Bear Fruit

‘According to trend watchers, defriending will be the trend. Large numbers of people will delete vague acquaintances from their networking sites, such as Facebook, and Linkedin, because they only want to keep quality contacts. It has to do with slowing down, the need for quality time, and perhaps some network site fatigue, according to all sorts of trend blogs, which seem to echo each other.’

I just read the above snippet in an online newspaper, it confirms my feeling about the whole networking issue. I’ve mentioned in a previous post that someone refuses to reply to a friendly email that I’d sent responding to the invitation that I received from the same person. In the meantime I’ve sent another email making her aware of her non-responsive manners. I told her that it’s okay if she doesn’t want to stay in touch but that I’d like to know where I stand. So far no reaction… I was assertive but friendly so obviously the next friendly thing to do is to defriend her from the network.

I’ve always seemed to look for excuses or reasons to justify other people’s behaviour but I’ve learnt over the last few weeks that the only way to find out what’s on a person’s mind is to be clear about things and be straightforward, in other words assertive. I’m not used to being assertive and I have put myself in situations that became utterly frustrating because of this. I take full responsibility and I can’t blame others for misreading my mixed signals. I’ve changed my ways, since it didn’t make me happy having to deal with the consequences and I’ve noticed that it started to bear fruit!

If I can get rid of clutter in boxes than I should definitely be able to get rid of the clutter in my social life. The other situation seems to be slightly improving as well although I’m reluctant to trust this person to keep her promise and pay me back my money. The good thing is that if there’s no progress soon that I’ve collected enough facts to see a solicitor over time and trust me, I will… the friendship is finished as far as I’m concerned. It hurts in a way, because I’ve know this person for a long time but she broke my trust many times over the last three year so it’s best for me to let go and move on.

I have some exciting news but it’s all depending on a few circumstances so I’m going to be a bit cautious. I’ve had to deal with so many disappointments that I’ve decided not to mention anything until there is some real results. That way I won’t have expectations and I won’t disappoint myself if things are canceled once again. One has to do with a possible job offer the other has to do with a new study that I’ll start and a future plan I’m working on that involves a partner in crime… I’ve teamed up with someone but it’s all still very fresh so we have to discuss the details and plan soon.

If all goes well, I will let go of the old career slowly while preparing for the new career. I’ll have a meeting on the 8th of June to see if the study is what I expect it to be. If so, than I’ll need to prepare a case to make sure that I’ll get the funding. I have a lot of work to do in the next couple of months but it feels good to be working on my future… it does! I already met some really nice people who offered help even when I didn’t ask, they just did… Those are the kind of people I’d like to surround myself with, people who appreciate you for who you are, quality contacts and possible friends…

It all starts to bear fruit!

© Dreamstime – Mouthwatering

Carnivorous Traps

I’m getting sick and tired of people inviting me to join their online network, asking how I’m doing, what’s going on in my life and once they know, you never hear from them again. I was taught that communication goes both ways, so what is it about these people that they can’t be bothered to keep the lines open? I’m now at a point where I don’t care anymore.

I had sent a nice and friendly email back to this person: she invited me… an ex-colleague and in my opinion a friend but I guess it has quickly become an acquaintance overnight. It’s been days already since I sent the email so I’ll give it another week and then I’ll remove this person from my network again. I really don’t need people like that in my life.

Last week at the course the coach told me ‘you’re your own director of your life, you can shape it how you like’ and he’s right… I’ve learnt over the last couple of years that most people who I considered to be friends really were nothing but vague acquaintances. It’s a bitter pill at times when they don’t live up to my expectations of a friendship.

But this isn’t about expectations really, this is about my definition of a friendship… Since I used to be the one to put others first I’d gotten myself in a position where people would take advantage of that. The result of this is what I’m dealing with these days. Always ready to help others when they needed it but no one to be seen when I need them.

So it became very clear to me over the past two weeks that I should stop setting myself up for this carnivorous trap each time. I don’t need any confirmation of others, I don’t need to be helpful, kind, friendly in order for people to like me. I don’t need their confirmation nor approval to believe that I’m a good person because I am a good person!

And I definitely don’t feel the need to pretend to be friends on a networking site when they can’t even be bothered to reply to an email. *Ugh* Farewell to them. I’d rather give my energy to those who are part of my present! I wonder what’s wrong with these people: what happened to genuineness and why do they feel the need to be such fakes?

I’ve started to choose my friends wisely. My time is valuable so I decided to only invest it in those that are worthy of it and get rid of the ones who showed traits that I can’t agree with. No more fakes and no more traps…

© Zesty Gal – Pitcher plant, a trap for insects…

© Zesty Gal – Pitcher plant, a trap for insects…

© Zesty Gal – Pitcher plant, a trap for insects…