and near the end I said to them that it might be best if they would offer someone else this opportunity instead of me. No, I didn’t lose my mind… Something weird happened during the interview while they were carefully analysing my reactions and words.

At some point they offered me a better position, which included a creative job and a higher education than the one I had the interview for. I could use my creativity with the job they had on offer while the original one didn’t involve creativity at all -which I knew- but it didn’t matter until the moment they mentioned another position and asked me what I’d prefer…

I left with this odd feeling… not sure what to feel. I have to call Mr. L. (the main interviewer) next week and make an appointment with him to discuss the possibilities, it will take about an hour. I would be working three days a week and study for a bachelor degree on the fourth day for four years. They will pay for my study/books while I’d work for their organisation…

So I guess I did what was right, I listened to my gut feeling and was honest with them… a win-win situation. I have till September to commit to my design work and use the available network to get assignments in while I’ve something good to look forward to. I think it all is going to work out just fine as long as I trust that gut feeling. Today is proof of that!

When I left they shook my hand and thanked me for my honesty. I think that was the best compliment I had in a while…