I’m happy… I’ve got perspective again and I’m proud of myself for accomplishing this. I’m still on a quest but a different one this time. Things are looking bright. I’m not there yet but that’s on a personal level: I still need to tweak myself and my way of thinking. But because I made a start with that a few months ago I finally could focus on one goal instead of many. And because of that I’ve got what I wanted, things started to pay off. Big time…
I’m properly climbing like a goat should and I did it all by myself. Oh yes there were many times where I was ready to give up and many times where I ended up being disappointed or lacking confidence. But you can’t appreciate the highs in life if you haven’t experienced the lows. Would I take the risk again? Yes I probably would but I’d do it in a different way. I would only rely on myself instead of others. That’s the mistake I made at the time.
I lost myself in another person, I lost my independence, I let go of things slowly and put the other person in control of my life without thinking about it. It was a subconscious mutual agreement, something we didn’t set out for on purpose. It just happened. There’s no blame and no guilt, it’s in the past, we’ve worked things out and are still friends. It was a lesson that life wanted to teach me and I’m glad it did because I gained so much more!
It feels so good to finally be able to breathe and to know that the dreams that I still have are within reach again. Oh yes, I have a bit of a way to go. Especially with regard to finding a place to live but I have options now which I didn’t have for the last couple of years. I might repeat certain mistakes along the way, it would be freaky if I wouldn’t though. But it doesn’t matter because I’m letting go of the perfectionist that I’d forced myself to be.
I’ve tried and I’ve succeeded: I’ve got what I wanted and even more!!! So I’ll go from there… I’m proud of myself and I’m grateful for the lessons that I’ve learned. I’m smiling when these thoughts cross my mind, I’m smiling because I’ve got the confidence again, I’m smiling because I’ve accomplished a lot more than I thought I could. It’s great if friends believe in you but most of all it’s great if you can believe in yourself again! Baby steps…
“but you can’t appreciate the highs in life if you haven’t experienced the lows.” very true. You’ve left me thinking a lot
The positive energy your post emanates is so powerful you can almost touch it
Glad for you…
I’m glad I have left you thinking lots Wen
But don’t think too much and too hard either: balance 
Thank you for your sweet words, the energy is something I could really feel: rush through my veins.
It’s still there although I’m getting impatient with it at times because as you know I’m still waiting for a date to start. But if I feel that way, I’ll turn to painting to find some peace of mind (just started a new one)