Tag Archives: Dishonesty

Past Ghost

Posted on by

I used to have a friend, a close friend, my best friend. We used to drive to the Belgian Ardennes to spend a week there in a log cabin or an abandoned hotel over wintertime to have a typical Belgian culinary week and some kayaking, to be away from Amsterdam city life for a few. We lived three minutes apart, we would crash at each other’s place, we used to perform in bands together and go to the usual hangouts for the jam sessions.

We were best friends for twelve years until my father ended up in hospital seven years ago. I was depending on people to drive me there because of the emotional turmoil: a 40 minutes trip by car but a 1.5 hour trip by train and bus. So I’d asked her help but she refused. She got pissed off with me over something unknown and made it clear that what she decided for me would be best for me. She’d more important things to deal with than taking me to the hospital.

A week later my father past away after being hospitalised for cancer for three months. My mum sent this best friend a ‘thank you’ card after the funeral because I asked her to. Two months later I sent her an email request to talk things out but got one line back saying: ‘not interested’. I wrote her it was okay and wished her well. Till this day, I’ve no idea what pissed her off at the time, I do know it wasn’t the first time she got all worked up about nothing.

Ever since I live in the UK she has been digging for info on me. She has checked my business website, googled me and asked a mutual friend to add her to her contacts list on this social networking website probably because she can then see non-hidden parts of my profile and what messages I’ve left for others, pictures etc. This issue has been on my mind again and I’ve been speculating about her reasons and what she’s trying to accomplish.

I’m curious to see what her next move will be and if she ‘dares’ to come even closer… Did I forgive her? Yes: I meant those ‘thank you’ words on that card and I wished her well. Would I listen to what she has to say? Yes, because telling her: ‘not interested’ would be too easy and I don’t do easy. Do I want her back in my life? Probably not… So for now, I’ll just let her have that glimpse of my life through that social website, I don’t really care.

Smooth rides are boring and I’ve run out of free ones, says the Capricorn in me… ;)

…

Cognitive Behaviour

Posted on by

I haven’t been around much, I’ve had an extremely stressful day this week, two actually. One caused by a client the other one caused by a printer that I trusted with business for this same client. I wonder at times what happened to common courtesy in this world. Why are some so afraid to admit to mistakes and feel the need to blame it on others? What’s keeping these people from being genuine and show some respect?

I honestly don’t understand and it has been bugging me ever since I had to deal with it that particular day. It’s been so bad that I woke up because of a freaky dream I had caused by the client from hell. I refuse to become a scapegoat for the lack of communication and problems they have within their own structure. But the nightmare told me that I didn’t say what I wanted to say because of different reasons.

The first is that I was caught off guard; since I had done nothing wrong I wasn’t expecting to become the focus of anger and frustration of others. The raging person on the other end of the land line refused to listen to me when I tried to point out that they were the ones responsible for stagnation. I can’t force them to deliver what is needed and I refuse to constantly chase them up. I’m doing them a favour, I shouldn’t have to.

The second reason all had to do with the fact that I wasn’t ready to defend myself and certainly not in a foreign language. I don’t play games and expect the same from others, my mistake coz that seems to be quite rare these days and more or less common practice. I refuse to degrade myself to their level so I kept quiet but when the right moment came, I did have a tone and made things clear but I wish I’d said a lot more.

Why? Because it showed up in the nightmare that I had that night. I wanted to understand the meaning of it so I googled and found three other people who had exactly the same dream or something similar. I was really surprised to see that someone else had dreamt exactly the same details which made me wonder if the ‘language’ of dreams is something that is set in our genes and our brain wave activity.

I would be the perfect case study to Jung and Freud, don’t you think? … ;)

© J. Waterhouse Circean poison

ps in case you wondered, I’ve removed the EW. link even though I’m at the top of blogs listed, because I no longer feel related to any of their ideas, policies etc. It became just another commercial website that is only willing to show the fake superficial glamour of a trailing spouse. Shame really…