Tag Archives: Balance

New Approach

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I’ve repeatedly listened to parts of an audio book each night before falling asleep, it has been extremely interesting so far and I can’t seem to get it out of my mind since I’m thinking about its message all day long. I’m preparing today for an interview tomorrow morning at 09.00, who would’ve thought people would be ready for an interview first thing on Monday morning?

I thought they’d need to exchange weekend experiences first with their morning coffee? Not that I mind but 09.00 on a Monday morning seems strange to me. Anyway: this interview is part of the ‘new’ plan. The book is teaching me to have a different approach in life, to make things happen, to create your life the way you want it… I know… it all sounds too ‘new age’…

But it isn’t really, it’s based on logic, psychology and scientifically proven facts and the things that are said actually do make sense. So today I’m focusing on the new approach and in a few minutes after I’ve finished this post I will start to write down my plan… I have to admit it’s kinda exciting and scary in a way because you’ll have to face your ‘demons’ big time.

A lot became clear to me while listening to the book and I’m determined to try this new approach and make my quest work for me. It’s going to be an interesting journey from here and it will definitely show me some odd angles, it already has but they finally start to make sense and I can finally see why I made certain choices in the past or why I didn’t.

I no longer will be able to procrastinate or look for reasons why I believe I can’t do certain things, coz I can(!) it ‘just’ takes a new way of thinking… It already scares the hell out of me but that’s just another excuse to procrastinate *hehe*. Oh yes your mind is very good at tricking you right back into your easy comfort zone so you won’t have to face the issues…

Off now to prepare myself *wink*

Update Monday 15:18:56: the interview went really well but the funny bit was that both people opposite of me complained about the fact that they had to interview someone at 09.00 on a Monday morning and even mentioned the fact that that was a first to them *LOL* To me as well btw. I’m struggling with the plan, perhaps I’ll write more about this later… I need to answer certain questions that make me think… Deeper than usal and that is already pretty deep *wink*.

© Mabel Lucie Attwell

Observations

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It’s interesting what you’ll discover if you look at certain friendships from a distance, without getting involved. I’ve kept my distance to see if what I was feeling and suspecting would be confirmed. Patience and waiting to see what would happen next showed me some interesting angles and made me decide to stay invisible for a while.

When in a relationship, people -especially women- tend to lose their personal identity. I’ve seen it happen too many times at very close range. I haven’t mentioned anything because it’s not my place to do so and I definitely believe that the people in question need to figure it out themselves without any interference of others. They’re probably not ready anyway…

Loss of identity usually starts slowly. Compromise is necessary to a successful relationship, but being in a relationship shouldn’t change who you are, it should add to your personality but never take away from it.. So to stay independent, as in having a healthy balance of being needed and needing people, one should take time to do things apart from a partner.

This means compromise on both parts and not making any kind of sacrifice that would allow you to merge with the other, it means spend time with your friends and have your own life and space as an individual, it means that someone who truly loves you will encourage you to keep your personal identity and creativity and allow you to seek who you are.

I’ve decided to stay invisible and retreat, when the time is right I will be there but for now I’ve chosen to put myself first instead of others. I’ve stayed in touch but didn’t hear back in months. It’s okay because I’ve learnt by trial and error and I don’t need others to define me. Being an ‘ex-merger’ I definitely know now how to keep my own space and identity.

I’ve tried my best and focusing on my own life is more important to me at the moment than wondering about others. I’m lucky to have found someone who encourages me and who is giving me time to grow. Who is happy for me that I’m about to take the first step and who believes in me and tells me ‘that I can do it!…’ I wouldn’t want it any other way…