Tag Archives: Superficial

Snake Pit

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I watched Memoirs of a Geisha the other day, quite a moving film if you look at it from a love story perspective, quite a realistic film from a snake pit perspective. I was amazed to see the jealousy and competitiveness focused on Sayuri the main character who was beaten, publicly humiliated, degraded, betrayed, insulted, bullied and envied by this one Geisha for no other reason than jealousy.

I guess I was amazed by the fact that a woman is capable of having such hatred against another. I tried to understand why but I guess there are no reasons for jealousy, it’s just the way it is. I could very much relate to Sayuri because I’ve been in similar situations ever since I became aware of the kind of games certain women feel the need to play, unfortunately quite recent too, though I don’t wish to be part of it.

I always wonder why they need to behave like schoolgirls because I could only understand and justify that kind of behaviour when it’s done by 13-year-olds since they don’t know any better. I also wonder why they seem to feel threatened by me or my appearance while I’m certainly not provoking or behaving in a way that would suggest inappropriate manners or ideas. I’m just being me, reserved me, polite me and kind me.

So why do they feel the need to sneer or bitch at me, humiliate and ignore me? It’s annoying because if they would only try and see me for who I am they would see past the surface -read: appearance- and find a decent person within. One with no hidden intentions, who’s genuine and who could be interested in getting to know you better and share mutual respect. So what the hell have I done to you that you can’t?

I remember being at a venue in Amsterdam where a band was playing that evening. I said hello to a woman who looked familiar and started chatting with her. It turned out she worked at this bar that I used to go to. We had a really nice conversation and at some point she said: I can’t believe you just started chatting with me like that. I said: Why not? She said: Well, you’re beautiful, beautiful women don’t talk to me.

She was referring to the bar where she worked and explained to me that most women who would hang out there [Rockabilly scene] were arrogant and definitely not interested in having a conversation with her. She didn’t have to explain that one to me, I knew exactly what kind of women she was referring to. Whenever I was at that bar I tried to avoid them like the plague although some were friends of friends.

But yes, arrogance and/or jealousy are two traits that can make the most beautiful woman look utterly ugly if it marks her behaviour. Especially when it’s done in such a way that it’s only recognised by the women involved. Others in most cases, hardly seem to be aware of the manipulative sneaky mind games that are going on, trying to drag one down into the snake pit. They’d rather turn a blind eye [or deaf ear].

I totally don’t get this behaviour because I’m not that kind of woman and yes it does get to me, coz I just don’t understand… but I’m grateful for those like-minded women that are part of my life because they show respect, accept me and allow me to be me…

Fine words and an insinuating appearance are seldom associated with true virtue.

~ Confucius

My Manawee

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I’ve had many encounters with Bluebeard-like energies only to learn each time that I could not live up to their expectations, I was never good enough. I wasn’t perfect therefore not tolerated, but my flaws make me unique and only a true soul would be able to tell. I think I have finally come to understand this repeated past so I can leave it for what it is: the past… and just live in this moment.

Me: criatura

To you, my Manawee:

If women want men to know them, really know them, they have to teach them some of the deep knowing. Some women say they are tired, already have done too much in this area. I humbly suggest they have been trying to teach a man who does not care to learn. When men show that willingness, then is the time to reveal things; not just because, but because another soul has asked. To win the wildish woman’s heart, a mate would understand her natural duality through and through, the two powerful feminine forces within a single woman.

Anyone close to a wildish woman is in fact in the presence of two women; an outer being and an interior criatura, one who lives in the topside world, one who lives in the world not so easily seeable. The outer being lives by the light of day: is easily observed. She is often pragmatic, acculturated and very human. The criatura, however, often travels to the surface from far away, often appearing and then as quickly disappearing, yet always leaving behind a feeling: something surprising, original, knowing. Understanding this dual nature in women sometimes causes men and even women themselves, to close their eyes and hail heaven for help.

The Manawee man has his own dual nature: a human nature and a dog nature. His human nature, while sweet and loving, is not enough to win courtship. It is his dog nature, his instinctual nature, that learns to overcome superficial seductions and retain the most important knowings. Masculine forces can carry Bluebeard-like or murderous sorts of energy and thereby attempt to demolish the dual structure of women. That sort of suitor cannot tolerate duality and is looking for perfection, for the one truth, the one immovable, unchangeable feminina substancia, feminine substance, embodied in the one perfect woman.

Ai! If you meet this kind of person, run the other way as fast as you can. It is better to have a Manawee-type lover both within and without: he is a much better suitor, for he is intensely devoted to the idea of the Two. He wishes to touch this most ubiquitous but mysterious combination of soul-life woman, and he has a sovereignty all of his own. Since he is himself a wildish, natural man, he resonates to and has a taste for the wildish woman. There is a Manawee-like attitude, which finds and claims a woman’s duality, finding it valuable, courtable and desirable instead of devilish, ugly and to be disdained.

The most valued lover, friend, ‘wilder man’ is the one who wishes to learn. Those who are not delighted by learning, those who cannot be enticed into new ideas or experiences, cannot develop past the roadpost they rest at now. If there is but one force which feeds the root of pain, it is the refusal to learn beyond this moment. The creature Wild Man is seeking his own earthy woman, afraid or not, it is an act of deepest love to allow oneself to be stirred by the wildish soul of another. In a world where humans are so afraid of ‘losing’, there are far too many protective walls against being dissolved in the numinosity* of another human soul.

The mate for the wildish woman is the one who has a soulful tenacity and endurance, one who can send his own instinctual nature to peek under the tent of a woman’s soul-life and comprehend what he sees and hears there. The good match is the man who keeps returning to try to understand, who does not let himself be deterred. Not to misuse knowledge to seize power over her, but rather to apprehend and comprehend the numinous substance from which she is made, to let it wash over him, amaze him, shock him even spook him. And to stay with it. It will make her eyes shine. It will make his eyes shine.

*-Numinosity is the relationship between other people, places, and things and the individual.

Excerpt from the book, Woman who Run With the Wolves by Clarissa Pinkola Estés