Shifting Moods

This is written during a brief hiatus from blogging, when I had no internet connection for three weeks

My moods are shifting hourly today, I’m okay most of the time but perhaps that’s because I have almost no privacy and can’t really deal with the roller coaster of emotions I’m currently going through. When I’m on my own I feel so uprooted, sad and confused, wishing I don’t have to live out of boxes feeling like I’m constantly on the move.

The slow bureaucracy system is not helping much either, it takes two weeks to send my info from one city to another. I wonder if they walk the 40 km distance to get it there… After the two weeks wait I’ll have to apply for a ‘DigiD number’ online which was introduced when I left so I never applied for it at the time since I didn’t expect to ever use it.

It takes another week to get the ‘DigiD number’ and then I can finally register with all other organisations to get the ball rolling. I’ve received a letter yesterday that I’m supposed to have internet connection again next Tuesday which is pretty quick. Let’s hope I’ll receive the modem on time so I can start installing and testing the LAN/WAN.

Once the connection is up and running the madness will start again, I have clients waiting for me to contact them. It’s okay, I can’t sit around and ‘do nothing’, I need to be busy to stay sane but on the other hand I really wish to be by myself for a while. Perhaps I’ll stay ‘invisible’, I need some time for me coz I don’t really feel like talking to anyone.

Today’s Lunacy

At times I wish I could hide under a rock and not having to face whatever it is that I should be facing *honestly I have no freakin clue*. I’m over over over-sensitive to a full moon and whatever it does, it seems to be doing it extremely well. I’m effectively out of balance today and I guess it’s due to the pulling of that moon. I have a love/hate relationship with it since it affects me big time and on the other hand I can’t wait to see a glimpse of it.

I had a restless night and a restless morning, I can’t get the things done that I’m supposed to get done and I wish for quiet and solitude. According to my constellation I’m supposed to be able to see things clearly but even trying to see through the fog that seems to cover my thoughts, I feel I can’t see anything at all and I probably don’t make much sense today either since what I’m writing sounds like nothing but riddles…

If this influence comes during a period that is otherwise difficult, it guarantees that for the moment at least you will be able to cope with your situation, no matter how difficult it becomes. Intellectual or physical work that requires perseverance and great attention to detail is favored by this influence. Also, this influence will help you get to know yourself better.

The close attention to detail that characterizes your way of seeing now will help you see yourself and your own reactions very clearly.

Sure…

It just makes me grin in a rather sarcastic way. I think I should try to stay away from certain things, like I said earlier, I crave solitude and quiet. Reorganise my thoughts and be creative, perhaps I should try working on some digital artwork today since to me that’s the only way to organise my thoughts and let go of the restless feeling without getting utterly impatient with the world around me and have a go at it just because I can.

And instead of that rock I should be where I need to be and not trying to run away from him because I might react weird for no particular reason. I know he’ll understand and has the ability to make it all go, then why don’t I feel ready, why am I fighting this? I know exactly what is going on, it’s that big fat glowing celestial orb, out there in the night, that keeps me from working and makes me behave rather erratically. Forgive me for being such a lunatic…

© K Crawford My Lunacy… December will have the largest full moon of this year