Category Archives: Zesty Gal

The Grown-up Bully

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I had an unexpected meeting last week about issues I have with a colleague. This whole situation is draining my energy and I’ve not been a happy bunny lately because of this. The person involved has been bullying me for two to three months now. I’ve tried to ignore it but the situation has become aggrevating and his attitude extremely unprofessional. So a meeting was arranged by my unit manager and his in order to talk things out. As I was expecting, it didn’t turn out well, because he is the type of person who would never admit to his behaviour and/or being wrong.

I explained what was bothering me about him and about the political games that are played and how I’m stuck in the middle whilst all five parties involved point fingers at and blame each other or bury their heads in the sand. At some point when I told him he was stubborn he nearly exploded and had to count to ten in order to control a certain outburst. Shame he managed, as it would’ve been the utter proof of what I was trying to make clear. In return he made up a nasty lie about someone who had complained about me, I could tell by the look on his face he was lying. Pathetic indeed.

Last Monday, I ran into another colleague who has started only a few months ago. We take the same bus so we’ve spent some time together that day talking about the situation at work. The first thing she said to me was that she feels like she’s in some sort of LSD trip, pointing out all the political issues and games. Up till then I thought I was the only person within this organisation who felt this way so I was happy and relieved that someone else had noticed it as well. She told me she had a good book about this explaining what was going on and how to deal with the situation.

The next day she’d sent me the ebook which was about bullying and being bullied at work. She’d told me to read a certain chapter and when I did I immediately recognised each and every subject that was explained. I just want to be left alone, do my job, do what I’m hired for and be productive, I refuse to take part in these political games and accept bad management that is causing this situation. So I’ve mentioned several times that if it won’t improve I would be gone and look for a new assignment. I’ve talked with several parties but none seem to understand what is going on.

No, let me rephrase that, they aren’t willing to see, which is a huge difference. They refuse to understand and rather blame me for the current situation. As a result of these meetings I had, and a clash with the colleague I mentioned earlier which I will now call ‘the bully’, they came up with a list of rules and regulations in regard to my responsibilities. After reading parts of that ebook I came to understand that people bully others due to their own insecurities. Usually because they’re jealous of you or because they feel like you are competition that is likely to win. Point taken…

The bully did a 180 when he replaced my former co-worker and gotten into a position where he could manipulate, make condescending comments and feed his power over others. The book is an eye-opener and a strong confirmation that this place is not healthy. I should’ve listened to my gut feeling but I was protected from these issues by my former coworker until she left (in hindsight for the exact same reasons). The presence or absence of negative consequences after bullying is what encourages the bully (‘bad’ to ‘almost no’ management, no one takes responsibility).

1. The Target’s refusal to be subservient, to not go along with being controlled (reported by 58 percent of survey respondents) If the bully is the boss of the independent and skilled Target, the boss has only to constrain the Target’s creativity, pile on impossible burdens, or steal credit for accomplishments. These Target types will leave the job or stay to outwit the bully because, thanks to their self-confidence, they have a low threshold for the lies bullies dish out. All Targets want ‘to be left alone to do the job I was hired to do, as best as I could do it.’

Time to look somewhere else ;)

Malleable Inflexibility

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There’s been something going on over the last two, three weeks that has had a major effect on my mood. As a contractor I’m used to having to adapt to different systems, work environments, people, politics, flexable work spaces etc. Most of the time when I start on a new assignment it takes a couple of weeks to get to know people, the system, and everything else I have to work with. It takes time to adjust. So far I’ve been on an assignment by myself mostly, meaning that the contracting company (let’s call it company A) that I work for outsources me as a skilled individual to one of their clients (company B) for a certain period of time. Most of the time I’ll join a team of people but in other cases I have also worked just by myself.

I’ve been doing this for nearly six years now and never ran into problems as I was easily adjusting to new situations and people of company B. At times direct colleagues (from company A) would work for other departments of company B, but I wouldn’t have to work with them. Until about three years ago when I was asked to become part of a scrum team by company A which was placed at one of the ministries. It was the first time I was part of a team of direct colleagues, about 14 of them, divided into two teams. I was the only designer that was hired, so I had to design for both teams. This assignment lasted for a year and half before it all went pear-shaped because of the behaviour of certain team members.

I won’t go into details but let’s say my strong work ethic was way different from theirs and particularly from the scrum master. If there is any chance I would have to work with him again in the future I will refuse it, my manager knows my reasons and agrees with me. There was a clash in the end because apparently I was not allowed to vent my opinion about situations where this scrum master would abuse certain privileges given by the client, which he did almost daily. Because I had said something about it, I was no longer his ‘friend’, I was now his foe, thus he turned the teams of ‘young, malleable, first-time-job graduates’ against me. Who -of course- would follow him like sheep. Talking about professionalism ;)

I was happy to leave this toxic environment. Four months into another government assignment I’m running into something similar. I’m currently dealing with a naysayers scrum team (different client, different scrum team but people from my contracting company) showing similar traits. So far it’s manageable but the main issue is, that another direct colleague from company A has been hired at the current place as an engineer. The product owner that I worked for has left since a couple of weeks and has not been replaced yet. So this colleague is now also temporary product owner and ever since he is feeling his ‘power’ it’s gotten to his head in a negative way, displaying an extremely dominant ‘attitude.

He keeps trying to undermine my position within the department, while I don’t need to answer to him but to another co-worker. And recently he’s been trying to undermine her position as well, telling me that I don’t need her approval on my designs, that he can do that as well. Which is absolutely not true. What he doesn’t understand is that she has certain knowledge and responsibilites that are related to her job and the reason why she is hired. He is basically saying that he has the same professional skills as she does. It would be like me saying that I could easily replace him as an engineer, which I can not because I didn’t study engineering *duh*. He can’t seem to get it through his thick skull tho.

I have no clue what it is that is causing people to act like this. My attitude is and has always been one of trying to solve issues and make sure a client is contented with my designs and solutions. Trying to undermine my position in this as a co-worker is not going to make things easier as I’m not willing to just give up and bow down. I’m not the one causing the friction and you will definitely meet the Capricorn side of me. There’s more but I think it will be best to focus on how to deal with it without getting angry about it. I’m sure there will be a ‘to be continued’… hopefully in a more positive way. If not I might have to draw my conclusion and find another assignment. ‘Solo’ this time…