Tag Archives: Affirmation

Did She Lose Her Marbles?

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This morning I woke up at 07.00 to the sound of a beautiful amazing wild parakeet (images on older post), the green kind. There’s a lot of them living in the trees across the road and I suspect they’ve got some nests there as well. The moment I heard the sound I was instantly eager to see if what I heard was real. Was I still dreaming? It sounded so close to me! So I peeked out of the window and there it was… only 1.5 metres away looking at me. Yes of course I tried to take a picture but it saw my lens move and it flew off. *shoot… hehe*

I’ve been in a rather strange mood lately and I guess that’s because I’m dealing with the past and trying to get rid of ‘cows’ by either butchering them or hit them with a car, drive over them and once more in reverse… *what the hell is she talking about? Did she lose her marbles?* Let me explain… There’s this book by Dr. Camilo Cruz which was recommended to me by my coach. Translated from Spanish into English (and Dutch) and called: ‘Once Upon a Cow: Eliminating Excuses and Settling for Nothing but Success’ ***) see note below

So my coach has been teaching me stuff from this book and at the same time I’m reading another which was a gift from my friend MD. He bought it for me because it helped him a lot at the time. It’s Dutch but it kinda boils down to the same issues that are discussed in the book that I mentioned earlier. About how to create your own possibilities, opportunities, how to focus, how to avoid the use of certain words, how to approach things in a different way and how to take action and get rid of obstacles that you’ll find on your path.

I have this strange mood lately since I started to see certain connections and results of how a person in my past treated me. It’s freaky having to face this engraved hurt again, a different and unexpected kind though this time. I’ve moved on, I have… but the scars are still there *so it seems*. It’s probably gonna take a bit of work to change a mindset like my current one into something I can work with. It’s OK. Just the fact that I realise this needs change and that I am actually working on it, is something I’m proud of!

But yes… there are cows with an attitude. When I have a good day, I shoot them with magic dust so they’ll grow wings and fly away just like that. But when I have a bad day, they just sit there in the middle of the road, staring at me with those big eyes, showing me ‘the dumb expression’. I can hear them talk and I can hear them ask questions and challenge me. They have no intention of going anywhere, they have fun blocking the road so I can’t get passed it. Or they at least want me to believe that I can’t… *Wrong! Coz I can! You watch…*

So what else have I been up to?

I studied… Drupal… and it’s a piece of cake. I even think it doesn’t have all the flexibility that I’m used to with other CMSes. I’ve two more weeks to finish and prepare for an interview. Then there is a party that I might attend in September ±3500 people. There’s someone I’ll see again in two weeks so I’ll be having fun showing him around Amsterdam. And hopefully I’ll meet up with my best friend from Scotland this Wednesday. I could do with some good old belly laughs that we always seem to cause with our twisted sense of humour.

Furthermore I’ve become a third time aunt of a cute little niece last week and will be visiting the newborn next weekend. I’ve spent way too much time on FB which I’ve cut down dramatically *that’s what you get for nice distractions* because I should focus on the study. But since I got up at 07.00 this morning I thought I could finally write a post again as a treat. I need to spend more time on relaxation which reminds me that I should start working on my painting as well, it’s been way too long! For now: back to study… Adios amigos!

***) In Spanish it’s called La Vaca: Una historia sobre cómo deshacernos del conformismo y la mediocridad.

© Zesty Gal – Dumb stare… but oh so clever! (Skye, 2005)

Friends… Take Thought

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Friends, are supposed to stick around through thick and thin… Friends, are supposed to be there for you when you hang your head because things are tough… Friends, are supposed to support you when you feel lost and you’re struggling to find the path again… Friends, are supposed to show they believe in you whenever you’ve forgotten how to believe in yourself… Friends, are those who keep their promises no matter what…

Friends are not those who don’t stay in touch with you because you no longer are the warm-hearted one who lives abroad. So the novelty has worn off along with the imaginary neon hotel sign that offered a free stay including food and drinks. They’re definitely not those who owe you a large sum of money ever since you moved abroad and who are now refusing any cooperation to pay back the debt knowing you’ve been waiting for four years whilst putting your trust in them to meet the obligations.

Friends are also not those who don’t have the word ‘courtesy’ in their vocabulary, who keep making promises but never keep their word or lack the decency to even say ‘thank you’ whenever you made the effort to do something extra. Nor are friends the ones who can’t be bothered to ask how you’re doing. Or who refuse to send/reply -on a regular basis- to your emails or those who don’t show that they actually care about you and what is going on in your life by simply being interested.

I quoted in a comment not too long ago, it was part of something I read online: When people who profess to be our friends don’t behave in these ways, we feel angry and betrayed. Perhaps they were never our friends at all. Perhaps they were only out to use us. But our faulty expectations may have caused us to perceive them as being more committed to true friendship than they really were. I’m sure that is true but it can’t be that I’ve been deceived by certain friends for over 10 years right? What did I miss?

A professional said to me: why would you call a person a friend if he or she refuses to pay the money they owe you? Why are you still being nice and trying to only look at things from their perspective and not your own? And that was just one example that I’d told him about but I knew he was right. He hit the nail on the head… I’m changing: a shift in attitude and taking action, I’m tired of so-called friends. There’s one loose end still and I’m gonna get a solicitor over time to fix that, I’ve already been to one.

Don’t get me wrong… There are still a few left who do care, it’s something that doesn’t need reassurance and I treasure these few and they know this because I have told them. They have been there through thick and thin in every possible shape: a beautiful handwritten letter, a personal gift with just the right words, a phone call and/or some emails. Some from abroad some from the Lowlands. Some from people I haven’t met in real life *just yet*.

But they’re in my heart and perhaps I should tell them again how much I appreciate them!

© (?) – Thank you for being a true friend!