Rooted

At times I can be utterly surprised about nature’s wonders and how it seems to have a will of its own. A few weeks ago I bought some lucky bamboo and when I took them out of their plastic flower tubes I had to cut the plastic caps so I wouldn’t damage the fragile roots. I bought them at my favourite love-hate store which is a risk basically, since they don’t seem to care about any living organism in general and particularly those that use photosynthesis.

So of course when I took them out of their tubes it started to reek of hydrogen sulphide because the water had not been changed in days [wouldn’t surprise me if that would be weeks actually]. Some of the roots didn’t look well, as in rotten or disintegrated, and I was wondering if the bamboo would even survive this traumatic experience of extreme neglect. I wasn’t willing to give up, so I planted them as I intended to do: in a glass vase filled with small stones.

I was extremely careful handling the roots but I could see most damage was already done and I just had to be patient to see what would happen over the next few days. I filled the vase with a small amount of water, just enough to keep the stems covered in about 5cm. To my surprise I noticed the stems started to grow new roots. It’s amazing to see how they slowly seem to find their way through the gaps between the stones, extending each day and carefully growing in any possible direction.

Over the last couple of days the water level started to come down and one tiny new root basically ended up above water level, so I kept an eye on it, curious to see what would happen. It could start to dry out so I would have to top up the water to keep it alive. To my surprise the root had a growth spurt all of a sudden and while the water level was going down the root was growing almost twice as fast to keep its tip in contact with the surface of the water.

I wish I hadn’t watched it because now I’m stuck with these questions in my head, I already seem to have a reputation for coming up with odd and weird questions. But it’s stuff I wonder about like: how does it ‘know’ where to find water? Why is the root growing; in search of what?

Nature’s wonders…

Snippet:

According to Feng Shui masters, having Lucky Bamboo in the home or office will help to ensure good fortune. In Asia, bamboo is a symbol of health and wellbeing, while in India it is a symbol of friendship.

In several Asian cultures, it is believed that humanity emerged from a bamboo stem. In the Philippine creation myth, legend tells that the first man and the first woman were split open from a bamboo stem that emerged on an island created after the battle of the elemental forces. In Malaysian legends a similar story includes a man who dreams of a beautiful woman while sleeping under a bamboo plant; he wakes up and breaks the bamboo stem, discovering the woman inside. In Japan, a bamboo forest sometimes surrounds a Shinto shrine as part of a sacred barrier against evils.

In Chinese culture, the bamboo, along with the plum blossom, orchids, and chrysanthemums are all held in high esteem and are collectively referred as “the four of great nobility”, with one representing each of the seasons.

Source: Flower Encyclopedia

Believe In Me

‘I want to know if you can live with failure, yours and mine, and still stand on the edge of a lake and shout to the silver of the full moon, “Yes!”. I want to know if you can see Beauty even when it is not pretty every day, and if you can source your own life from its presence. I want to know if you can sit in pain, mine or your own, without moving to hide it or fade it or fix it.’

~The Invitation, Oriah

Why is it that some seem to think or know what is best for me? Why can’t I get through to some that after being told for four years what to wear, how to behave, what to say and how to live my life, that by now it’s engraved in each and every braincell or neurone and I’m so freakin fed up with being told what to do. Why can’t I get through to some that I’m trying the best I possibly can and why do they need to be convinced of that, instead of trusting me to do what’s in my power? Why again do I have to answer to some because no matter what I do it never seems good enough.

I do not need advice. I never asked for advice and if I would be needing it I definitely would start the sentence with: ‘could I ask you something…’ or ‘mind giving me your opinion’. At times I just need to vent and let go of something that is bothering me. Why can’t I get a chance to do so without some thinking that I expect them to ‘solve’ my problems. I don’t need fixing, I’m perfectly capable of cleaning up my own mess, thank you. I’m busy cleaning up the mess, but some stains are burnt on and have had four extremely long years to leave a very thick intense black mark.

Those particular stains need a bit more time to be removed but if I’m not careful they could leave a lot of damage, not mentioning the damage that’s already been done. So I’m trying it the patient and slow way; layer by layer. Every day a tiny bit until one day there is nothing left of that stain. I don’t need you to crush something that is still so fragile it could easily break and crumble into dust in a fraction. I need you to help me protect, nurture and make it grow stronger again. Just accept me for who I am, accepting myself again is hard enough already. I don’t need you to make it harder for me, that is exactly what I’m trying to get away from after four years.

Please just accept the situation and facts as they are, coz I certainly have! Which doesn’t mean that I’m sitting here doing nothing about them. If you would know my intentions, know my spirit, you would be able to trust me and believe in me, trust the fact that I’m trying all the possible cleaning agents and surface treatments, one by one until all the stains have been gone and the surface is shiny again. Until then all I wish for is some mental support and encouragement. I need you to believe in me and show faith in me. Is it really that hard to just give a hug or tell me that I’ve done well? Put an arm around me and be silent for a few and allow me to express my pain and just listen? Isn’t that what love and/or friendship is about?

[I’ll be taking a break to reflect, words seem to be causing nothing but trouble these days so I’m giving up: better be quiet. I wrote this because I’m upset and hurt after having to make people aware several times today and yesterday, that I’m doing the best I can. I realised that it might be for the best not to mention things anymore to those close to me: loved ones, friends and family. From now on I will say ‘I’m fine’ and leave it at that… I hate to lie but I’m forced to. There’s too much of a distance to bridge the gap between their reality and mine and although I realise they mean well, they don’t seem to understand that, that is the last thing I need at the moment. I’m ‘forced’ to say less and less in order to get what I truly need from them: peace of mind, encouragement and something that is probably wishful thinking: faith in me…

After all: only Faith can move mountains, so why is it that I seem to be the only one realising this?]

To reflect on matters, solitude might be best at times… Picture by R. Bobrow ©