I’m getting sick and tired of people inviting me to join their online network, asking how I’m doing, what’s going on in my life and once they know, you never hear from them again. I was taught that communication goes both ways, so what is it about these people that they can’t be bothered to keep the lines open? I’m now at a point where I don’t care anymore.
I had sent a nice and friendly email back to this person: she invited me… an ex-colleague and in my opinion a friend but I guess it has quickly become an acquaintance overnight. It’s been days already since I sent the email so I’ll give it another week and then I’ll remove this person from my network again. I really don’t need people like that in my life.
Last week at the course the coach told me ‘you’re your own director of your life, you can shape it how you like’ and he’s right… I’ve learnt over the last couple of years that most people who I considered to be friends really were nothing but vague acquaintances. It’s a bitter pill at times when they don’t live up to my expectations of a friendship.
But this isn’t about expectations really, this is about my definition of a friendship… Since I used to be the one to put others first I’d gotten myself in a position where people would take advantage of that. The result of this is what I’m dealing with these days. Always ready to help others when they needed it but no one to be seen when I need them.
So it became very clear to me over the past two weeks that I should stop setting myself up for this carnivorous trap each time. I don’t need any confirmation of others, I don’t need to be helpful, kind, friendly in order for people to like me. I don’t need their confirmation nor approval to believe that I’m a good person because I am a good person!
And I definitely don’t feel the need to pretend to be friends on a networking site when they can’t even be bothered to reply to an email. *Ugh* Farewell to them. I’d rather give my energy to those who are part of my present! I wonder what’s wrong with these people: what happened to genuineness and why do they feel the need to be such fakes?
I’ve started to choose my friends wisely. My time is valuable so I decided to only invest it in those that are worthy of it and get rid of the ones who showed traits that I can’t agree with. No more fakes and no more traps…
© Zesty Gal – Pitcher plant, a trap for insects…
© Zesty Gal – Pitcher plant, a trap for insects…
© Zesty Gal – Pitcher plant, a trap for insects…
I can relate completely. I meet so many people as I move around the world (well, Europe) and it always seems to me that I’m the one who makes more effort to keep in touch than they do. I’ve grown tired of it too so now I guess I already expect people not to stay in touch.. although it still hurts a bit. Wonder how many friends I’ve made in England will still be my friends once I leave…
As for social networking sites, that’s a whole different story. I definitely don’t consider all of the people I have added as “friends” my real friends, more often they’re not, however it still is interesting to see what people I once knew are doing with their lives. And sometimes, you get a nice surprise when you hear from someone who you thought was long gone from your life
I agree with you that it can be interesting to see what a person is doing with their life but all too often I’ve seen some kind of superficial bragging behaviour on these websites that I really don’t like… I only add certain people on FB so I don’t really mind if there is no contact, these people know what I’m like so it doesn’t matter.
But the network that I was talking about is a ‘professional’ one, related to business/work and I’m so gonna remove that person
I guess what I’m trying to say in this post is that I should become more assertive… Set my boundaries and be clear about them.
It’s good to meet lots of people and I’m sure there’s always that one person that you’ll stay in touch with. Friends come and go anyway, especially when there is personal growth. This often means that you’re moving on and leaving things behind, including ‘friends’… Hope that makes sense
I envy you for not having any expectations *good for you!!!*, I don’t think I could… it doesn’t seem to be my nature…
‘ I’ve learnt over the last couple of years that most people who I considered to be friends really were nothing but vague acquaintances. It’s a bitter pill at times when they don’t live up to my expectations of a friendship.
But this isn’t about expectations really, this is about my definition of a friendship…’
I can totally relate to that. In fact I am constantly analysing what’s going on with my relationships and how I hate to be chasing people or how rude some people can be (not replying to an email or message for instance). It is disappointing because of what you mention: the expectations and the mere definition of friendship doesn’t have place for people like those.
As someone wise told me once
at least these situations help to discard those people who are not worth it 
I have also done the same for relatives. My experience is that usually when people one is not really close with ask you how you are and stuff like that, they are not really genuine and are not asking really because they care. It is merely curiousity and the fact that they want to enjoy listening to how bad you feel or you are doing or if you are doing ok to bitch about your achievements. My opinion of course, mostly based on my life experience.
Anyway, have a great weekend!
Oh I hear you… and I so totally relate to your remark about curiosity… it’s true. I always send them back an email with facts about my life but I almost never receive anything back. I open up to them but they refuse to open up to me: I wonder if it’s envy because if the person would have positive feelings then he/she would at least send another reply, common courtesy right?
I’m in an extremely assertive mood today so I’m gonna do something about it. I’ve just sent an email that has been in my outbox for months waiting to be send and I finally did it, so more about that in a new post. I think I’m mostly upset with myself for falling into the trap again by trusting them and giving them too much information. I’m gonna be more private, more selective and more assertive!
Oh btw, I’ve ditched a few people already because I got fed up with their behaviour and endless list of promises… and it feels good. However I just ditched them without telling them why because I tend to be not that assertive but ever since I’ve been taking the course I learnt to be more assertive and feel I should let them know, I did earlier and it feels great