Tag Archives: Goat

Effective Channeling

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March 2011 and I’m writing another post finally. I’ve been so focused on getting certain things done that I hardly had any time to write. Well, I chose not to since I’m trying to channel my energy in a more effective way. Getting there slowly though, hence the new post. There’s too many distractions still that I need to get rid off! Like people who won’t take ‘no’ for an answer and who keep nagging me. Don’t get me wrong, they can be nice but they are the kind of people who can drain all your goodwill if you’re not careful. The kind that does not respect your boundaries whenever you set them.

I mentioned deleting ‘friends‘ on FB in my previous post and how I was expecting an email reaction. Well I got it and another one about an hour ago from the same person. I’ve had really bad RSI along with bursitis *no good!* and I told this person that I didn’t want an endless email discussion because of the pain and yet… *wink* My boundaries are yet to be respected. The Dutch have a special word for that, it’s called ‘hardleers’ or obstinate. I’m now trying to hold back and not reply straightaway but instead wait till tomorrow evening. I can tell that I’m struggling to suppress the urge.

That’s what I’m like, I instantly need to get it out of my way and out of my system. I wonder why I feel I ‘have‘ to do this, coz really… I don’t (!!!). See what I mean? So we’re back to where we started: effective channeling of energy and this person is taking more than I’m willing to give. I think it’s going to be another lesson in being assertive but this time with a more persuasive and firm tone and no more than 30 words. The next will be reduced to two words only… *wink* (if there will be a next time). So let me write down what happened in the meantime and what I’ve been doing…

Ever since my previous post I’ve been actively working on my creative idea. I’ve done research and learnt lots by reading business forums: threads that are related to my subject: jewellery. I’ve come up with a unique idea and working on this has been utterly rewarding so far. I’ve been networking a lot and met new people who are enthusiastic and willing to help. I bought a book about online marketing *who would’ve thought*. Not the boring kind but a really interesting book that focuses on many of my questions. I’ve only just started though and I realise it’s going to take more hard work!

Of course there were some setbacks, it wouldn’t be good if there weren’t any. But it helped me change my ways and look for other options and solutions to get closer to my goal. Some sweet friends helped me and have sent me some items that I needed for my idea, all the way from Malta. It’s heartwarming! It feels wonderful to have that kind of support and I can’t even tell them yet what I’ll be using it for so I really really appreciate the gesture and their belief in me! This goat is on a rocky but interesting path and slowly climbing the mountain step by step. All I need now is tad more patience…

Zestful Perspective

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I’m happy… I’ve got perspective again and I’m proud of myself for accomplishing this. I’m still on a quest but a different one this time. Things are looking bright. I’m not there yet but that’s on a personal level: I still need to tweak myself and my way of thinking. But because I made a start with that a few months ago I finally could focus on one goal instead of many. And because of that I’ve got what I wanted, things started to pay off. Big time…

I’m properly climbing like a goat should and I did it all by myself. Oh yes there were many times where I was ready to give up and many times where I ended up being disappointed or lacking confidence. But you can’t appreciate the highs in life if you haven’t experienced the lows. Would I take the risk again? Yes I probably would but I’d do it in a different way. I would only rely on myself instead of others. That’s the mistake I made at the time.

I lost myself in another person, I lost my independence, I let go of things slowly and put the other person in control of my life without thinking about it. It was a subconscious mutual agreement, something we didn’t set out for on purpose. It just happened. There’s no blame and no guilt, it’s in the past, we’ve worked things out and are still friends. It was a lesson that life wanted to teach me and I’m glad it did because I gained so much more!

It feels so good to finally be able to breathe and to know that the dreams that I still have are within reach again. Oh yes, I have a bit of a way to go. Especially with regard to finding a place to live but I have options now which I didn’t have for the last couple of years. I might repeat certain mistakes along the way, it would be freaky if I wouldn’t though. But it doesn’t matter because I’m letting go of the perfectionist that I’d forced myself to be.

I’ve tried and I’ve succeeded: I’ve got what I wanted and even more!!! So I’ll go from there… I’m proud of myself and I’m grateful for the lessons that I’ve learned. I’m smiling when these thoughts cross my mind, I’m smiling because I’ve got the confidence again, I’m smiling because I’ve accomplished a lot more than I thought I could. It’s great if friends believe in you but most of all it’s great if you can believe in yourself again! Baby steps…