Coffee and Chocolate. Two of my favourite things, two things that could really win my affection. I couldn’t resist and had to redesign the theme of this blog. I am in need of these two things, I want them to surround me constantly on a daily basis, because they make me feel happier which is a good thing and most of all something I desperately need at the moment.
I’m okay but I had two really bad weeks where I couldn’t get anything done because of personal reasons that I wrote about somewhere in February or March this year. It’s not nice having to walk on eggshells all the time or else you’re attacked for no particular reason, since anything you say or do will be a trigger. What I find hard to understand is why it’s not dealt with, but instead taken out on me. Well, it’s dealt with but only when I point out the type of behaviour. I reckon that’s the way it is and has been for quite some time now. That’s when I start to wonder what happened to me.
I trusted the other person not to crush that part of me that was longing to be loved, be vulnerable and open, isn’t that a normal thing to expect from a relationship? Mistake. And I guess I didn’t want to see the signs and therefore have to pay for it these days by having that part of me severely crushed from time to time… So when I have a good day I try to pick up the pieces and try to find myself, the ‘me’ that is known to my friends, to those around me who respect me and accept me for who I am: the vulnerable and strong person, the surviver and fighter…
But I have trouble finding her when I’m crushed again, hurt and in need of comfort and support. Comfort and support doesn’t seem to be within reach ever since I moved country. So if I have a bad day I increase the Seratonin and Phenylethylamine levels by having some chocolate, just a bit, I know my limits. Well… at least when it comes to chocolate.
I wish things were normal again…
Tag Archives: Coffee
Hibernating Cereals
Never thought I would ever eat cereals again since I don’t really like them. I don’t like the combination of cold milk and crispiness but I also dislike the combination of cold milk and soggy stuff in it. I find it gross. So there’s only one option left: eat fast and end up with stomach ache…
I had to eat Weetabix minis [even the sound of the word Weetabix causes a nasty look on my face] with soy milk & banana for breakfast. I tried to avoid all the cereals but had to give in. Just to try again once and see if I might like it. To be honest it wasn’t that bad after all but I still prefer oatmeal.
I just ate as quick as possible and I reckon that can’t be good either. Another thing: that stuff is full of sugar and in this case also hazelnuts and almonds. The only two nuts that I’m allergic to. You must think; wow she’s a nutter… And yes I am, just curious to see if I’m *still* allergic to them.
If my face is swollen tomorrow or very very itchy I can tell I’m still allergic to these nuts. Anyway what’s wrong with triggering your body reactions every now and then. It’s good, it will stay alert that way instead of dormant.
That’s why most people like to work for a boss. Just the fact that he could walk in any minute and catch you in the act of sleeping at your desk is the thrill they’re looking for… Sad thing is, most people ever get caught and are permanently dormant even close to hibernating.
To be honest I could use some sleep right now, but I need to work, work, work. We went to bed quite late last night because I wanted this song from AS. so I could practice singing today. It’s something I. and him have composed.
AS. added drums to it with his new cool drum machine and I will have to add lyrics and vocals to it. Quite tough because it’s a complex song so I’m listening to it now, over and over again, while I’m working on my cute little bee. Better go before I do fall asleep.
Better get some coffee first! See ya.