Category Archives: Quest

Visceral Charge

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Have you ever been in a situation where you felt extremely uncomfortable without being able to identify the exact issue that is causing it? I have… On several occasions actually and each time triggered by a person, spirit or thing. The other day when I was on the train on my way to work a man sat down on the seat beside me on my right. He was tall and big, not extremely big but big enough to be present in my private space as I could sense him invade it with an energy as dark and thick as night, reflecting his inner turmoil. He was restless: either leaning against the back of the seat and touching my arm with his arm or leaning over looking at me from the side or staring out of the window. I felt utterly intimidated…

His clothes were rank with this pungent smell of greasy body odor. Whenever he moved around on the seat I could catch a whiff of it, making me want to hold my breath to avoid sudden and violent projectile vomiting. I was very aware of each movement he made because of this and because of the bad energy he was exposing. Normally I don’t instantly feel intimidated by someone or something, but this time the feeling was overwhelming. As if he had taken over my private space, like a thick black unavoidable steady stream of mud continuously flowing until everything was completely covered with it. Every three minutes he would move to one side and take his phone from his right pocket to check it.

In doing so he had to lean over towards me to get it out of his pocket thus violating my space. He would check his phone for a few seconds then put it away again. This went on for about twenty minutes just before arriving at the next train station. In the meantime I was trying to avoid him by playing a few games of solitaire on my phone but his presence was unavoidable. Each time he moved I was made very aware of that, so I stopped playing and looked out the window instead, trying to ignore the restless bulk that was sitting next to me. Like an emotional predator, he was waiting for the kill but I wouldn’t give in that easy. If he was in for a mental tug of war he could definitely get one by making him feel agitated.

The more I ignored him -imagining myself sitting inside an enclosed space filled with bright light, a space that grew larger and larger- the more restless he became. He tried to make eye contact by leaning forward with his elbows on his knees, turning his head towards me and staring at me for half a minute, then he would move back again trying to lean against the back of the seat and moving his arm away in order to avoid touching my elbow. I just sat there quietly ignoring and ‘allowing’ him to play his cat and mouse game. I sat in my own white glowing energy, growing stronger by the minute. The more I imagined myself in my energy the more agitated he became which only proved what I’d sensed about him all along.

Finally the train arrived at my destiny, whilst he was sitting next to me I didn’t have a good look at him because his psycho vibes warned me not to do so, but the moment he got up I did. A rising bulk still but far less intimidating as twenty minutes earlier when staring at me. He didn’t look back but I’m guessing he could feel my piercing third eye telling him to F.O. He was wearing a military parka and a backpack, his hair was greasy, uncombed and showed scabs. His face didn’t show any expression, he was the kind that would easily blend into the crowd without anyone noticing anything odd about him. The quiet silent type and at the same time asserting a warped sense of mental authority.

I continued my commute and watched him disappear in the overcrowded train station, but it took a while to shake the feeling of what had been going on not so long ago. I still can’t explain what it was what made me feel uneasy, but it was something dark, this I know for sure… 13 Feb 2017 @ 08:03

Copper Issue

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I’ve been trying new techniques and new materials for my jewellery lately but I seem to be stuck at the moment as I’m trying to find a solution for some problems I ran into. The idea that is on my mind is a cool one but in order to get it done I need to try things that -to me- are scary in a way. Each tool I use that needs a combination of speed and something sharp in order to do what it’s supposed to do I feel utterly uncomfortable with. Tools like a circular saw or a Dremel metal drill bit, a high speed cutter, or even the fast rotating Dremel carbon steel brushes/abrasive buffs I’ve used for polishing. Yes I’ve used them all but I was and am hesitant to do so because I know myself well enough ;)

I can be extremely preoccupied, thinking too many thoughts at once or trying to do several things at the same time. If I’m in such a mood I turn into a living disaster the moment I’d use my cordless Dremel or any other tool. Trust me I’ve done it before ending up cutting myself or letting the tool slip or worse. I guess it also has to do with getting older and getting more aware of lingering dangerous situations. The first time I’ve used a circular saw was in 2000 (17 years ago) when I had just moved into my new apartment where I was renovating the kitchen all by myself. I had lent the saw from a friend who lived nearby and since there was no-one around to help me I had to figure it out myself.

I’ve renovated the kitchen cabinets with a new kitchen worktop and had to make a hole to fit the sink in plus I made four more triangular shelves of the leftover bit. The worktop had a round edge profile which I wanted at the front of the shelves. So I had to fit it in the corner which was not exactly in a 90° angle as the walls didn’t have a flat surface, there were bumps in the plaster everywhere. But I’ve managed. Yes I was scared to use that tool as I had never used it before and had no idea how fast it would be or how it would behave whilst going through the wood. Would it be a smooth experience, would it go fast, would it slip away. etc., etc. Would I be careful enough to handle it?

I’ve fixed so many things over the years without hesitation, piping throughout the apartment, several old Vaillant geysers MAG 125/7.1 TZ which needed cleaning and fixing, gas heaters and so forth. Apart from renovations I’ve also always redecorated each apartment I’ve moved into myself, so I guess I could say I’m quite the DIY gal ;) Still these speedy power tools, make me feel uncomfortable the moment I have to use one which results in postponing what needs to be done in order to get to the next step of the design process. For this particular idea I have used copper piping which I have cut into rings with all different widths. Subsequently the rings need to be attached to each other.

The cutting is done by hand so there was no fear factor involved just yet but as I want to attach them to each other I will have to drill holes in each ring. I’ll also have to smoothen the edges because the cutter has left it very sharp. I recently cut myself when I took one of the rings to measure my wire wrapping design. I’ll use my Dremel to drill the holes with a very thin drill bit and perhaps to smoothen the edges of the rings as well. I still need to look into that particular part (mark the word ‘still’ ;) ) as I have been ‘busy’ looking for alternative solutions. Copper piping also gets really hot, I’ve noticed the first time I made a hole and I f… up my drill, I’m prepared this time: I’ve bought 3 spare drills :shock:

In my mind -whilst thinking about solutions- I was adding the additional horror value in case something would go wrong. I’ve read too many stories about broken cutting disks and hot flying fragments at colossal speed and the damage they can do (yes I wear safety glasses but still). I think I can retrace this reaction to a childhood memory where I’m sitting at my mum’s sewing machine -eight years old- sewing a nightdress when at some point the needle breaks. I felt it hit my cheeck at the time, only a few centimeters from my left eye. Ever since, ‘velocity’, ‘sharp-edged’, ‘high speed’ and ‘rotating’ used in one sentence causes me to try and find a workaround that is less scary to me.

See how I move around in circles? :roll: I think it’s time to get out of my comfort zone and ‘just do it’… The pillar drills is set and waiting to be used for weeks now. Guess I’ll be reporting back soon :cool: