Tag Archives: Cycle

Stranger To Myself

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This is written during a brief hiatus from blogging, when I had no internet connection for three weeks

I’m back to where I originally started and it feels strange, it’s like I’m having another culture shock again. I have to explore ways that are not familiar with me because I’ve been away for a while. Last Tuesday I went downtown to register at the city hall. I’d forgotten what it looked like and I was amazed by the marble floors and pillars, the canals and terraces surrounding this beautiful old building.

I was warned about having to wait for some time but I feel they didn’t keep me waiting that long at all. I guess ‘long’ means ‘hours’ to me but this only took 20 minutes. The woman opposite of me was very friendly and she answered all my questions, even the odd ones. I had to take the bus there but it was a nice trip, a trip down memory lane. So much has changed ever since I moved, so many new buildings and shops.

This place used to be my home once but I realise it isn’t anymore. I’m reliving memory after memory which is funny in a way but scary at the same time. I recognise parts, for some odd reason they’re mostly statues which I used to climb and parks where I used to play. I saw the fences I used to sit on and hang from that have been there ever since I was a child. And next to it the building where we had gymnastics.

I cycled yesterday, after a long period of having the bicycle in storage I could finally cycle again. The weather was amazing and I cycled passed all the things that brought back these childhood memories.

Cycle Of Changes

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There will be a lot of change over the next two months and that’s why I have been quiet: I feel the need to think. I’ve been at a crossroad and this time I’ve chosen to turn right instead of full speed ahead. I have had many thoughts spread out on the floor in front of me and they all needed their place in their own tiny drawer, carefully put away after contemplation.

I’ve made a decision some time ago and I’ve come to terms with it realising that change is something that should be embraced and celebrated no matter how scary. As the perfectionist Goat I tend to label and reflect certain things as disappointments or even failure but while I was going through each and every thought in a drawer, I realised there is no such thing.

I’ve tried and I’ve succeeded in many ways, the outcome was not what I expected it to be so yes disappointment is inevitable but I should focus on what I’ve accomplished not on pointless expectations. I’ve accomplished a lot and others had to and have reminded me of that many many times when I was too stubborn and not ready to admit or see.

I’m putting things behind me and I’m moving on, the thoughts are in their drawers, secure and locked away, neatly organised as they should be. And while I was in the middle of this process, another one started months ago already. I’ve been drawing and making notes in my Moleskine, keeping an eye on the list of things-to-do, in order to reach the new exciting goal I set myself.

It’s something I will be working on for the next couple of years, a dream and reality soon. Part of it is already taking shape whilst designing for a client, important contacts have been made in the UK, another part is taking shape in my head and the main part will evolve over time. Those who know about my plans are extremely enthusiastic, guess my own enthusiasm rubs off…

Ever since I made up my mind, things seem to find me without having to make an effort. It’s almost cynical how I’ve tried for nearly three years to make something work; putting all my time into it and now that I’ve made a decision to make a fresh start again and focus on that, all struggles seem to disappear and are replaced by new opportunities and challenges.

It all feels extremely good though, scary yes… but good. So while I’m contemplating some thoughts still, I’m celebrating others and embracing the idea of change, a clean slate, a fresh start, back to the source. I’m in sync with the cycle of nature’s own dynamics of death and rebirth, winter and spring… I hope I can keep this going for a while, it’s so rewarding!

Drawers of my mind