Monthly Archives: July 2010

Dear Pheromones… (Leave Me Alone!)

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I took the train to Amsterdam yesterday to meet up with my friend IvS from Scotland who was in the Lowlands for a short vacation. It was fun! She rented bikes so we could cycle all across town, which was great. It was nice to be in Amsterdam again but I can tell that the city has no longer this vibe to me as it used to have. It wasn’t as busy as it normally is, probably because half the Lowlands is currently abroad but I don’t really feel the need to live there anymore… which feels odd in a way.

I bought three gorgeous dresses -wearing one this very moment while writing this post- two from Waterlooplein, both silk and Asian *of course* and the other I got from a shop called Streetclothes at the Albert Cuyp market. It’s a dress by DEPT and yes it was way over budget but amazingly beautiful and just my kind of style, something that will last for the next 8 years and still remain a pleasure to the eye, timeless… I was actually looking for new Doc Martens to replace the old ones.

But I was utterly disappointed in the quality of the brand, the leather is half the thickness of what it used to be, the soles were replaced with a less solid kind of rubber. Rubber that could easily tear or cut. I read somewhere that the actual factory in England took their business abroad and these shoes are now manufactured in India or Thailand. It shows… Coz the quality that I was used to (I’ve had these boots for 10 years!) has disappeared just like that. I fear they will lose lots of customers because of this!

So… since I decided not to spend the 149 Euros *YES! it was fine when the quality was right* on something that had lost its quality over time, I thought it was okay to spend half of it on the gorgeous dress… Anyway, on our way back from the market I ran into an ex of mine, I hadn’t seen him in a long time. Only once over the last ten years and I avoided him that day because he was with a woman and had a child with him. I didn’t want to disturb them so l just pretended not to have seen them and kept walking.

We had a fun chat, he told me he’d been married, divorced again and he has an eight year old son. It means he got married two years after I broke up with him and had his son the year after. Wow… hearing this from someone who didn’t want the commitment at the time is odd. He asked me lots of question and ‘joked’ that he wouldn’t mind hooking up with me again. I think meeting up one day to have a coffee with him and a nice chat is fine with me, so I gave him my business card which he asked for.

It was great to see him but that’s it *wink*. I don’t know what is going on at the moment but there’s been others as well. I’m being stalked by some idiot on FB, I keep ignoring his emails and friend request, what a moron. There’s another who tried a few weeks ago but I ignored him as well. Perhaps it’s because I’m enjoying myself lots lately, I feel more confident and better about myself, I get positive attention and feedback and I feel better about life in general. I guess it rubs off on others.

Men particularly…

Did She Lose Her Marbles?

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This morning I woke up at 07.00 to the sound of a beautiful amazing wild parakeet (images on older post), the green kind. There’s a lot of them living in the trees across the road and I suspect they’ve got some nests there as well. The moment I heard the sound I was instantly eager to see if what I heard was real. Was I still dreaming? It sounded so close to me! So I peeked out of the window and there it was… only 1.5 metres away looking at me. Yes of course I tried to take a picture but it saw my lens move and it flew off. *shoot… hehe*

I’ve been in a rather strange mood lately and I guess that’s because I’m dealing with the past and trying to get rid of ‘cows’ by either butchering them or hit them with a car, drive over them and once more in reverse… *what the hell is she talking about? Did she lose her marbles?* Let me explain… There’s this book by Dr. Camilo Cruz which was recommended to me by my coach. Translated from Spanish into English (and Dutch) and called: ‘Once Upon a Cow: Eliminating Excuses and Settling for Nothing but Success’ ***) see note below

So my coach has been teaching me stuff from this book and at the same time I’m reading another which was a gift from my friend MD. He bought it for me because it helped him a lot at the time. It’s Dutch but it kinda boils down to the same issues that are discussed in the book that I mentioned earlier. About how to create your own possibilities, opportunities, how to focus, how to avoid the use of certain words, how to approach things in a different way and how to take action and get rid of obstacles that you’ll find on your path.

I have this strange mood lately since I started to see certain connections and results of how a person in my past treated me. It’s freaky having to face this engraved hurt again, a different and unexpected kind though this time. I’ve moved on, I have… but the scars are still there *so it seems*. It’s probably gonna take a bit of work to change a mindset like my current one into something I can work with. It’s OK. Just the fact that I realise this needs change and that I am actually working on it, is something I’m proud of!

But yes… there are cows with an attitude. When I have a good day, I shoot them with magic dust so they’ll grow wings and fly away just like that. But when I have a bad day, they just sit there in the middle of the road, staring at me with those big eyes, showing me ‘the dumb expression’. I can hear them talk and I can hear them ask questions and challenge me. They have no intention of going anywhere, they have fun blocking the road so I can’t get passed it. Or they at least want me to believe that I can’t… *Wrong! Coz I can! You watch…*

So what else have I been up to?

I studied… Drupal… and it’s a piece of cake. I even think it doesn’t have all the flexibility that I’m used to with other CMSes. I’ve two more weeks to finish and prepare for an interview. Then there is a party that I might attend in September ±3500 people. There’s someone I’ll see again in two weeks so I’ll be having fun showing him around Amsterdam. And hopefully I’ll meet up with my best friend from Scotland this Wednesday. I could do with some good old belly laughs that we always seem to cause with our twisted sense of humour.

Furthermore I’ve become a third time aunt of a cute little niece last week and will be visiting the newborn next weekend. I’ve spent way too much time on FB which I’ve cut down dramatically *that’s what you get for nice distractions* because I should focus on the study. But since I got up at 07.00 this morning I thought I could finally write a post again as a treat. I need to spend more time on relaxation which reminds me that I should start working on my painting as well, it’s been way too long! For now: back to study… Adios amigos!

***) In Spanish it’s called La Vaca: Una historia sobre cómo deshacernos del conformismo y la mediocridad.

© Zesty Gal – Dumb stare… but oh so clever! (Skye, 2005)