Tag Archives: Reflection

New Light

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I’ve been updating the design of this website on and off, it’s a work in progress still and something that needs to be done in my spare time which is a luxury these days. I miss blogging and lately I have felt a strong urge to start writing again and pick up where I’ve left. There has been such a change in my life that I can’t even think of what to write first. Fact is though that it has and most in an extremely positive way. I’ve written about part of the changes in my previous post and how I felt I needed to redefine this blog.

So I have but it is going to show over time at a slow pace. Since I’ve started this blog as a personal diary about 10 years ago I have decided to unpublish some post that are no longer of any ‘use’ to me. They’re archived and I guess will be deleted at some point (or not). It’s still something I need to figure out, think about and make a decision. Some things I’d like to put behind me, some posts that I’ve written are fading memories that I’d either like to keep in my heart or like to forget. The latter is the reason for archiving or deleting: I am past that point and I have moved on, I’ve used it as a written waypoint at the time when I needed to stop, rethink and take action.

So ever since my last post, there has been personal turmoil on the side as well, pretty intense and undesirable but it’s the kind of stuff I do not wish to write about. It’s the kind of stuff that has been solved over time by giving it time to be solved if that makes sense. It might be best to let quiet take over and listen to what you’re being told by the Universe, I mean truly listen. And although my heart is still hurt at times, I’ve solved issues by being compassionate and learn to trust again which is the hardest part. Yes there has been damage but nothing that the strong-minded goat can’t cope with.

I’ve promised myself to focus ahead since I want to move away from deceitful scum and start with a clean slate. Ignoring the pathetic and childish stalker actions of the psychopathic cretin is one for instance. So here I am, slowly starting to write again and putting the past where it belongs: in the past. I feel like spring cleaning. Getting rid of the stuffy cretin -and other particles for that matter- that instantly make you cough or sneeze when lifted by sudden atmospheric velocity. It’s time to open the doors and let the light right in and sweep the dirt right out… :)

Redefined Quest

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Gee, there is so much going on in my life that I have no idea where to start and what to write. Lately I’ve been thinking about the purpose of this blog which has changed several times over the last years. It should’ve since it’s been almost ten years when I wrote the first post. I have been reluctant to write though because I feel that ever since I moved back this blog has lost its purpose. This is not true. What happened is that I have changed focus over time and I’m in the midst of a self-improvement process forcing me to have a good look at all angles of my life, not just one.

So what I’m saying is, that the quest is still there, it just changed. I have changed, I still am changing. And I guess that in order for me to keep this journal updated I should redefine its purpose and start from there. I’ve noticed that I feel like reading lots of the same neuro-linguistic programming stuff, mostly ebooks about self-help and self-improvement. I have been listening to ebooks/mp3’s as well and not just once but over and over again. Each and every aspect is covered several times and I keep coming to the same conclusions. Stuff that I’ve already written about in older posts.

It’s good though but I think I’ll have to start rearranging these thoughts and ideas to create order because it seems utterly chaotic lately. Perhaps it will help clear my mind as well. Don’t get me wrong this is not about relaxation, this is about creating clarity for me so I can get rid of the clutter in my head thus avoid over-thinking of things. Thinking too much or worrying is a way of procrastinating and so I figured that if I’d use this journal to keep track of goals -thus give it a new purpose- I could benefit in more than one way. I would have a solid reason to keep writing updates.

I would be motivated to write plus it would be a great way to keep track of any progress, to analyse myself and learn from behaviour and/or mistakes. So what is keeping me? Well mostly the things I wrote about in my previous email. I am seriously taking into consideration the fact that what happened to my business blog/website could easily happen with this website as well. I’m still dealing with these dark subjects after almost two months, it’s under control but it doesn’t take away a serious problem. One I luckily managed to avoid so far on here but that is lurking around the corner.

Plus if I was to change the subject I would also like to move this website to the main url instead of hiding it in a subdirectory and keeping it visible only to a few people. I could move it to the root of my domain and install WordPress instead of the current CMS that I’m using which is an accident waiting to happen. So why am I reluctant to do so? First of all it is going to be a lot -and I mean A lot!- of work to set up a completely new website. It means I would have to redesign the look and feel and time is the only thing that I don’t have right now because I need to focus on more important stuff…

The positive side would be the fact that I could easily protect certain posts from being read, or keep the whole website protected from lurkers if I wanted to. That is a major plus! To be honest, I think I’m having a hard time letting go of this so familiar CMS that I have been using for such a long long time. Perhaps it’s time to move away and move on, perhaps I’m not ready to see or face this. What is best for me? To move on… It seems to be the topic of everything that is currently going on in my life, the need for change, the need for progress and the need for knowledge and improvement.

I am working on a lot of things at the moment and I know I would make it a lot easier for myself if I had a checklist (read posts) so I could keep an eye on progress and lessons that I’ve learned so far. It would still be a place to vent at times but also a place where I could keep track of how I reinvent myself, letting go of the past and things that I no longer need and focus on the ‘now’ instead of a future or a past. This is why I had to write this post today, it felt like the right time. Now all I’d like to do is make a decision whether to keep this CMS or move on to another option along with the consequences.

I’m in recess to think this over and make a decision…

(perhaps when you check back you will noticed a/the change ;) )

Note to oneself: if you focus on one thing at a time you get it done much easier and faster than you’d imagine. I have been postponing writing a post for a long time and I wrote this in less than 15 minutes because I was determined to get it done. Lesson learnt: don’t waste time making things look more difficult than they really are. You can easily do it when you set your mind to it! :)