Category Archives: Work

Malleable Inflexibility

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There’s been something going on over the last two, three weeks that has had a major effect on my mood. As a contractor I’m used to having to adapt to different systems, work environments, people, politics, flexable work spaces etc. Most of the time when I start on a new assignment it takes a couple of weeks to get to know people, the system, and everything else I have to work with. It takes time to adjust. So far I’ve been on an assignment by myself mostly, meaning that the contracting company (let’s call it company A) that I work for outsources me as a skilled individual to one of their clients (company B) for a certain period of time. Most of the time I’ll join a team of people but in other cases I have also worked just by myself.

I’ve been doing this for nearly six years now and never ran into problems as I was easily adjusting to new situations and people of company B. At times direct colleagues (from company A) would work for other departments of company B, but I wouldn’t have to work with them. Until about three years ago when I was asked to become part of a scrum team by company A which was placed at one of the ministries. It was the first time I was part of a team of direct colleagues, about 14 of them, divided into two teams. I was the only designer that was hired, so I had to design for both teams. This assignment lasted for a year and half before it all went pear-shaped because of the behaviour of certain team members.

I won’t go into details but let’s say my strong work ethic was way different from theirs and particularly from the scrum master. If there is any chance I would have to work with him again in the future I will refuse it, my manager knows my reasons and agrees with me. There was a clash in the end because apparently I was not allowed to vent my opinion about situations where this scrum master would abuse certain privileges given by the client, which he did almost daily. Because I had said something about it, I was no longer his ‘friend’, I was now his foe, thus he turned the teams of ‘young, malleable, first-time-job graduates’ against me. Who -of course- would follow him like sheep. Talking about professionalism ;)

I was happy to leave this toxic environment. Four months into another government assignment I’m running into something similar. I’m currently dealing with a naysayers scrum team (different client, different scrum team but people from my contracting company) showing similar traits. So far it’s manageable but the main issue is, that another direct colleague from company A has been hired at the current place as an engineer. The product owner that I worked for has left since a couple of weeks and has not been replaced yet. So this colleague is now also temporary product owner and ever since he is feeling his ‘power’ it’s gotten to his head in a negative way, displaying an extremely dominant ‘attitude.

He keeps trying to undermine my position within the department, while I don’t need to answer to him but to another co-worker. And recently he’s been trying to undermine her position as well, telling me that I don’t need her approval on my designs, that he can do that as well. Which is absolutely not true. What he doesn’t understand is that she has certain knowledge and responsibilites that are related to her job and the reason why she is hired. He is basically saying that he has the same professional skills as she does. It would be like me saying that I could easily replace him as an engineer, which I can not because I didn’t study engineering *duh*. He can’t seem to get it through his thick skull tho.

I have no clue what it is that is causing people to act like this. My attitude is and has always been one of trying to solve issues and make sure a client is contented with my designs and solutions. Trying to undermine my position in this as a co-worker is not going to make things easier as I’m not willing to just give up and bow down. I’m not the one causing the friction and you will definitely meet the Capricorn side of me. There’s more but I think it will be best to focus on how to deal with it without getting angry about it. I’m sure there will be a ‘to be continued’… hopefully in a more positive way. If not I might have to draw my conclusion and find another assignment. ‘Solo’ this time…

Visceral Charge

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Have you ever been in a situation where you felt extremely uncomfortable without being able to identify the exact issue that is causing it? I have… On several occasions actually and each time triggered by a person, spirit or thing. The other day when I was on the train on my way to work a man sat down on the seat beside me on my right. He was tall and big, not extremely big but big enough to be present in my private space as I could sense him invade it with an energy as dark and thick as night, reflecting his inner turmoil. He was restless: either leaning against the back of the seat and touching my arm with his arm or leaning over looking at me from the side or staring out of the window. I felt utterly intimidated…

His clothes were rank with this pungent smell of greasy body odor. Whenever he moved around on the seat I could catch a whiff of it, making me want to hold my breath to avoid sudden and violent projectile vomiting. I was very aware of each movement he made because of this and because of the bad energy he was exposing. Normally I don’t instantly feel intimidated by someone or something, but this time the feeling was overwhelming. As if he had taken over my private space, like a thick black unavoidable steady stream of mud continuously flowing until everything was completely covered with it. Every three minutes he would move to one side and take his phone from his right pocket to check it.

In doing so he had to lean over towards me to get it out of his pocket thus violating my space. He would check his phone for a few seconds then put it away again. This went on for about twenty minutes just before arriving at the next train station. In the meantime I was trying to avoid him by playing a few games of solitaire on my phone but his presence was unavoidable. Each time he moved I was made very aware of that, so I stopped playing and looked out the window instead, trying to ignore the restless bulk that was sitting next to me. Like an emotional predator, he was waiting for the kill but I wouldn’t give in that easy. If he was in for a mental tug of war he could definitely get one by making him feel agitated.

The more I ignored him -imagining myself sitting inside an enclosed space filled with bright light, a space that grew larger and larger- the more restless he became. He tried to make eye contact by leaning forward with his elbows on his knees, turning his head towards me and staring at me for half a minute, then he would move back again trying to lean against the back of the seat and moving his arm away in order to avoid touching my elbow. I just sat there quietly ignoring and ‘allowing’ him to play his cat and mouse game. I sat in my own white glowing energy, growing stronger by the minute. The more I imagined myself in my energy the more agitated he became which only proved what I’d sensed about him all along.

Finally the train arrived at my destiny, whilst he was sitting next to me I didn’t have a good look at him because his psycho vibes warned me not to do so, but the moment he got up I did. A rising bulk still but far less intimidating as twenty minutes earlier when staring at me. He didn’t look back but I’m guessing he could feel my piercing third eye telling him to F.O. He was wearing a military parka and a backpack, his hair was greasy, uncombed and showed scabs. His face didn’t show any expression, he was the kind that would easily blend into the crowd without anyone noticing anything odd about him. The quiet silent type and at the same time asserting a warped sense of mental authority.

I continued my commute and watched him disappear in the overcrowded train station, but it took a while to shake the feeling of what had been going on not so long ago. I still can’t explain what it was what made me feel uneasy, but it was something dark, this I know for sure… 13 Feb 2017 @ 08:03