Tag Archives: Confused

Today’s Lunacy

Posted on by

At times I wish I could hide under a rock and not having to face whatever it is that I should be facing *honestly I have no freakin clue*. I’m over over over-sensitive to a full moon and whatever it does, it seems to be doing it extremely well. I’m effectively out of balance today and I guess it’s due to the pulling of that moon. I have a love/hate relationship with it since it affects me big time and on the other hand I can’t wait to see a glimpse of it.

I had a restless night and a restless morning, I can’t get the things done that I’m supposed to get done and I wish for quiet and solitude. According to my constellation I’m supposed to be able to see things clearly but even trying to see through the fog that seems to cover my thoughts, I feel I can’t see anything at all and I probably don’t make much sense today either since what I’m writing sounds like nothing but riddles…

If this influence comes during a period that is otherwise difficult, it guarantees that for the moment at least you will be able to cope with your situation, no matter how difficult it becomes. Intellectual or physical work that requires perseverance and great attention to detail is favored by this influence. Also, this influence will help you get to know yourself better.

The close attention to detail that characterizes your way of seeing now will help you see yourself and your own reactions very clearly.

Sure…

It just makes me grin in a rather sarcastic way. I think I should try to stay away from certain things, like I said earlier, I crave solitude and quiet. Reorganise my thoughts and be creative, perhaps I should try working on some digital artwork today since to me that’s the only way to organise my thoughts and let go of the restless feeling without getting utterly impatient with the world around me and have a go at it just because I can.

And instead of that rock I should be where I need to be and not trying to run away from him because I might react weird for no particular reason. I know he’ll understand and has the ability to make it all go, then why don’t I feel ready, why am I fighting this? I know exactly what is going on, it’s that big fat glowing celestial orb, out there in the night, that keeps me from working and makes me behave rather erratically. Forgive me for being such a lunatic…

© K Crawford My Lunacy… December will have the largest full moon of this year

Easter Eggs

Posted on by

I’m still recovering from an intense Easter Sunday so I’m not sure if what I will write in my post will make any sense. I guess I shouldn’t even try… Yesterday I went over to MvdM. and W.’s to spend the day there: eating, drinking, playing silly games and having fun. It’s been a while since I’ve had tears of laughter watching a guy doing a lap dance and totally cracking me up. It’s been a while since I took the piss out of friends because they couldn’t stand losing a silly game[s]. I came home at 06.45 this morning feeling totally knackered and ready to catch up on some sleep. After six hours of rest I still feel like I’m not on this planet so I haven’t done much today which is ok I guess. I’m just gonna have a slow day/evening and relax a bit.

MvdM. and W. cooked a lovely dinner yesterday and for the third time in my life I had lamb, which to some might seem as something not worth mentioning, but since this is the country of ‘lamb dinners’, admitting to anyone British, that you don’t like lamb is like committing an offence. So when MvdM. mentioned it the other day, I cautiously tried to explain to him that it’s not really one of my favourite dishes [shank], but I was willing to give it a try. I don’t like the strong flavour and the only two times I had it, the meat was either barbecued [chops] or minced [shish kebab]. Anything that is slightly gamey puts me off but I tried and I must say, I kind of liked it, although I probably would never order it at a restaurant. I had a traditional Sunday roast and it was good but I’d rather watch those lambs being silly.

It’s weird but even though I had a great Easter I can’t shake off that feeling of realisation and feeling sad on days like these. I had a tough, long, four-days-weekend altogether so being able to spend time with friends was an extremely welcome distraction. I was confronted again with ghosts from the past and certain decisions had to be made that forced me to think about what happened last year. Time is running out and I can feel the pressure and tension building up. It’s freaky because on one hand I’m getting the progress I was looking for but on the other it seems to trigger a negative impatient spurt with the other party. All of a sudden decisions are made for me, or I’m forced to decide about matters that I can’t decide about until my life is reconstructed again. Reality starts hitting me hard and more often.

I can sense change, which is good, if only I can stay sane while all of this is going on putting more and more pressure on me. I noticed I no longer fight things and instead agree quietly without a word, just for the sake of it. I wonder how much one is supposed to literally lose in order to gain or win. Was it really all worth fighting for in the end? Tomorrow is exactly one year ago and if I look back all I can see are struggles: a rough sea with gales, force ten at least… How I wish to find my harbour and a beautiful calm sea where I can sit on a bench listening to the still life in front of me. How I long to have Easter breakfast accompanied by that one person who is closer to me than anyone else and yet so far away; I know he would hide eggs for me, just for me, because he wants me to be happy and be silly for a moment.

Perhaps next year…

Listening to the still life…