The Message

I don’t understand what is going on but I had the same kind of dream again Friday night, that I had the other day. Only this time, the duvet that was on top of me slowly started to wrap around me, tighter and tighter. After a while I managed to get my head out and I saw a man stabbing the duvet.

I woke up in tears, trying to catch my breath…

I think I know what is bothering me and something I read or heard a few years ago came to mind: not making a decision is a decision in itself. I believe I have stuff to do and decisions to make ;)

The dream explained: it’s about how wonderful it feels to not have to do anything. Feeling good about not having to change or take action (duvet). The choking represents emotional suffocation, feeling unable to express myself at all or make my own decisions. Being stabbed with a knife represents pain, consequences, or embarrassment you are experiencing for resisting something in your life that you disagree with.

The Call

I’ve received a call yesterday about an interview this week. Actually I received several phone calls about job offers. One all the way down south which will be a three hours commute back and forth, two days a week. The other three days I would be working in Amsterdam. Well, I told them those are my terms. They’ve actually asked for me, no idea why but it was kind of flattering. So I told them, show me a solid proposal and I will think about it. Funny thing is that in the meantime I received the other call.

It means that once a client puts an option on me they claim me for about five days, they will organise the interview and then they’ll have three days to decide if they’ll take me for the job or not. After those three days, another client has the right to put an option on me but in between they’re not allowed to take business away from eachother, hence this solution. It also means that if they decide after the interview that they won’t hire me I will automatically have my next interview down south.

Anyway. I wanted to accept one more assignment so I’ll time to sort out a parttime job. And this assignment is a really good one, it will add to my portfolio which is much better than all the consultancy stuff *boring!*. I will have to come up with good designs ;) The downside is that I’ll probably will have to postpone my summer vacation because it’s a half year contract. I won’t be going on vacation during their summer break. I don’t mind though, perhaps it’s even better that way…

It has been a weird month of March, very chaotic and unusual. I’m still considering everything I wrote about earlier, but I’ve put it on the side for now until I know for sure what is going to happen next, once I’ve had the interview…

(Update: the interview went extremely well, but it was planned on a Friday which -in my opinion- is a bad day to have an interview. Especially when you’re the first and they’ll be seeing others the week after. They will forget the impression you’ve left that day because of the weekend. I was called the week after the interview that I was a great second choice. It means that if at some point the same opportunity arises again they will contact and hire me.

That opportunity will arise because I know they’ll work on a major project that will need to be finished within the next two years. It’s not important though. What’s important is that I realised that morning -although being disappointed- that everything happens for a reason. Perhaps it was never meant to be after all. My dreams have been telling me the same lately. Perhaps I should face fear and cut some ties, finally…)