Daily Archives: September 18, 2010

Kill This Feed

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To those of you out there who might still read this blog thru the feed. I’m going to kill it. I have different reasons for this but the main one is that I’ll be in a position where I can’t take the risk that this blog is found because of the exposure of its feed. I’m not writing this blog because of others, I’m writing this blog because I need a place to vent at times. A personal spot that I’ve built over the years and that I’d like to keep to myself.

I’ll be working for a large company as a senior web designer and I need to keep private things private. I won’t be writing about work because it would go against some of my principles. But I wouldn’t want others to find my personal thoughts on certain issues either. And I don’t see why I would keep this feed alive if those who are reading this blog already have the available url: it means you would have to come visit instead…

I realise that might be a bit inconvenient to some but a girl’s got to do what a girl’s got to do. And that’s that… I’ve been Googled when I applied for jobs (they either told me during an interview or I could tell through stats or other tools/ways) and although I’ve made sure that tracks have been removed if one is really clever one will be able to find what he/she is looking for. I’ll leave this post here for a week or so before I’ll kill the feed.

Zestful Perspective

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I’m happy… I’ve got perspective again and I’m proud of myself for accomplishing this. I’m still on a quest but a different one this time. Things are looking bright. I’m not there yet but that’s on a personal level: I still need to tweak myself and my way of thinking. But because I made a start with that a few months ago I finally could focus on one goal instead of many. And because of that I’ve got what I wanted, things started to pay off. Big time…

I’m properly climbing like a goat should and I did it all by myself. Oh yes there were many times where I was ready to give up and many times where I ended up being disappointed or lacking confidence. But you can’t appreciate the highs in life if you haven’t experienced the lows. Would I take the risk again? Yes I probably would but I’d do it in a different way. I would only rely on myself instead of others. That’s the mistake I made at the time.

I lost myself in another person, I lost my independence, I let go of things slowly and put the other person in control of my life without thinking about it. It was a subconscious mutual agreement, something we didn’t set out for on purpose. It just happened. There’s no blame and no guilt, it’s in the past, we’ve worked things out and are still friends. It was a lesson that life wanted to teach me and I’m glad it did because I gained so much more!

It feels so good to finally be able to breathe and to know that the dreams that I still have are within reach again. Oh yes, I have a bit of a way to go. Especially with regard to finding a place to live but I have options now which I didn’t have for the last couple of years. I might repeat certain mistakes along the way, it would be freaky if I wouldn’t though. But it doesn’t matter because I’m letting go of the perfectionist that I’d forced myself to be.

I’ve tried and I’ve succeeded: I’ve got what I wanted and even more!!! So I’ll go from there… I’m proud of myself and I’m grateful for the lessons that I’ve learned. I’m smiling when these thoughts cross my mind, I’m smiling because I’ve got the confidence again, I’m smiling because I’ve accomplished a lot more than I thought I could. It’s great if friends believe in you but most of all it’s great if you can believe in yourself again! Baby steps…