Category Archives: Work

The Grown-up Bully

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I had an unexpected meeting last week about issues I have with a colleague. This whole situation is draining my energy and I’ve not been a happy bunny lately because of this. The person involved has been bullying me for two to three months now. I’ve tried to ignore it but the situation has become aggrevating and his attitude extremely unprofessional. So a meeting was arranged by my unit manager and his in order to talk things out. As I was expecting, it didn’t turn out well, because he is the type of person who would never admit to his behaviour and/or being wrong.

I explained what was bothering me about him and about the political games that are played and how I’m stuck in the middle whilst all five parties involved point fingers at and blame each other or bury their heads in the sand. At some point when I told him he was stubborn he nearly exploded and had to count to ten in order to control a certain outburst. Shame he managed, as it would’ve been the utter proof of what I was trying to make clear. In return he made up a nasty lie about someone who had complained about me, I could tell by the look on his face he was lying. Pathetic indeed.

Last Monday, I ran into another colleague who has started only a few months ago. We take the same bus so we’ve spent some time together that day talking about the situation at work. The first thing she said to me was that she feels like she’s in some sort of LSD trip, pointing out all the political issues and games. Up till then I thought I was the only person within this organisation who felt this way so I was happy and relieved that someone else had noticed it as well. She told me she had a good book about this explaining what was going on and how to deal with the situation.

The next day she’d sent me the ebook which was about bullying and being bullied at work. She’d told me to read a certain chapter and when I did I immediately recognised each and every subject that was explained. I just want to be left alone, do my job, do what I’m hired for and be productive, I refuse to take part in these political games and accept bad management that is causing this situation. So I’ve mentioned several times that if it won’t improve I would be gone and look for a new assignment. I’ve talked with several parties but none seem to understand what is going on.

No, let me rephrase that, they aren’t willing to see, which is a huge difference. They refuse to understand and rather blame me for the current situation. As a result of these meetings I had, and a clash with the colleague I mentioned earlier which I will now call ‘the bully’, they came up with a list of rules and regulations in regard to my responsibilities. After reading parts of that ebook I came to understand that people bully others due to their own insecurities. Usually because they’re jealous of you or because they feel like you are competition that is likely to win. Point taken…

The bully did a 180 when he replaced my former co-worker and gotten into a position where he could manipulate, make condescending comments and feed his power over others. The book is an eye-opener and a strong confirmation that this place is not healthy. I should’ve listened to my gut feeling but I was protected from these issues by my former coworker until she left (in hindsight for the exact same reasons). The presence or absence of negative consequences after bullying is what encourages the bully (‘bad’ to ‘almost no’ management, no one takes responsibility).

1. The Target’s refusal to be subservient, to not go along with being controlled (reported by 58 percent of survey respondents) If the bully is the boss of the independent and skilled Target, the boss has only to constrain the Target’s creativity, pile on impossible burdens, or steal credit for accomplishments. These Target types will leave the job or stay to outwit the bully because, thanks to their self-confidence, they have a low threshold for the lies bullies dish out. All Targets want ‘to be left alone to do the job I was hired to do, as best as I could do it.’

Time to look somewhere else ;)

The Youngsters

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I’m traveling by train each day and I’ve seen and heard lots of weird things on my way to work back and forth. Lately I’ve noticed that young people these days tend to speak annoyingly loud. The concept of privacy and/or private space of others is either something they’re not aware of or don’t seem to grasp at all. They also lack a serious amount of courtesy and show no respect for others. Pointless chatter by one or two of them seems to be the standard morning ritual. Utterly annoying and most of the time extremely loud. They don’t seem to have a clue about the fact that everyone is overhearing their conversation or when they’ll start bragging about things which makes it even more annoying and ignorant.

The other day I was on the train back to Amsterdam when I girl next to me was talking so loud to the person on the other end of the phone connection that all six people around her where sitting with an expression on their faces of total disbelief. The girl was exposing her so-called problems to the world around her in such a way she probably wasn’t even aware of. The woman opposite of me started grinning at some point and had to put her hand before her mouth to cover her laugh. I saw her face and was grinning as well. We were all spectators of the utter drama of a 20-something-year-old.

The woman opposite of me even asked her to lower her voice which she did after staring at her for a while, unfortunately it didn’t last long as within three minutes the decibels were back on the same level as they were before the remark. It wasn’t just the loudness that was causing us six to chuckle it was also the total absurdness of the conversation; the topics that were discussed and how it was discussed. She made it sound like each and every pathetic issue was the end of the world. She sounded and looked like a spoiled rich child, making us witnesses to her little drama of a soap opera.

The moment she got up and left the train, everyone around me started to laugh and remark on the ignorant attitude of this creature who unfortunately is not one of a kind… Another time -during rush hour- there were these two guys, one sitting opposite of me with his friend standing next to him and another guy also sitting opposite of me talking on the phone. The guy on the phone was speaking so loud that the other two were constantly battling and raising their voices in order to be heard by everyone nearby. One of them talked with excessive pride and self-satisfaction about his achievements.

He just got a new advertising job and his manager and colleagues had invited him to join them on a retreat to Thailand for five days. He was constantly bragging about everything he had accomplished and the guy he was talking to barely responded. I could tell he felt really uncomfortable about his boasting ‘friend’ and the volume that was used to bring the news to the whole train. In the meantime the guy on the phone couldn’t stop blabbing either. It was like a hen fight somehow and all these meaningless and pointless conversations -again- made me chuckle. What is wrong with these people?

I honestly feel blessed when I get on a train in the morning and people just don’t talk, when the quiet is so loud it becomes overwhelming. I can really really enjoy those journeys to work, where I stare into the distance and watch the meadows passing by, the beauty of nature, the sun rising and the tranquillity of the morning. I cannot imagine I would’ve been so loud at that age, I would’ve been talking that same kind of nonsense or discuss drama with someone so everyone could hear. It is not my nature nor am I the boasting type. I guess it’s a generation issue and a matter of courtesy and respect.

I’m getting ‘old’.