Tag Archives: Shock

After Shock

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I’m an addict, I’m addicted to tv-series. Not the regular ones and no comedy, the ones that intrigue me, the ones that make me think about subjects. Monday night was the start of a new season of this show I’ve watched for years now. I remember seeing the first episode and I was shocked by the horror of the creatures that are a threat to mankind. I’m talking about The Walking Dead. At first these zombies creeped me out but after watching the show for a while you start to get used to the gore that’s being displayed. Deep down you realise it’s all fake and I must say that the make-up artists did an extremely good job at making things so realistic. Still everyone watching the show is aware of the fact that these creatures aren’t real.

I have a love hate relationship with this show. The storyline is often thrilling and the suspense is killing me just like the cliffhangers. I’m not the faint-hearted type and I enjoy a tacky horror movie at times but it’s different with this show. The people are ‘real’, the situation is ‘real’, it’s a new world with a new enemy, the zombies. Mankind needs to find ways to deal with them and new ways to survive. Through each season the protagonists were able to, made new friends and although there is a constant threat, they would find ways to pick up the pieces, move on and start building again. So far -watching six seasons- it has been shocking at times, people died in horrid ways, but the bad guys were always defeated by the good guys.

Last night I watched the start of the seventh season and was appalled by what was shown. It was not the gore, it was the interaction between the whole group of protagonists and the peronality called ‘Negan’ leader of a gang, who had taken them into captivity. It was the behaviour of this one manipulative, cruel, sadistic and ruthless person, an inhumane dictator, and even that doesn’t cover it. What was shown was some of the most upsetting images I’ve ever watched on TV. Negan hit one of the protagonists on the head with a baseball bat, so hard that his eye pops out. A few moments later he completely bashes his skull until nothing is left but a bloody mess. This was his second victim shown in extreme outrageously grotesque detail.

When the show was over I was left in shock, going over things again and again. I didn’t want to watch this show anymore, they’ve crossed that line to me and I really don’t understand how it’s possible that they show this on TV when other less cruel, less violent images are banned or censored straight away. I’ve looked up reviews to see how other people feel about this -as at first I thought it was just me- but most of them share my sentiments and thoughts. I’m left with a bleak overall feeling not sure what to make of it…

Dissection of Nightmares

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Sunday night Monday morning (18th-19th of May)

Bad dreams seem to be taking over my nights lately and keeping me from a decent sleep. I don’t know what to think of them to be honest because they’re not the friendly kind if you know what I mean. I’ve waited a day to write this one down, I was still upset about it yesterday and had this odd feeling bothering me all day. I could not talk about it, so I kept quiet -literally quiet- while I tried to dissect this nightmare.

I can’t remember all of the dream but it felt good and peaceful, until I got to the last bit where all of a sudden I was on top of several roofs of this cluster of buildings. All flat zinc roofs, like the ones we have here in NL in the large cities. About 12 metres away from me I saw my brother, his wife and my 8 year old niece looking through a window waving at me. They seemed to be watching me, like I was about to do something.

I was in the back at one of the flat roof tops looking at them and looking down, realising it was extremely high up there and no railing to keep you from falling. I noticed there was a Dutch cargo bike near the window and my niece was about to forcefully push it away into my direction. I had to keep an eye on where it would go since the roofs where sloping down on my end and gaining speed it could push me right over.

The cargo bike started to move into my direction and as it was speeding up, halfway down, it hit a big bolt that was sticking out of a roof. The bike split into two halves, right in the middle across the longer side and both halves toppled over. I watched like it happened in slow motion. A second later I looked to my right and found to my horror that with my right hand I was holding my niece by her wrist, dangling over the edge.

My right arm is my weak spot, due to RSI I have no strength in that arm and I definitely can’t hold an eight year old child sideways. I felt her wrist become slippery from my damp hand and I could feel how I slowly started to lose grip on her. She looked at me with a growing panic in her eyes like she was screaming at me not to let go. Begging me to save her life… I will never ever forget that despaired look on her face.

I turned my head away from her to see where my brother was and if he could be there in time to help me. I only had seconds left. He stood in front of me and the moment I looked him in the eyes, he had pulled her back on the roof. Not a word was said, not a sound was heard while this was going on. Like all noise had quiet down and everything was holding its breath. Seconds seemed to last forever and then again they weren’t.

My brother’s wife gave me a blank look whilst my niece ran towards her arms, looking for consolation of the distress she’d just been through. I was unable to speak and still in shock. That very moment I woke up, gasping for air and crying my eyes out until I fell asleep again. The horrible feeling remained and I woke up that morning with a serious emotional hangover.

I’m still contemplating what this nightmare means. I think I understand what it is trying to tell me but I need to think some more before I will write it down. Bear with me…