Tag Archives: Bully

Bye Bully Bye!

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It’s interesting to see how quickly things can change over time, how a situation can change. I’ve only written one post instead of two last month because I was too busy (working overtime 16 hours a day) and when I logged into the backend of this website I noticed the post I wrote about a month ago about the bully at work. I was so fed up with the guy at the time that I really wanted to leave and look for another assignment. Actually I’d already taken the necessary steps to leave this assignment and informed everyone who needed to be informed on my employer’s side and on the client’s side as well. I was pretty blunt in doing so as I feel no-one should cross my line the way that assh… did.

Still it took about three months to accomplish what I needed to accomplish causing lots of stress that I had to deal with. The moment I had made it clear that I was going to leave, Mr Assh… turned into this slick self-righteous smooth-talking colleague who seemed to be utterly relieved at the knowledge of me leaving. Well… hate to disappoint him but I wasn’t going anywhere at all. I was working for another large project besides his project -a migration of the main website- along with two other colleagues. One is also hired through an IT company to act as the product owner/manager. They both wanted me to design the new website and asked me to join work sessions on this.

In the meantime -during a meeting- he’d told the attending people including this other product owner that he’d refuse to work with me. So whilst one project was ending due to me leaving, the other just started, by me joining. The fun part is that this project outweighs the other one, also by being one of the biggest projects I’ve taken on so far. Basically I totally outsmarted him and he wasn’t aware until the moment the product owner told him she’d asked me to join her team. He was mad as hell but since he’d planned his two weeks vacation he had no time to do anything about it as the deal was already done and all other parties involved had given their consent without informing him.

The day he was told, (one day before his vacation started) he did something utterly childish which only confirmed my stated facts about him. I play this augmented reality game (which is all about capturing ‘portals’ and destroying the opponents’ portals) and so does he, he’s an opponent in the game but he told me he’s not very active, he hadn’t been playing for months. That day someone destroyed the portal at work which I barely use -just the one- surrounded by other green fields/portals, he probably thought I use it daily. Whilst on the bus home I checked to see who trashed it and managed to trace it back to him (I didn’t know his nickname I just googled and found solid facts that it was him).

It made me laugh… During his absense last month I’ve worked on this very important presentation and got everything ready for the big day where the board of executives was going to take a look at it. They were very pleased and all of my designs were approved. I’ll be working on different projects still but at least there won’t be anyone trying to take the wind out of my sails by being a total jerk. I’ve managed to change the situation into one where I’m thriving and enjoying my job again, as I should! He’s still trying to get control since he asked the product owner to join us by sitting in ‘our’ room… We were assigned a particular team project room -two actually- for the three of us.

What he doesn’t realise yet is that his remark about refusing to work with me is going to cost him. If it’s up to my colleagues and team mates he won’t be sitting anywhere near me, I avoid him like the plague and ignore him whenever he is in the room. In the meantime his ‘power’ as product owner is slowly reducing to zero and soon he nolonger will be needed in that role as someone else in a higher position is already appointed to this who should’ve been product owner to begin with. Then he can go back to his former role which is a few steps lower on the hierarchical ladder. I’m pretty sure he is not going to like it a bit. Do I care? Nah… I just can’t stop grinning like a Cheshire cat.

It can take a lot to piss off a Capricorn, but if you do it won’t be pretty and no matter how many times you try to break her she will always come back 10 times harder.

The Grown-up Bully

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I had an unexpected meeting last week about issues I have with a colleague. This whole situation is draining my energy and I’ve not been a happy bunny lately because of this. The person involved has been bullying me for two to three months now. I’ve tried to ignore it but the situation has become aggrevating and his attitude extremely unprofessional. So a meeting was arranged by my unit manager and his in order to talk things out. As I was expecting, it didn’t turn out well, because he is the type of person who would never admit to his behaviour and/or being wrong.

I explained what was bothering me about him and about the political games that are played and how I’m stuck in the middle whilst all five parties involved point fingers at and blame each other or bury their heads in the sand. At some point when I told him he was stubborn he nearly exploded and had to count to ten in order to control a certain outburst. Shame he managed, as it would’ve been the utter proof of what I was trying to make clear. In return he made up a nasty lie about someone who had complained about me, I could tell by the look on his face he was lying. Pathetic indeed.

Last Monday, I ran into another colleague who has started only a few months ago. We take the same bus so we’ve spent some time together that day talking about the situation at work. The first thing she said to me was that she feels like she’s in some sort of LSD trip, pointing out all the political issues and games. Up till then I thought I was the only person within this organisation who felt this way so I was happy and relieved that someone else had noticed it as well. She told me she had a good book about this explaining what was going on and how to deal with the situation.

The next day she’d sent me the ebook which was about bullying and being bullied at work. She’d told me to read a certain chapter and when I did I immediately recognised each and every subject that was explained. I just want to be left alone, do my job, do what I’m hired for and be productive, I refuse to take part in these political games and accept bad management that is causing this situation. So I’ve mentioned several times that if it won’t improve I would be gone and look for a new assignment. I’ve talked with several parties but none seem to understand what is going on.

No, let me rephrase that, they aren’t willing to see, which is a huge difference. They refuse to understand and rather blame me for the current situation. As a result of these meetings I had, and a clash with the colleague I mentioned earlier which I will now call ‘the bully’, they came up with a list of rules and regulations in regard to my responsibilities. After reading parts of that ebook I came to understand that people bully others due to their own insecurities. Usually because they’re jealous of you or because they feel like you are competition that is likely to win. Point taken…

The bully did a 180 when he replaced my former co-worker and gotten into a position where he could manipulate, make condescending comments and feed his power over others. The book is an eye-opener and a strong confirmation that this place is not healthy. I should’ve listened to my gut feeling but I was protected from these issues by my former coworker until she left (in hindsight for the exact same reasons). The presence or absence of negative consequences after bullying is what encourages the bully (‘bad’ to ‘almost no’ management, no one takes responsibility).

1. The Target’s refusal to be subservient, to not go along with being controlled (reported by 58 percent of survey respondents) If the bully is the boss of the independent and skilled Target, the boss has only to constrain the Target’s creativity, pile on impossible burdens, or steal credit for accomplishments. These Target types will leave the job or stay to outwit the bully because, thanks to their self-confidence, they have a low threshold for the lies bullies dish out. All Targets want ‘to be left alone to do the job I was hired to do, as best as I could do it.’

Time to look somewhere else ;)