Tag Archives: Journey

New Light

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I’ve been updating the design of this website on and off, it’s a work in progress still and something that needs to be done in my spare time which is a luxury these days. I miss blogging and lately I have felt a strong urge to start writing again and pick up where I’ve left. There has been such a change in my life that I can’t even think of what to write first. Fact is though that it has and most in an extremely positive way. I’ve written about part of the changes in my previous post and how I felt I needed to redefine this blog.

So I have but it is going to show over time at a slow pace. Since I’ve started this blog as a personal diary about 10 years ago I have decided to unpublish some post that are no longer of any ‘use’ to me. They’re archived and I guess will be deleted at some point (or not). It’s still something I need to figure out, think about and make a decision. Some things I’d like to put behind me, some posts that I’ve written are fading memories that I’d either like to keep in my heart or like to forget. The latter is the reason for archiving or deleting: I am past that point and I have moved on, I’ve used it as a written waypoint at the time when I needed to stop, rethink and take action.

So ever since my last post, there has been personal turmoil on the side as well, pretty intense and undesirable but it’s the kind of stuff I do not wish to write about. It’s the kind of stuff that has been solved over time by giving it time to be solved if that makes sense. It might be best to let quiet take over and listen to what you’re being told by the Universe, I mean truly listen. And although my heart is still hurt at times, I’ve solved issues by being compassionate and learn to trust again which is the hardest part. Yes there has been damage but nothing that the strong-minded goat can’t cope with.

I’ve promised myself to focus ahead since I want to move away from deceitful scum and start with a clean slate. Ignoring the pathetic and childish stalker actions of the psychopathic cretin is one for instance. So here I am, slowly starting to write again and putting the past where it belongs: in the past. I feel like spring cleaning. Getting rid of the stuffy cretin -and other particles for that matter- that instantly make you cough or sneeze when lifted by sudden atmospheric velocity. It’s time to open the doors and let the light right in and sweep the dirt right out… :)

Zestful Perspective

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I’m happy… I’ve got perspective again and I’m proud of myself for accomplishing this. I’m still on a quest but a different one this time. Things are looking bright. I’m not there yet but that’s on a personal level: I still need to tweak myself and my way of thinking. But because I made a start with that a few months ago I finally could focus on one goal instead of many. And because of that I’ve got what I wanted, things started to pay off. Big time…

I’m properly climbing like a goat should and I did it all by myself. Oh yes there were many times where I was ready to give up and many times where I ended up being disappointed or lacking confidence. But you can’t appreciate the highs in life if you haven’t experienced the lows. Would I take the risk again? Yes I probably would but I’d do it in a different way. I would only rely on myself instead of others. That’s the mistake I made at the time.

I lost myself in another person, I lost my independence, I let go of things slowly and put the other person in control of my life without thinking about it. It was a subconscious mutual agreement, something we didn’t set out for on purpose. It just happened. There’s no blame and no guilt, it’s in the past, we’ve worked things out and are still friends. It was a lesson that life wanted to teach me and I’m glad it did because I gained so much more!

It feels so good to finally be able to breathe and to know that the dreams that I still have are within reach again. Oh yes, I have a bit of a way to go. Especially with regard to finding a place to live but I have options now which I didn’t have for the last couple of years. I might repeat certain mistakes along the way, it would be freaky if I wouldn’t though. But it doesn’t matter because I’m letting go of the perfectionist that I’d forced myself to be.

I’ve tried and I’ve succeeded: I’ve got what I wanted and even more!!! So I’ll go from there… I’m proud of myself and I’m grateful for the lessons that I’ve learned. I’m smiling when these thoughts cross my mind, I’m smiling because I’ve got the confidence again, I’m smiling because I’ve accomplished a lot more than I thought I could. It’s great if friends believe in you but most of all it’s great if you can believe in yourself again! Baby steps…