Category Archives: Quest

Friendly Face

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I’m on my way to my mum to sort out the last few boxes that are still there. I’m on the train when I write this. The train is delayed but I don’t mind because it’s a beautiful sunny but windy autumn day and I’m enjoying my trip so far. Something got me thinking just now because something happened a few minutes ago and on other -previous- occasions when I was on the train as well. I’m not sure if I was rude or not but let me explain first so I can draw a conclusion after.

A person walks by through the aisle and puts a note on a seat near me, most of the time without saying anything. This person will then continue to walk in the same direction thus disappear for a while. He or she is in the next carriage to put these notes on all other available seats in view of those sitting nearby. This person wants people to read the note but I found myself ignoring it this time as I know very well what is written and I was busy doing other -more important- stuff.

Basically what it comes down to is that men as well as women beg for money using some kind of a sob story. I’ve experienced other versions as well where the guy -today it was a woman- would leave a package of tissues on the seat so it doesn’t come across as begging. Of course commuters have seen it before so most ignore it like I did today. The guards also mention it through the intercom when beggars are spotted by them or people on the train.

I once read the note just to see what it was about, I had a one euro coin ready to give to the tissue guy but I had to get off the train and he wasn’t back yet so he never got the euro. At the time I thought it was a one-time thing but a few weeks later I saw the same guy on a totally different train to a totally different destination. I then realised it probably was some scam. I’ve checked the website of the railway company and noticed their article about this situation.

They tell you to warn the guards on the train the moment you see these beggars but they can only really do something about it when the guards catch the person red-handed. They will be guarded by the police out of the nearest train station and get a fine. But these people are either illegal thus have no work or they’re part of a large criminal organisation that makes lots of money through this scam. Either way, they’ll probably laugh at the fine and take the next train elsewhere.

Today when the woman came by, I was busy doing stuff and ignored what was going on. The moment I noticed the note on the seat opposite of me I realised it was ‘one of them’ again and I continued doing what I was doing. When she came back to collect the note I ignored her til the very end but she then asked me something and I had to look up and look her in the eyes. She had a friendly face and was smiling, I shook my head for a split second and ignored her again.

Right after she’d left I felt guilty for some reason, I felt I had been rude to her and wondered why I felt that way. Probably because she seemed friendly and somehow genuine while at the same time my gut was telling me I did the right thing. I somehow can’t stand people who beg. There are also homeless people near the entrance of supermarkets selling magazines but at least they do something for a living and I don’t mind buying them food or giving them one euro.

They are also polite and friendly but I never feel like they’re trying to scam me somehow. I guess that’s the main difference and I guess I shouldn’t feel guilty about not giving a friendly smiling scammer one euro, after all no matter the friendly face, a scammer remains a scammer.

Creative Sources

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I’ve been reading some old posts and wasn’t too happy about my writing. I guess these last two months have been too hectic as I can tell I’ve been rushing to finish writing certain posts, mostly whilst on the train commuting. I’ve promised myself to write every other week, but the thing about writing is that it won’t come to you if it doesn’t, just like any other creative process. I’m seriously lacking creativity lately because life seems to consume every bit of energy and time. I’ve decided to rewrite some of these posts as they do not reflect what I was trying to say, either because of bad English or rushing to get things done.

My creativity strongly depends on my mood: if I’m not happy I can’t create, I’d feel blocked and it’s no point trying. Especially with the design of jewellery, it can be hard to get started when I’m not in the right mood. Writing is a different story; I can still write when I’m pissed off, at times it even adds to the writing ;) But creating jewellery, paintings or anything else is simply not going to work. In the past I’ve tricked myself by looking forward to spending time creating jewellery over the weekend. Often it turned out utterly disappointing after I’d have a fight or discussion, instantly killing the creative process in my mind.

Something I’ve been looking forward to doing has died and when that happens I feel so frustrated. Time and energy are sparse when working and trying to juggle all the balls that life throws at you. What makes it worse, is that when I can trully dig into these creative sources it actually gives me lots and lots of energy, it’s totally relaxing and when I accomplish something it is extremely rewarding. Particularly the part when people see what I’ve made and comment on it. I don’t think I’ve ever gotten a negative reaction or criticism. Everyone seems to love it which makes me a contented and proud designer.

So while I try to keep all those balls in the air, I find myself struggling with doing the things that are most rewarding. It seems a constant battle that I can’t win especially when I need to rush because I try to make use of a commute where I would normally doze off or think about what the day will bring or has brought me on my way home. Basically what it comes down to is focus which I’m lacking because there’s too much on my mind thus too many balls to keep in the air. A circle that needs to be broken somehow but ‘how’ seems to be the main issue here. Plus knowing myself: I want it all at once…

My planner has been neglected for the last four weeks perhaps I should start there because it tells me to write down everything I did have accomplished per week. It also wants me to write down all the good things that happened during the week and I’ve noticed that if I forget to fill out this planner or neglect the tasks that I’ve appointed to myself I either feel guilty for not having done this or I find myself not focussing on stuff that actually needs to be done in order to create spare time. Like writing this blog every other week ;) this post should’ve been finished last Thursday :roll:

Only because I have a bit more time -the second assignment has finished for now until this upcoming Thursday and/or Friday- I’ve decided to catch up on things so I’d feel better. Writing this makes me grin because I still have a half year evaluation to do. This planner is actually a good way of keeping track of accomplishments and how you deal with time planning in general. I believe I’m my worst enemy when it comes to that. I’ve noticed that whenever I set my mind to it I do get stuff done which leaves me enough time to also be creative, but there’s still not enough balance.

One page contains a doodle of mine that says: ‘there should be more!!! green (in this planner)’… I’ve bought five different fluorescent markers to mark all the tasks and things that I love or should do. Each subject has its own colour, green stands for ‘jewellery and crockery project’ and guess what, it hasn’t been green in ages ;) Orange stands for ‘work’ and guess what, there’s way too much orange showing :P Writing gives me clarity, I guess this post has given me enough insight for now, I actually need to get busy sorting that planner it seems… Guess an evalution may be at hand ;)