Reflection | A Zestful Quest

At times I wish I could hide under a rock and not having to face whatever it is that I should be facing *honestly I have no freakin clue*. I’m over over over-sensitive to a full moon and whatever it does, it seems to be doing it extremely well. I’m effectively out of balance today and I guess it’s due to the pulling of that moon. I have a love/hate relationship with it since it affects me big time and on the other hand I can’t wait to see a glimpse of it.

I had a restless night and a restless morning, I can’t get the things done that I’m supposed to get done and I wish for quiet and solitude. According to my constellation I’m supposed to be able to see things clearly but even trying to see through the fog that seems to cover my thoughts, I feel I can’t see anything at all and I probably don’t make much sense today either since what I’m writing sounds like nothing but riddles…

If this influence comes during a period that is otherwise difficult, it guarantees that for the moment at least you will be able to cope with your situation, no matter how difficult it becomes. Intellectual or physical work that requires perseverance and great attention to detail is favored by this influence. Also, this influence will help you get to know yourself better.

The close attention to detail that characterizes your way of seeing now will help you see yourself and your own reactions very clearly.

Sure…

It just makes me grin in a rather sarcastic way. I think I should try to stay away from certain things, like I said earlier, I crave solitude and quiet. Reorganise my thoughts and be creative, perhaps I should try working on some digital artwork today since to me that’s the only way to organise my thoughts and let go of the restless feeling without getting utterly impatient with the world around me and have a go at it just because I can.

And instead of that rock I should be where I need to be and not trying to run away from him because I might react weird for no particular reason. I know he’ll understand and has the ability to make it all go, then why don’t I feel ready, why am I fighting this? I know exactly what is going on, it’s that big fat glowing celestial orb, out there in the night, that keeps me from working and makes me behave rather erratically. Forgive me for being such a lunatic…

© K Crawford My Lunacy… December will have the largest full moon of this year

If you wonder where I’ve been… Well besides being busy I had to come to terms with a few issues so I needed time to reflect. Things have been slightly rough again lately or perhaps they still were: I might have been a bit in denial for some time and were forced to face it over the last few weeks. I had some kinda wake-up call and I’m not so sure yet if I should be happy about the situation or not. Actually there are a few, not just one…

Some things can make me feel extremely helpless and leave me frustrated or upset. I see someone close and dear struggling and I see someone else being completely absorbed by a relationship resulting in losing identity. In the first situation it happens long-distance so I can’t do anything about it except being there when I’m needed and I seem to fail doing so because of my own needs, making it hard to juggle. This one is passionate and slightly complicated…

In the second situation I just found out that the person might not be aware or is just blissfully in denial. I can see change in character because of the influence of a partner. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve been in a similar situation so I guess that’s exactly why my radar picked it up. Again I can’t say or do anything about it but sit this one out and when it does I better have the Kleenex and a spare room ready. I just need to figure out a way to deal with it in the meantime…

Now picture my chauldron filled to the rim with the above ingredients including an equal measure of my own concerns which aren’t exactly rosy at the moment either. Let it stew for a while… And after making a real meal out of it, the result is something that then needs to be consumed while it doesn’t really look tasty at all: a bit burnt even. Then after consuming there’s cleaning to be done so you might understand what all of this is heading for in the long run.

I’m in serious need of a time-out, so I’m taking one and only focus on the job section for now until that is all sorted. Yes it is kinda tough to me because I find it difficult to put myself first and it feels like I’m running away from others but I figured out that if I don’t put myself first I can’t be there for anyone else. So it will always be a Catch-22 if I don’t decide to do what is best for me. I’m a fast learner but a slow achiever neither is good/bad, just extremely inconvenient at times.

Last week’s other activities involved chasing up someone in the US about an order that I placed a month ago, voting for the first time in London and discovering a most beautiful art deco library [polling station] five minutes from where I live, finishing complex time-consuming flash animations, getting frustrated about recruitment agencies and their inconsistent terms of folio sizes and CV formats, I have twelve different versions of both: the number is still increasing…

So yesterday was May Day in the UK, my parents’ Wedding Day, Liberation Day in the Lowlands and a day for me to relax and clear my head. It was sunny and perfect to go for a stroll in the woods. Today will be another day of annoying recruitment registrations… At least my parcel from the US finally arrived this morning. A creative gift: something I wanted for years, to brighten my day and hopefully someone else’s when I will use it… and I’m eager to!