I’m in deep thinker’s mode again lately trying to figure out what I want and where I want my life to be. To be honest: I have no idea, I’ve felt totally lost for some time already. I was thinking and trying to trace back when I started to have this feeling of uncertainty. I realised it was years ago when I was told that by law I no longer could do the work that I love so much and that I was forced to have a career change due to the results of an accident I had in combination with the perfectionist attitude which caused RSI.
This is the moment things went into too many different directions, I lost focus and I lost part of what was the creative me. I lost it because of the system in the Lowlands because of what politicians decide in The Hague. I was ‘officially approved disabled’ and if I would continue to do my work I would suffer the consequences: no compensation money. So I had to change career and became a System Operator and started an evening job teaching, passing on my knowledge to others, which I enjoyed very much.
The evening job turned into a day job and I moved away from being a Sysop because of this manager feeling threatened by the fact that a woman with a brain and looks too, knew more about technical stuff than he did. In order to satisfy his insecure machismo he felt the urge to pester me until I made a tiny mistake which -as we say in Dutch- led me to the guillotine even though I corrected it straight away he’d found something to complain about to the director who took his side so I quit the job: I have pride and dignity.
Teaching and giving support to people was a great way to stay linked to my former line of work and stay updated. I really enjoyed this work but it didn’t pay the bills and I didn’t get a well earned raise in all the five years nor extra hours and I felt extremely unappreciated and not valued by the board of directors. The reason why I stayed was because of the people I worked with, they made the job so much fun. Wonderful colleagues are priceless and some of them and some of the students are still part of my circle of friends.
Back to where I started.
I realised I never really completely let go of the work-that-I-wasn’t-suppose-to-do and because of that I became ‘unfocused’. I wanted to do what I loved most but on the side… So my CV changed and because of its diversity I’m now in a catch 22. Society needs to think in structures and grids, I no longer fit any of these structures and that’s what I have to face and deal with. I absolutely love design work but when I apply for jobs, they reject me because of the diversity of my CV and their narrow-mindedness and prejudiced views.
So I either need to focus one hundred percent on the freelance jobs or I need to start a ‘new career’ from scratch and if so… in what? I still have a Moleskine with a plan, perhaps it’s time to pick it up again, jot down more notes and make more sketches? I think I should let go of the grids from the past and start a new one and find some silly job just to pay the bills in the meantime until my Moleskine is full and I’m ready to visualise the new grid. Or until I’ll be getting more freelance work in…
Anyone needs a professional website or anyone you know? I’m really good at what I do!
Wow…Red and I have been discussing the same issue very recently! He was rejected in an interview because his CV was too ‘diverse’ as he has worked in different countries having to start from scratch and succeeding something which the company failed to see.
They just saw that his CV didn’t show 10 years experience in the same area in a row and turned him down. Now he works for a more visionary company where his language skills and work experience abroad were the bait in the interview.
Unfortunately it looks like Dutch society is very much like Maltese in the sense that it is very rigid and career changes are not seen as in the States for instance.
Here it looks like by the age of 23 you should know exactly in which area you want to work for the rest of your life and never change it or else you will be punished, or everyone will look at you with that blank stare of disbelief and the usual: what are you doing with your life?
I told a colleague of mine when we were talking about it: bollocks! At 23 you are still a kid and why wouldn’t you change your career if that’s your fancy! Plus the life expectancy has increased and people are retiring when they are older.
Anyway, in my opinion the main issue is money. It’s usually the bucks to pay the bills which force people to take just any decent job that comes around (like me)and then that can give you a new perspective on things and who knows? maybe surprises too! Maybe you discover that you like your new career and if not, well, there is then the time to be focused and fight for what you really want whilst at the same time paying the bills.
Just some ideas and/or reflections that hopefully are useful.
Hope you are enjoying your Sunday,
Hi Wen,
I fail to understand why people can’t see that a diverse CV shows that someone has many interests and many skills and is willing to learn and have different experiences. I don’t understand why everything in today’s society needs to be conform certain standards, rules, grids, structures or else you’re considered ‘odd’. To me that’s so narrow-minded…
I’m sorry to hear Red ran into the same problems! Yes you’re right, I never realised Dutch society was so rigid but to be honest I think it also has changed a lot over time. The bad thing is that I feel forced to play by the rules even if I really don’t want to. I’ve been looking online today because I’m now thinking about doing another study.
I had the same idea as you mentioned: to look for any job right now and focus on a study to get where I would like to be… where ever that is
(I have an idea but I need to do more research). Thanks for your insight Wen, I really appreciate it! I was out today walking at the park, it was windy but nice, I had to clear my head 
Hope you had a lovely Sunday as well!