Category Archives: Mind Tricks

Mystery Man

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I had a dream last night. I was invited to a housewarming of a friend of mine who had moved into some new fancy area. On my way there near the entrance of the building, I ran into an old friend of the family [my friend’s family] that I haven’t had seen for ages. A gentleman, slightly older; he started talking to me and was happy to see me. He said ‘come, there is something I need to show you’ and he held me like he was about to start dancing; holding my hand in his and an arm around my waist. He whispered in my ear ‘I’ve heard of what you’re going through, what you’ve gotten yourself into…’

Then he started dancing with me and we were lifted from the ground, slowly moving in circles. While we were lifted he showed me all the different types of flowers on the balconies of the building, flying through the air moving up and down along the balconies. There was one particular balcony that I liked and I asked him to show it to me again. There were these beautiful wild flowers blooming in white, violet and deep purple colours [bearded iris, loosestrife]. The flowers on each balcony were amazingly beautiful and I felt so safe, comfortable and happy while being in his arms, dancing in the air and looking around, I was laughing and smiling.

We slowly drifted back on the floor again when he said to me in a serious tone of voice: ‘if only I could make you see, make it clear to you… for all those years…’ He didn’t finish his sentence and suddenly started to rattle away about good old times and memories. I could guess what he had tried to tell me and for a few seconds I looked at him as if he had changed into a completely different person. I saw some qualities I had never noticed before and realised he could make me see things in a different perspective, he could make me enjoy the beauty of nature, flowers and probably a lot more…

It all felt so familiar to me and while looking at him -chatting away while he held on to me tightly- I knew everything would be alright again. I just had discovered something really precious, a deja-vu of my future…

Coffee and Chocolate

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Coffee and Chocolate. Two of my favourite things, two things that could really win my affection. I couldn’t resist and had to redesign the theme of this blog. I am in need of these two things, I want them to surround me constantly on a daily basis, because they make me feel happier which is a good thing and most of all something I desperately need at the moment.
I’m okay but I had two really bad weeks where I couldn’t get anything done because of personal reasons that I wrote about somewhere in February or March this year. It’s not nice having to walk on eggshells all the time or else you’re attacked for no particular reason, since anything you say or do will be a trigger. What I find hard to understand is why it’s not dealt with, but instead taken out on me. Well, it’s dealt with but only when I point out the type of behaviour. I reckon that’s the way it is and has been for quite some time now. That’s when I start to wonder what happened to me.
I trusted the other person not to crush that part of me that was longing to be loved, be vulnerable and open, isn’t that a normal thing to expect from a relationship? Mistake. And I guess I didn’t want to see the signs and therefore have to pay for it these days by having that part of me severely crushed from time to time… So when I have a good day I try to pick up the pieces and try to find myself, the ‘me’ that is known to my friends, to those around me who respect me and accept me for who I am: the vulnerable and strong person, the surviver and fighter…
But I have trouble finding her when I’m crushed again, hurt and in need of comfort and support. Comfort and support doesn’t seem to be within reach ever since I moved country. So if I have a bad day I increase the Seratonin and Phenylethylamine levels by having some chocolate, just a bit, I know my limits. Well… at least when it comes to chocolate.
I wish things were normal again…