Malleable Inflexibility

There’s been something going on over the last two, three weeks that has had a major effect on my mood. As a contractor I’m used to having to adapt to different systems, work environments, people, politics, flexable work spaces etc. Most of the time when I start on a new assignment it takes a couple of weeks to get to know people, the system, and everything else I have to work with. It takes time to adjust. So far I’ve been on an assignment by myself mostly, meaning that the contracting company (let’s call it company A) that I work for outsources me as a skilled individual to one of their clients (company B) for a certain period of time. Most of the time I’ll join a team of people but in other cases I have also worked just by myself.

I’ve been doing this for nearly six years now and never ran into problems as I was easily adjusting to new situations and people of company B. At times direct colleagues (from company A) would work for other departments of company B, but I wouldn’t have to work with them. Until about three years ago when I was asked to become part of a scrum team by company A which was placed at one of the ministries. It was the first time I was part of a team of direct colleagues, about 14 of them, divided into two teams. I was the only designer that was hired, so I had to design for both teams. This assignment lasted for a year and half before it all went pear-shaped because of the behaviour of certain team members.

I won’t go into details but let’s say my strong work ethic was way different from theirs and particularly from the scrum master. If there is any chance I would have to work with him again in the future I will refuse it, my manager knows my reasons and agrees with me. There was a clash in the end because apparently I was not allowed to vent my opinion about situations where this scrum master would abuse certain privileges given by the client, which he did almost daily. Because I had said something about it, I was no longer his ‘friend’, I was now his foe, thus he turned the teams of ‘young, malleable, first-time-job graduates’ against me. Who -of course- would follow him like sheep. Talking about professionalism ;)

I was happy to leave this toxic environment. Four months into another government assignment I’m running into something similar. I’m currently dealing with a naysayers scrum team (different client, different scrum team but people from my contracting company) showing similar traits. So far it’s manageable but the main issue is, that another direct colleague from company A has been hired at the current place as an engineer. The product owner that I worked for has left since a couple of weeks and has not been replaced yet. So this colleague is now also temporary product owner and ever since he is feeling his ‘power’ it’s gotten to his head in a negative way, displaying an extremely dominant ‘attitude.

He keeps trying to undermine my position within the department, while I don’t need to answer to him but to another co-worker. And recently he’s been trying to undermine her position as well, telling me that I don’t need her approval on my designs, that he can do that as well. Which is absolutely not true. What he doesn’t understand is that she has certain knowledge and responsibilites that are related to her job and the reason why she is hired. He is basically saying that he has the same professional skills as she does. It would be like me saying that I could easily replace him as an engineer, which I can not because I didn’t study engineering *duh*. He can’t seem to get it through his thick skull tho.

I have no clue what it is that is causing people to act like this. My attitude is and has always been one of trying to solve issues and make sure a client is contented with my designs and solutions. Trying to undermine my position in this as a co-worker is not going to make things easier as I’m not willing to just give up and bow down. I’m not the one causing the friction and you will definitely meet the Capricorn side of me. There’s more but I think it will be best to focus on how to deal with it without getting angry about it. I’m sure there will be a ‘to be continued’… hopefully in a more positive way. If not I might have to draw my conclusion and find another assignment. ‘Solo’ this time…

Carnivorous Traps

I’m getting sick and tired of people inviting me to join their online network, asking how I’m doing, what’s going on in my life and once they know, you never hear from them again. I was taught that communication goes both ways, so what is it about these people that they can’t be bothered to keep the lines open? I’m now at a point where I don’t care anymore.

I had sent a nice and friendly email back to this person: she invited me… an ex-colleague and in my opinion a friend but I guess it has quickly become an acquaintance overnight. It’s been days already since I sent the email so I’ll give it another week and then I’ll remove this person from my network again. I really don’t need people like that in my life.

Last week at the course the coach told me ‘you’re your own director of your life, you can shape it how you like’ and he’s right… I’ve learnt over the last couple of years that most people who I considered to be friends really were nothing but vague acquaintances. It’s a bitter pill at times when they don’t live up to my expectations of a friendship.

But this isn’t about expectations really, this is about my definition of a friendship… Since I used to be the one to put others first I’d gotten myself in a position where people would take advantage of that. The result of this is what I’m dealing with these days. Always ready to help others when they needed it but no one to be seen when I need them.

So it became very clear to me over the past two weeks that I should stop setting myself up for this carnivorous trap each time. I don’t need any confirmation of others, I don’t need to be helpful, kind, friendly in order for people to like me. I don’t need their confirmation nor approval to believe that I’m a good person because I am a good person!

And I definitely don’t feel the need to pretend to be friends on a networking site when they can’t even be bothered to reply to an email. *Ugh* Farewell to them. I’d rather give my energy to those who are part of my present! I wonder what’s wrong with these people: what happened to genuineness and why do they feel the need to be such fakes?

I’ve started to choose my friends wisely. My time is valuable so I decided to only invest it in those that are worthy of it and get rid of the ones who showed traits that I can’t agree with. No more fakes and no more traps…

© Zesty Gal – Pitcher plant, a trap for insects…

© Zesty Gal – Pitcher plant, a trap for insects…

© Zesty Gal – Pitcher plant, a trap for insects…