Tag Archives: Lesson

Did She Lose Her Marbles?

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This morning I woke up at 07.00 to the sound of a beautiful amazing wild parakeet (images on older post), the green kind. There’s a lot of them living in the trees across the road and I suspect they’ve got some nests there as well. The moment I heard the sound I was instantly eager to see if what I heard was real. Was I still dreaming? It sounded so close to me! So I peeked out of the window and there it was… only 1.5 metres away looking at me. Yes of course I tried to take a picture but it saw my lens move and it flew off. *shoot… hehe*

I’ve been in a rather strange mood lately and I guess that’s because I’m dealing with the past and trying to get rid of ‘cows’ by either butchering them or hit them with a car, drive over them and once more in reverse… *what the hell is she talking about? Did she lose her marbles?* Let me explain… There’s this book by Dr. Camilo Cruz which was recommended to me by my coach. Translated from Spanish into English (and Dutch) and called: ‘Once Upon a Cow: Eliminating Excuses and Settling for Nothing but Success’ ***) see note below

So my coach has been teaching me stuff from this book and at the same time I’m reading another which was a gift from my friend MD. He bought it for me because it helped him a lot at the time. It’s Dutch but it kinda boils down to the same issues that are discussed in the book that I mentioned earlier. About how to create your own possibilities, opportunities, how to focus, how to avoid the use of certain words, how to approach things in a different way and how to take action and get rid of obstacles that you’ll find on your path.

I have this strange mood lately since I started to see certain connections and results of how a person in my past treated me. It’s freaky having to face this engraved hurt again, a different and unexpected kind though this time. I’ve moved on, I have… but the scars are still there *so it seems*. It’s probably gonna take a bit of work to change a mindset like my current one into something I can work with. It’s OK. Just the fact that I realise this needs change and that I am actually working on it, is something I’m proud of!

But yes… there are cows with an attitude. When I have a good day, I shoot them with magic dust so they’ll grow wings and fly away just like that. But when I have a bad day, they just sit there in the middle of the road, staring at me with those big eyes, showing me ‘the dumb expression’. I can hear them talk and I can hear them ask questions and challenge me. They have no intention of going anywhere, they have fun blocking the road so I can’t get passed it. Or they at least want me to believe that I can’t… *Wrong! Coz I can! You watch…*

So what else have I been up to?

I studied… Drupal… and it’s a piece of cake. I even think it doesn’t have all the flexibility that I’m used to with other CMSes. I’ve two more weeks to finish and prepare for an interview. Then there is a party that I might attend in September ±3500 people. There’s someone I’ll see again in two weeks so I’ll be having fun showing him around Amsterdam. And hopefully I’ll meet up with my best friend from Scotland this Wednesday. I could do with some good old belly laughs that we always seem to cause with our twisted sense of humour.

Furthermore I’ve become a third time aunt of a cute little niece last week and will be visiting the newborn next weekend. I’ve spent way too much time on FB which I’ve cut down dramatically *that’s what you get for nice distractions* because I should focus on the study. But since I got up at 07.00 this morning I thought I could finally write a post again as a treat. I need to spend more time on relaxation which reminds me that I should start working on my painting as well, it’s been way too long! For now: back to study… Adios amigos!

***) In Spanish it’s called La Vaca: Una historia sobre cómo deshacernos del conformismo y la mediocridad.

© Zesty Gal – Dumb stare… but oh so clever! (Skye, 2005)

Reflection

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Last Monday I was on the phone for two hours with my aunt in the Lowlands, she is my friend, my ‘mother’, my mirror. We always seem to have deep conversations about life and lessons to learn. That day I tried to explain to her what was going on here in London and while I was telling her about goals, dreams and realities she suddenly made me realise how much I’ve achieved over the last year. How I was thrown in at the deep end, how I nearly drowned struggling and how I slowly start to get back on my feet… I had to let go of a million things: personal things, most of my possessions and friendships, only to make room for new ones.

People tend to forget about you when you’ve left the country. Emails come in sparsely over time or even the odd reply seems to take much longer than usual. At first, friends, were a major reason for me to move back to the Lowlands if I feel I had no other option left. These days I realise it has become less important. It seems to be shifting: I couldn’t do without the friendships I have in London nor the ones online. I still value some in the Lowlands but I realise most don’t have a clue of what is going on here and it seems the interest isn’t there either. It’s life, people have their own path to follow and they’re slowly untying the relationship.

I understand because I’m in my own process of untying/tying and although I have accomplished a lot it’s odd how I still need others to remind me that I have. My aunt is a reminder and so are some of my [blog] friends. I’ve learned about different realities over the past year, my own and those of others but I’ve learned to respect one in particular. His taught me patience and gave me freedom to roam my creative realms, his made me grow and fed my hunger for knowledge. His showed me what contemplation looks like in all it’s different shades of beautiful blue. His taught me how to ignore poisonous words of others.

His gave me comfort, support and the most beautiful gift, a new reality… I have been quiet for days because I couldn’t find words to describe this feeling, I’m not even sure if I want to. Sometimes things are beyond words and don’t need to be written down to become real, I know what’s real and what isn’t. Sometimes reality stares you in the face and you suddenly become aware of it’s wonderful colours. It doesn’t blind you that particular moment because you choose and wish to see the beauty in it’s perfect reflection. It’s when you find yourself speechless, in stunned silence and almost in tears but with a huge smile on your face.

So it’s best to just be quiet and contemplate and since I love the wonderful smell of fresh baked bread in the house, I decided to bake a nice garlic and rosemary focaccia for lunch today with a plum tomato and feta omelette. Cooking is a way to relax to me and find my balance. I’m practising to get the perfect result so I can give in return one day what others gave me earlier this week, I think I came pretty close to ‘perfect’ ;)

I wish I could include aroma with a picture ;)

Garlic & rosemary focaccia with a plum tomato and feta omelette