I’m stuck between the past and the future. I’m in a surreal world, where sweetness becomes bitterness and things aren’t what they seem. Subtle cruelty to the mind. All I can do is sit and watch the show until the lights come on again so I can walk out. Left with an impression so deep, it aches my heart.
Darkness is there for tears to draw their invisible though warm track on my cold skin. I try to hold in my breath and make no sound. If only he knew. But my confused tears are mine. Running down my cheeks, tiny little rivers from the spring of my soul.
And I cry my muffled cry, while the emptiness in my head rocks me to sleep again. Slowly. Only for a moment, to escape from the things that are just shadows. Till I find myself awake again in the tight corner of this vicious circle. My freaky merry-go-round…
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Category Archives: Mind Tricks
Mum’s Letter
I received a letter from my mum today. I admire her strength because even though she has rheumatoid arthritis she still writes and sends me letters every now and then. There’s been very little communication between my mum and me for years because there was no trust. I always felt like I couldn’t honestly say what I wanted to say. I did once tell her how I felt about things after my father passed away and she hung up on me. I tried many times but it doesn’t seem to work so I gave up in a way. What’s the point if someone refuses to listen to you or literally ignore you or what you are trying to tell them?
Ever since I moved to the UK, I have been sending her little surprises, a nicely wrapped gift box with over a hundred pictures in them, I’ve printed them and cut them myself. Each set of pictures wrapped in nice golden tissue paper along with a very long detailed letter. I’ve sent her another parcel on her birthday in February and ordered a book for her which was delivered the next day. So I make sure I’ll send her those little messages of appreciation and I try not to have any expectations in return.
So each time a letter gets in I’m eager to open it and read it. She was very positive in this letter and she told me she was happy with the set of pictures I sent her for her birthday and the beautiful book. She feels lonely ever since my father passed away and is having a hard time moving on, it will be five years ago this October. I can relate to her loneliness and deep down I hope she will find the strength to move on and leave the past for what it is, it is only holding her back and making her feel miserable. I’m not allowed to tell her, it upsets her.
So whenever I write her back I always emphasise her strength, because I do admire her strength. I guess she is just too insecure to realise what power she holds within. So I won’t stop sending her little tokens of love and appreciation, no matter what she does with them. Hopefully one day she will be able to set her self free from her past and everything related to that so she can enjoy life as it is… and truly live.