Tag Archives: Balance

Step One

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Finally… having patience is starting to pay off because I’ve received some wonderful news yesterday. I’ve been invited to meet up on Monday morning to be part of a group of people who will be given the opportunity to study and work at the same time. This in itself is nothing new because there are quite a few possibilities to accomplish the same.

In this case however, the government and a few other organisations expect a lack of psychiatric nursing staff in the next three years so they have invested money in a special project to train people. It means that the required study which would normally take four years will be taught in three years instead, starting with a three months crash course.

After the crash course you’ll be working four days a week and attend school on the fifth day for the next three years to get a bachelor degree. My goal is a master degree because I’d like to finish the psychology study that I started years ago. At the time -causing disagreements- I was forced to stop because of an unwilling/unsympathetic partner.

I’m really looking forward to start the study and try to get another degree. My personal situation and this recession have forced me to think about my future in a creative way. I’ve been lucky to have turned a hobby into a career at the time, but things have changed and I’ve come to the conclusion that I need a career that will provide for the next twenty years.

Don’t get me wrong, there will be side projects and I will never give up on the creative part of me. In fact I’m still working on the long-term business plan which involves design and that along with the webdesign business will be the creative outlet that I’ll be needing to keep things interesting in that area. I’ll need that outlet because it’s part of who I am.

Although I’m totally committed and enthusiastic to make this application work for the next three to seven years it will still be ‘a way to pay the bills‘ and live a comfortable life. I’ve to choose security over current instability, people are still getting laid off and no one knows what’s gonna happen next but it doesn’t mean I’ll be giving up on creativity, far from it!

There are more steps planned ahead but for now I’m taking one at a time because that one step will cause a chain reaction once I’ll be on a roll and I’m getting all excited thinking about what lies ahead. It seems I’m finally about to get that long deserved break *wink*

Realisation

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I was surprised to see how the ex was upset when I told him about the arrangements I’d made. I’m dividing stuff between us, I don’t really have to but I’m giving away things I don’t need and so I have to ask questions and see if he’s okay with the way I arranged it or if he wants me to change it. Just the fact that I had to ask these questions caused sadness and hurt on his face and when I asked him what was wrong he turned away and said: ‘nothing…’

I guess it only just now starts to dawn on him, the realisation that something is becoming so final while it had been final to him for a couple of years already or at least he thought it was. I’ve been through all of that the moment he told me about his decision at the time. I’m only doing what is necessary to get those parts of my life back that I’ve lost along the line, that I’ve given up on when I was told it wasn’t important enough to keep.

So my approach is a different kind, I try to keep things in balance without getting too emotional. It’s almost like the roles are swapped… perhaps he did learn something over the years or is no longer afraid to show true feelings. I don’t know… I know I was surprised to see emotions that I’ve not seen before. Some things are not easy for me either but I’m looking ahead and see what is waiting for me at the horizon: a clean slate, a new beginning.