I’m thinking a lot lately… All sorts of thoughts enter my brain. At times I wish I could shut it off because some are about stuff that I do not wish to think about. I feel peaceful today tho. I guess something fell of my shoulders when the hospital called about the biopsies. I guess I’m glad I could postpone surgery.

I’ve been reorganising my Moleskine notebook and finally stuck all the design stuff that I wanted to keep in there. I also had a look at job options because I found a cool one online yesterday. I should apply really, the downside is that it’s a 40 hour job. I’ve promised myself to look for 32 hour jobs only.

And I should keep that promise to myself, but then doubts are popping up out of nowhere. I guess cleaning out my stuff is a way to organise these brain effects, make it less warped. I put things where they belong, I throw out stuff I don’t need and detach myself from useless people and things. It’s liberating!

And doubts are just a way to confuse myself about decision I’ve made ages ago. It’s fear in disguise, a trick to stay safe and sound and not take risks. Sometimes the mind is nothing but a complex network of firing neurons, as simple as that. I should try to see it that way instead of making things unnecessarily complicated.

So in order to keep it simple, I do simple stuff. And meanwhile I draw complex blueprints in my head with goals to reach. I try to visualise where I want to be within the next five years. I’ll try and change the things that seem too dificult right now. It’s not that I can’t do it, it’s just that I feel paralysed in a way.

But since I’ve got a creative mind, which works overtime mostly, I’m certain that I will find solutions. I always have and I always will. It’s the core ‘me’… And I trust ‘me’ to help me when I need it. Warped mind, bend yourself in different ways so I can see where the blueprint will take me. You can, I know you can!