Tag Archives: Commute

Slacker…

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I’ve been away for a while, I guess life caugth up with me over the past eight months. Things have been utterly hectic and weird lately in all aspects. My assignment finished in January this year, I was told the second week of December last year just when I was about to take my well-earned two weeks off. Because the board member -responsible for the web team and redesign of the government website- stepped down and removed herself from this project it was cast adrift all of a sudden. Never in my entire career have I faced a situation like this. I was stunned by the unprofessional ways this organisation was dealing with their employees, the repetitive mistakes and the arrogant attitude that came with it. It was like walking through a maze, not sure what to expect around each corner.

And so my assignment ended the day before my birthday, what a coincedence… In the meantime I’d already had two intakes at two different clients. The latter wanted another interview planned as soon as my assignment had ended. Then after I also had to give a presentation including answering questions, and once that was done they would decide if they wanted to take me on for this project. Five minutes after I had held my presentation, -I was on my way back to Amsterdam and just gotten on the train when I received a call- I was told that I was hired for the project. I was surprised because I didn’t know what to expect after giving this presentation to about fifteen people. I guess I must have left a good impression with at least half of the group or else they wouldn’t have hired me ;)

Things went all way too fast as I didn’t have a moment to relax and adjust to the new situation. Last time I was in between projects I had a few months where I could relax a bit, finish work-related administration, backup files and documents, and get my Mac ready for the next assignment. This time, I only had five days of which three were over the weekend. So yes things have been pretty hectic since and I’ve been juggling work, ‘me-time’ and the demands of daily life in general. It’s one of the largest projects I’ve worked on so far as it involves three levels of government, municipal, provincial and the water boards (the oldest government authorities in the Netherlands). This makes it all very complex, but at the same time it’s a really cool experience and a great opportunity to gain knowledge!

Then at the beginning of this month our department moved further south, so my already long distance commute doubled in km and time. It’s ok for now, the project is worth the trip but I’m not sure if I can keep up with this for a couple of years. I’m already told that if they’re happy with my skills and input, I could easily have this assignment extended to up to three to five years at least (…). I’m trying to get approval to work from home one day per week which will give me an extra two hours in the morning to catch up on sleep and I could do some chores during the day. Yup, I have been a total blog slacker but it has been out of my control all these months. Whenever I started to write I couldn’t finish due to a serious lack of time. I will try and write at least once a month and I’ll catch up when I can ;)

Visceral Charge

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Have you ever been in a situation where you felt extremely uncomfortable without being able to identify the exact issue that is causing it? I have… On several occasions actually and each time triggered by a person, spirit or thing. The other day when I was on the train on my way to work a man sat down on the seat beside me on my right. He was tall and big, not extremely big but big enough to be present in my private space as I could sense him invade it with an energy as dark and thick as night, reflecting his inner turmoil. He was restless: either leaning against the back of the seat and touching my arm with his arm or leaning over looking at me from the side or staring out of the window. I felt utterly intimidated…

His clothes were rank with this pungent smell of greasy body odor. Whenever he moved around on the seat I could catch a whiff of it, making me want to hold my breath to avoid sudden and violent projectile vomiting. I was very aware of each movement he made because of this and because of the bad energy he was exposing. Normally I don’t instantly feel intimidated by someone or something, but this time the feeling was overwhelming. As if he had taken over my private space, like a thick black unavoidable steady stream of mud continuously flowing until everything was completely covered with it. Every three minutes he would move to one side and take his phone from his right pocket to check it.

In doing so he had to lean over towards me to get it out of his pocket thus violating my space. He would check his phone for a few seconds then put it away again. This went on for about twenty minutes just before arriving at the next train station. In the meantime I was trying to avoid him by playing a few games of solitaire on my phone but his presence was unavoidable. Each time he moved I was made very aware of that, so I stopped playing and looked out the window instead, trying to ignore the restless bulk that was sitting next to me. Like an emotional predator, he was waiting for the kill but I wouldn’t give in that easy. If he was in for a mental tug of war he could definitely get one by making him feel agitated.

The more I ignored him -imagining myself sitting inside an enclosed space filled with bright light, a space that grew larger and larger- the more restless he became. He tried to make eye contact by leaning forward with his elbows on his knees, turning his head towards me and staring at me for half a minute, then he would move back again trying to lean against the back of the seat and moving his arm away in order to avoid touching my elbow. I just sat there quietly ignoring and ‘allowing’ him to play his cat and mouse game. I sat in my own white glowing energy, growing stronger by the minute. The more I imagined myself in my energy the more agitated he became which only proved what I’d sensed about him all along.

Finally the train arrived at my destiny, whilst he was sitting next to me I didn’t have a good look at him because his psycho vibes warned me not to do so, but the moment he got up I did. A rising bulk still but far less intimidating as twenty minutes earlier when staring at me. He didn’t look back but I’m guessing he could feel my piercing third eye telling him to F.O. He was wearing a military parka and a backpack, his hair was greasy, uncombed and showed scabs. His face didn’t show any expression, he was the kind that would easily blend into the crowd without anyone noticing anything odd about him. The quiet silent type and at the same time asserting a warped sense of mental authority.

I continued my commute and watched him disappear in the overcrowded train station, but it took a while to shake the feeling of what had been going on not so long ago. I still can’t explain what it was what made me feel uneasy, but it was something dark, this I know for sure… 13 Feb 2017 @ 08:03