Tag Archives: Dream

The Fox Foxing (again)…

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I ran into some info today that made me grin in a way… I know I shouldn’t but it did. Let me go back to the days of ignorance and bliss in a few… I wish I could trust my gut more often, I used to though but these days I tend to neglect it when I need it most. Back in the days -it seems ages ago- I was seeing someone whilst at the same time my gut kept warning me in a variety of different ways. I remember the dream I had repeatedly during that period of my life, it’s so vivid still that it feels like it has transformed into an actual thing. And I guess in a way it has.

In the dream there was nothing but a traffic light that jumped from green to red, lasting only about 20 seconds. The traffic light would disappear again and another dream would continue. Each time when a regular dream was entered by the person I was seeing, it stopped and immediately the traffic light would appear for a few seconds and disappear again the moment it had turned red. At the time I thought it was odd and I wondered often why this was happening. One evening I decided to ask the person I was seeing if he could explain to me what it could mean or meant to him.

He said he didn’t know and I asked if I was being warned for something he was doing without me knowing of it but he said he couldn’t think of anything. About five months later I found out the truth and realised why I’d been having these dreams and what my subconscious was trying to tell me. By then he had moved in and I decided to confront him with the lies and deceit. I’d issued an ultimatum by promising myself I would give it another chance, wait a couple of months and let it rest. When those months were over I checked again only to find out about broken promises.

That evening I kicked him out and I have not looked back. Ever since that day there have been others and because there was a trail of issues in his past I assumed it would not be long before history would repeat itself. I found out I’ve been right all along which was what made me grin. I feel sorry for those involved but since one’s dealing with a sly fox it was to be expected and the grin was merely an expression of what I was thinking: good riddance!

Dissection of Nightmares

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Sunday night Monday morning (18th-19th of May)

Bad dreams seem to be taking over my nights lately and keeping me from a decent sleep. I don’t know what to think of them to be honest because they’re not the friendly kind if you know what I mean. I’ve waited a day to write this one down, I was still upset about it yesterday and had this odd feeling bothering me all day. I could not talk about it, so I kept quiet -literally quiet- while I tried to dissect this nightmare.

I can’t remember all of the dream but it felt good and peaceful, until I got to the last bit where all of a sudden I was on top of several roofs of this cluster of buildings. All flat zinc roofs, like the ones we have here in NL in the large cities. About 12 metres away from me I saw my brother, his wife and my 8 year old niece looking through a window waving at me. They seemed to be watching me, like I was about to do something.

I was in the back at one of the flat roof tops looking at them and looking down, realising it was extremely high up there and no railing to keep you from falling. I noticed there was a Dutch cargo bike near the window and my niece was about to forcefully push it away into my direction. I had to keep an eye on where it would go since the roofs where sloping down on my end and gaining speed it could push me right over.

The cargo bike started to move into my direction and as it was speeding up, halfway down, it hit a big bolt that was sticking out of a roof. The bike split into two halves, right in the middle across the longer side and both halves toppled over. I watched like it happened in slow motion. A second later I looked to my right and found to my horror that with my right hand I was holding my niece by her wrist, dangling over the edge.

My right arm is my weak spot, due to RSI I have no strength in that arm and I definitely can’t hold an eight year old child sideways. I felt her wrist become slippery from my damp hand and I could feel how I slowly started to lose grip on her. She looked at me with a growing panic in her eyes like she was screaming at me not to let go. Begging me to save her life… I will never ever forget that despaired look on her face.

I turned my head away from her to see where my brother was and if he could be there in time to help me. I only had seconds left. He stood in front of me and the moment I looked him in the eyes, he had pulled her back on the roof. Not a word was said, not a sound was heard while this was going on. Like all noise had quiet down and everything was holding its breath. Seconds seemed to last forever and then again they weren’t.

My brother’s wife gave me a blank look whilst my niece ran towards her arms, looking for consolation of the distress she’d just been through. I was unable to speak and still in shock. That very moment I woke up, gasping for air and crying my eyes out until I fell asleep again. The horrible feeling remained and I woke up that morning with a serious emotional hangover.

I’m still contemplating what this nightmare means. I think I understand what it is trying to tell me but I need to think some more before I will write it down. Bear with me…