Category Archives: Zesty Gal

Assertiveness

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I’ve just sent an email that has been sitting for months in my outbox waiting to be send. It actually felt good to finally press that send button after such a long time. A couple of months might not seem long but the issue mentioned in that email has been going on for four years already, ever since I left to live in London.

At the time me and the ex sold our fine VW to a friend of mine for 2200 euro: a bargain. We had to arrange certain things at the very last moment which caused a few problems with certain papers but it was solved when we’d arrived in the UK. Up to date -almost four years later- I still haven’t received a darn pence…

Since those involved were trying to sell their business the ex had agreed with them to postpone the payback until the business was sold so they could return the money in one go instead of tiny installments. The business was sold October last year so guess what… I’m still waiting for any financial results coming my way.

After hearing one excuse after another over the last six months I’m now officially fed up with the situation. I stood up for them; put my trust in them being the middlewoman whenever the ex lost his patience in the past, trying to make him see that he could trust them to pay. Seems that he might be right after all…

I’ve learnt to be more assertive during this course that I’m taking and whenever I mention the above situation to someone they keep asking me why I didn’t set my boundaries yet because someone who treats you like that ain’t a friend. I realised I have been making up excuses for this friend as well, trying to talk things right.

Perhaps I was trying to solve things in a polite manner, hoping to restrain the damage but when I think about all this I cannot deny that the damage is already done and certainly not by me. I’ve lost patience and I’m tired of hearing one excuse/promise after another while nothing concrete has been done so far as in payments.

I’m so through with this… I decided this morning to no longer postpone that email nor give her the benefit of the doubt so instead I sent it and made sure that she knows how I feel about the situation: disappointed in her and a 15 years friendship, betrayed, angry, out of patience, tired of making up excuses for her behaviour.

It actually felt quite good once that email was sent… I have some more to deal with soon. One person I’m giving another week’s time to respond since there has been a two weeks vacation. If I don’t hear anything by then, then it’s time to send out another email stating how I feel about things… Hurray for assertiveness!

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Carnivorous Traps

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I’m getting sick and tired of people inviting me to join their online network, asking how I’m doing, what’s going on in my life and once they know, you never hear from them again. I was taught that communication goes both ways, so what is it about these people that they can’t be bothered to keep the lines open? I’m now at a point where I don’t care anymore.

I had sent a nice and friendly email back to this person: she invited me… an ex-colleague and in my opinion a friend but I guess it has quickly become an acquaintance overnight. It’s been days already since I sent the email so I’ll give it another week and then I’ll remove this person from my network again. I really don’t need people like that in my life.

Last week at the course the coach told me ‘you’re your own director of your life, you can shape it how you like’ and he’s right… I’ve learnt over the last couple of years that most people who I considered to be friends really were nothing but vague acquaintances. It’s a bitter pill at times when they don’t live up to my expectations of a friendship.

But this isn’t about expectations really, this is about my definition of a friendship… Since I used to be the one to put others first I’d gotten myself in a position where people would take advantage of that. The result of this is what I’m dealing with these days. Always ready to help others when they needed it but no one to be seen when I need them.

So it became very clear to me over the past two weeks that I should stop setting myself up for this carnivorous trap each time. I don’t need any confirmation of others, I don’t need to be helpful, kind, friendly in order for people to like me. I don’t need their confirmation nor approval to believe that I’m a good person because I am a good person!

And I definitely don’t feel the need to pretend to be friends on a networking site when they can’t even be bothered to reply to an email. *Ugh* Farewell to them. I’d rather give my energy to those who are part of my present! I wonder what’s wrong with these people: what happened to genuineness and why do they feel the need to be such fakes?

I’ve started to choose my friends wisely. My time is valuable so I decided to only invest it in those that are worthy of it and get rid of the ones who showed traits that I can’t agree with. No more fakes and no more traps…

© Zesty Gal – Pitcher plant, a trap for insects…

© Zesty Gal – Pitcher plant, a trap for insects…

© Zesty Gal – Pitcher plant, a trap for insects…