Tag Archives: Health

The Flow

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I’ve been in thinking mode again lately. It’s because I realised there’s so much change going on at the moment. I’ve written before that I’m keeping a planner, it’s a cool planner as it allows you to set goals for a year and keep track of your progress over time. I’ve set goals for three months, one year, the next three years, and a lifetime. It’s how the planner works. Each month you’ll have to evaluate and write a report about the past 30/31 days, check if you reached your goals, highlight your accomplishments, write down how you can approve things etc.etc. I’m doing this because I need to keep track on how I’ve spent my spare time to see if it is balanced and if I get to spend enough time on things that relax me.

Ten days ago I wrote my evaluation about April and whilst checking back on dates I found out that I actually had accomplish quite a lot more than I was expecting. It surprised me to see that some of the deadlines I’d set for goals somewhere in the near future (three months from now or even further away) I’d already either started or finished. It has to do with certain situations that I’m fed up with in a way. I’ve been fed up with myself for a while already ;) Let me explain that. Because of 12 hour days (or often more), I started to neglect myself. I’d come home and would choose the easy and quick option because I wasn’t organised, meaning for instance, that I would get a take-away during the week and cook over the weekends.

At times I’m home at 20.30 or later thus I don’t feel like cooking anymore because I’m tired and would like to relax for an hour. My days start at 05.30. So I had a hard time trying to keep things balanced as they were supposed to be. I never expected this to get out of hand due to unhealthy eating and not enough exercise, as I was always pretty keen on keeping an eye on this. Slowly but surely things went sideways and I sensed it straight away but I didn’t act on it immediately. Then there was the vertebral fracture and the arthrosis which kept me from doing anything health-wise because I am too scared to aggravate the situation. I felt stuck and I wasn’t happy with myself at all until the day I decided enough is enough.

I took baby steps but I took them… and I’m surprised to see how good it feels. I went to the gym around the corner and asked if they had a physiotherapist specialised in vertebral fractures and they did! I’ve made a 180 once again ;) I’m eating extremely healthy, plan things in advance, prepare lunch for work instead of buying premade food, bake my own bread (special bread as I cut out carbs completely) and exercise like crazy. I love the exercises and workout because I can feel it makes my back stronger and I have less pain each day. I’m still not allowed to do some of the exercise that I really love, like rowing or running as it puts too much strain on my back, but there will be a day in the near future where I can!

I’ve also bought a fitness tracker to see how I’m doing on a daily basis, to my surprise I get enough exercise during the day, I’m way above the goals it sets for me, e.g. at times I walk 12km per day because I love to walk. So far I really enjoy doing all this, which -to be honest- I didn’t expect. The only downside is that I’m supposed to workout twice a week and for the last six weeks the commute has been a total pain with a minimum of half hour delays each day. Hopefully I’ll be able to work from home on Wednesday so I can go to the gym in the evening. My next step is buying an apartment, yes I know it’s something completely different, but it’s all part of a bigger plan. I’m working on this, let’s say I’m prepping for my future.

The Grown-up Bully

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I had an unexpected meeting last week about issues I have with a colleague. This whole situation is draining my energy and I’ve not been a happy bunny lately because of this. The person involved has been bullying me for two to three months now. I’ve tried to ignore it but the situation has become aggrevating and his attitude extremely unprofessional. So a meeting was arranged by my unit manager and his in order to talk things out. As I was expecting, it didn’t turn out well, because he is the type of person who would never admit to his behaviour and/or being wrong.

I explained what was bothering me about him and about the political games that are played and how I’m stuck in the middle whilst all five parties involved point fingers at and blame each other or bury their heads in the sand. At some point when I told him he was stubborn he nearly exploded and had to count to ten in order to control a certain outburst. Shame he managed, as it would’ve been the utter proof of what I was trying to make clear. In return he made up a nasty lie about someone who had complained about me, I could tell by the look on his face he was lying. Pathetic indeed.

Last Monday, I ran into another colleague who has started only a few months ago. We take the same bus so we’ve spent some time together that day talking about the situation at work. The first thing she said to me was that she feels like she’s in some sort of LSD trip, pointing out all the political issues and games. Up till then I thought I was the only person within this organisation who felt this way so I was happy and relieved that someone else had noticed it as well. She told me she had a good book about this explaining what was going on and how to deal with the situation.

The next day she’d sent me the ebook which was about bullying and being bullied at work. She’d told me to read a certain chapter and when I did I immediately recognised each and every subject that was explained. I just want to be left alone, do my job, do what I’m hired for and be productive, I refuse to take part in these political games and accept bad management that is causing this situation. So I’ve mentioned several times that if it won’t improve I would be gone and look for a new assignment. I’ve talked with several parties but none seem to understand what is going on.

No, let me rephrase that, they aren’t willing to see, which is a huge difference. They refuse to understand and rather blame me for the current situation. As a result of these meetings I had, and a clash with the colleague I mentioned earlier which I will now call ‘the bully’, they came up with a list of rules and regulations in regard to my responsibilities. After reading parts of that ebook I came to understand that people bully others due to their own insecurities. Usually because they’re jealous of you or because they feel like you are competition that is likely to win. Point taken…

The bully did a 180 when he replaced my former co-worker and gotten into a position where he could manipulate, make condescending comments and feed his power over others. The book is an eye-opener and a strong confirmation that this place is not healthy. I should’ve listened to my gut feeling but I was protected from these issues by my former coworker until she left (in hindsight for the exact same reasons). The presence or absence of negative consequences after bullying is what encourages the bully (‘bad’ to ‘almost no’ management, no one takes responsibility).

1. The Target’s refusal to be subservient, to not go along with being controlled (reported by 58 percent of survey respondents) If the bully is the boss of the independent and skilled Target, the boss has only to constrain the Target’s creativity, pile on impossible burdens, or steal credit for accomplishments. These Target types will leave the job or stay to outwit the bully because, thanks to their self-confidence, they have a low threshold for the lies bullies dish out. All Targets want ‘to be left alone to do the job I was hired to do, as best as I could do it.’

Time to look somewhere else ;)