I watched Memoirs of a Geisha the other day, quite a moving film if you look at it from a love story perspective, quite a realistic film from a snake pit perspective. I was amazed to see the jealousy and competitiveness focused on Sayuri the main character who was beaten, publicly humiliated, degraded, betrayed, insulted, bullied and envied by this one Geisha for no other reason than jealousy.
I guess I was amazed by the fact that a woman is capable of having such hatred against another. I tried to understand why but I guess there are no reasons for jealousy, it’s just the way it is. I could very much relate to Sayuri because I’ve been in similar situations ever since I became aware of the kind of games certain women feel the need to play, unfortunately quite recent too, though I don’t wish to be part of it.
I always wonder why they need to behave like schoolgirls because I could only understand and justify that kind of behaviour when it’s done by 13-year-olds since they don’t know any better. I also wonder why they seem to feel threatened by me or my appearance while I’m certainly not provoking or behaving in a way that would suggest inappropriate manners or ideas. I’m just being me, reserved me, polite me and kind me.
So why do they feel the need to sneer or bitch at me, humiliate and ignore me? It’s annoying because if they would only try and see me for who I am they would see past the surface -read: appearance- and find a decent person within. One with no hidden intentions, who’s genuine and who could be interested in getting to know you better and share mutual respect. So what the hell have I done to you that you can’t?
I remember being at a venue in Amsterdam where a band was playing that evening. I said hello to a woman who looked familiar and started chatting with her. It turned out she worked at this bar that I used to go to. We had a really nice conversation and at some point she said: I can’t believe you just started chatting with me like that. I said: Why not? She said: Well, you’re beautiful, beautiful women don’t talk to me.
She was referring to the bar where she worked and explained to me that most women who would hang out there [Rockabilly scene] were arrogant and definitely not interested in having a conversation with her. She didn’t have to explain that one to me, I knew exactly what kind of women she was referring to. Whenever I was at that bar I tried to avoid them like the plague although some were friends of friends.
But yes, arrogance and/or jealousy are two traits that can make the most beautiful woman look utterly ugly if it marks her behaviour. Especially when it’s done in such a way that it’s only recognised by the women involved. Others in most cases, hardly seem to be aware of the manipulative sneaky mind games that are going on, trying to drag one down into the snake pit. They’d rather turn a blind eye [or deaf ear].
I totally don’t get this behaviour because I’m not that kind of woman and yes it does get to me, coz I just don’t understand… but I’m grateful for those like-minded women that are part of my life because they show respect, accept me and allow me to be me…
Fine words and an insinuating appearance are seldom associated with true virtue.
“can’t believe you just started chatting with me like that. I said: Why not? She said: Well, you’re beautiful, beautiful women don’t talk to me”.
Wow!! I wouldn’t have known what to say :)But I also know what she meant. Unfortunately many women have that 13 year old schoolgirl attitude. When they start with those games I just run away from them and the people who actually support those attitudes.
Has it happened to you that your male friends start dating someone and then their girlfriends ask them to ask you to distance yourself from them (their boyfriends? I immediately stop the relationship with my till then male friend because he had the cheek to tell me that. He clearly doesn’t value our friendship more or equally as his relationship with his girlfriend…oh well…
In my opinion he should clearly tell his girlfriend that we are friends and that’s it. That he is not going to say that to me. But they don’t…which is sad but at least it allows me to once again discard the chaff…some women hehehe It’s better to keep the distance with those negative people.
I was really surprised to hear her say that but I knew the women that she has to deal with at that bar where she worked. They were/are pretty arrogant and snobby and I guess she thought I was one of them. I might have dressed the same way [rockabilly] but I sure don’t have the attitude
I think the story about your friend has to do with his own ego. If he can’t be transparent towards his partner about the relationship you and him have then to me it sounds like he has something up his sleeve, a hidden agenda and that her feelings might be genuine, though not about you but about him: he can’t be trusted. Why can’t he be honest with both women: you and the partner? I don’t know him but to me it sounds like he’s causing the problems and not the woman, he might have given her reasons not to trust you? Being secretive about things is a very good way to damage trust and create doubts…
Personally I can’t remember if that ever happened to me but I always keep my distance if a male friend gets involved with a new woman. Some of these women turned into a close friend *hehe* because I let them know instantly that they can trust me and that I’m not interested in the guy
It’s the first thing I make clear to them so there won’t be any misunderstandings.
I always seem to have to deal with strangers at parties [women], hitting on my man or when I’m at a party on my own they think I’m after theirs. A no-win situation really and since I don’t understand their attitude, I can’t relate to them and it affects me because I would never do something like that to them, I just don’t understand their motivation. Yes definitely a good way to deal with the chaff when they are part of your circle of friends but much harder if they are strangers and you don’t want to cause a scene…